Poetry Critiques : Ole' Stupid A** N****

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by dajiboo, Jul 26, 2006.

  1. dajiboo

    dajiboo Active Member MEMBER

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    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Shot and killed my mama

    Why
    Because of jealousy
    you see

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Had to take my mama away

    He aint no daddy of mine
    He can't be
    How could he be

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Left me here all alone

    One shot
    And my mama was gone
    Taken away from me, her little baby

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    How could he do this to me

    Then turn the gun
    And killed himself
    Why?

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Thought he was God

    She didn't want him
    He couldn't see
    She found some better

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Was too dumb to see

    I hope he's burning
    Burning in hell
    For the pain he caused

    Ole' stupid *** n****
    Took my mama away from me

    *** To all the babies who loose their mothers because of stupidity***
     
  2. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    word...this was packed with emotion poet...i feel u
    it could have rhymed a lil more but i'm not trippin casue i totally enjoyed it....
    flow on and welcome.....

    one love
    khasm
     
  3. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very touching...

    Oh my dajiboo, you darn near had a sista :crying: for a min. I'm very sorry you had to undergo such a traumatic event at such a tender age. I feel your pain. My:heart: goes out to you and yours. Stand tall and proud. For every grey sky, there are 5 sunshiny days. The glass is half full, so drink till your heart is content. Replenish that dry spot in your soul. Such a moving piece:spinstar:

    :grouphug:

    :picture:
     
  4. dajiboo

    dajiboo Active Member MEMBER

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    Thank You

    Thank you for the support, but I guess I must have been misleading. I haven't lost my mother, but I am seeing more and more babies and young children around me loosing their mothers simple because these men can't let go. It just breaks my heart and I felt I need to write about. Again, thank you
     
  5. phenomenalwoman

    phenomenalwoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In anycase you told a story through your piece. You captured emotion very well. Good write, and you are correct this type of situation happens all too often. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
     
  6. sweettee29

    sweettee29 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    DAJIBOO HMM I FEEL THIS I DO I MYSELF HAVE THREE CHILDREN AND HAVE BEEN THREATENED BY A MAN WHO COULD NOT LET GO I AM DEALING WITH A FRESH BREAK UP AND I KNOW IT IS NOT OVER BECAUSE I JUST LEFT MY EX TWO MONTHS AGO AND I AM CONSTANTLY WATCHING MY BACK BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TOLD I CANT LIVE WITH OUT YOU I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I WILL KILL YOU BEFORE I LET YOU GO AND I AM LIVING EVERYDAY LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AND IT IS A HORRIBLE FEELING, IT IS A HORRIBLE FEELING WHEN SOMEONE DOES PLAY "GOD" AND TRY TO TAKE YOUR LIFE FROM YOUR CHILDREN I LOVE MY KIDS AND I DO NOT WANT THEM TO SEE ME IN A CASKET BEHIND A STUPID @SS NIGG@ SO TAKE IT FROM ME THIS IS A TRUE REALITY FOR MANY WOMEN INCLUDING MYSELF AND I THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS OUT I WISH EVERYMAN WHO HAS KILLED OR THOUGHT TO KILL A WOMAN COULD READ THIS PIECE AND REALIZE HOW THEY TRULY TERRORIZE A FAMILY AND THE CHILDREN SO THEM OLE STUPID @SS NIGG@ CAN GO TO HELL AND THEY WILL BURN THERE
    THANK YOU

    SWEETTEE29 MUCH MUCH LOVE
     
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