Black People : "oh, you're so pretty... to be so dark"

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by NADIA*BINTA, Jul 27, 2003.

  1. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 27, 2003
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    SUNSHINE ST
    Ratings:
    +1
    standing in the check out line with Mama, it's finally our turn... Mama steps forward to watch the prices... i put the items on the counter... then i join Mama... the cashier looks me square in the face... smiles... and says... "oh, you're so pretty, to be so dark"... maybe 13 or 14 years old, battling the i'm black & ugly issue, in my ignorance i receive the statement as a compliment...

    meanwhile... Mama's insulted and trying to figure why i'm not... not understanding that her child equates being dark w/ugliness...

    it took much time to overcome this issue... y'all are familiar with the jokes (so black ya leave fingerprints on charcoal)... and sayings (i don't wanna stay in the sun too long & get any blacker)... though my family loved me & thought i was beautiful... society and even members of my own race helped me think otherwise...

    in one of the threads i read... a member mentioned the "Willie Lynch Syndrome" and i thought... that's right on point...

    for those not familiar with Willie Lynch and his theory... this is the little i've heard about them...

    in 1712 he gave slaveholders the keys to control Black slaves... by taking our differences and making them bigger... using fear, distrust & envy for control purposes... methodically, the old black male was pitched against the young black male... female against male... DARK-SKINNED against LIGHT-SKINNED... (and vice-versa)...

    this poison instilled was to be self-refueling and self-generating for hundreds... maybe thousands of years!!!...

    so here we are, in 2003, and we still have this syndrome...

    are you or anyone you know infected???... how can we break this cycle???

    peace
     
  2. Royal_T

    Royal_T Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2003
    Messages:
    1,182
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    LAW ENFORCEMENT SOMETHING!?!
    Location:
    CHICAGO, ILL-NOIZE (EVANSTON)
    Ratings:
    +13
    I don't konw how it can be broken, but I'd be rich if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that. It's especially sad when Black folk think it's ok to say it. I might feel a little better if it were coming out of white folks' mouths, but go figure.
     
  3. ifasehun

    ifasehun Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 11, 2003
    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    19
    Ratings:
    +19
    i think that we break it by teaching a kind of braven pride in ourselves.

    i am reading a lot lately about "conscious parenting" and i am very aware now as a parent that we cant assum our kids are ok or that they understand things. we have to really talk things out w/ them.

    in particular we have teach them a kind of positivity that comes off like "what? you actually think dark skin is ugly? are you crazy?" and they have to be as or more confident than the other kids and people they encounter that say different. this kind of confidence can be a positive reaction on your child's peers. they say anytime you actually believe something enough and say it with enough force - others follow suit or shut their trap.

    it starts in the home. teach your children to be confident.
     
  4. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 27, 2003
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    SUNSHINE ST
    Ratings:
    +1
    Royal_T... i'd be rich too!!! :)... gurl, the cashier was a sistah & she thought she was complimenting me, too...

    ifasehun... i agree completely!!!... confidence must be instilled immediately... cause you know children & even adults can be brutal... and if the confidence parents try to instill doesn't outweigh negativity from society... the negative can completely consume the child... and stay with them for a long while... if not their entire life...

    thankx for the reads... and replies

    peace
     
  5. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    Singapore
    Joined:
    May 13, 2003
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Servant of the People
    Location:
    Bay Area, CA
    Ratings:
    +131
    my sista, ignorance sees no shade...i've been hurt by brothas & sistas as well as white people when it comes to skine tone and I'm light-skinned.
    "Poor chile u so pale, at least u pretty"
    "Thank God u look like our family too bad u so red"
    "Oh my gosh gurl u R like soooooo pretty but your skin is so fair!"
    HOw do we get past it...recognize the beauty of our people before we judge our people. But easier said than done...
     
  6. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 27, 2003
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    SUNSHINE ST
    Ratings:
    +1
    triniti424... i feel ya... indeed it works both ways... & it's a shame... will we ever break the chain?!!!... i suppose only time will tell... cause like you said... it is much easier said than done...
    thankx for the feedback...

    peace
     
  7. happy69

    happy69 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 3, 2002
    Messages:
    617
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ratings:
    +5
    I think that that "brown paper bag" chain is partially broken. It was used to control us--- divide and conquer..... and it has infiltrated our very beings... and it is so **** stupid!

    In my family, we range from pale whitish to ebony... one parent dark and beautiful and one parent light-skinned and beautiful...and their children are every shade in between and they loved each and every one of us, perhaps too much....

    Many feel that Lighter is better because we perceive that Lighter is easier... I don't believe that. I am the youngest and very light, and that has not given me any edge...no with family and not in life....

    And I don't think that most of our people, whatever the hue are down with being who we are.... The rest, the ignorant, we leave...

    On my job last year a black sister from New York, was transferred down here... I noticed that she didn't associate with the other sisters and brothers... just our counterparts.... One day one of the counterparts, a female, said in my presence that she didn't like her, for whatever reasons.... initially I just shrugged it off, because I know how our counterparts can treat us sometimes, you know, like when we hang around and they whisper around us, or we pretend that we are with them, and they walk in front or behind? I used to feel sorry for the sis' anf bros when this happened to them.... until I realized how pathetic a situation they allow themselves to be in... anyway, as time went on, and it was obvious how they were distancing themselves from the sister... so one day, I'm sitting in my office, my door is opened, and she came in smiling and took a seat, and she actually said to me and I quote, "You're not really Black are you?" and I said, "Yes, I am."
    She looked puzzled, "No, you must be mixed, not a real Black."
    Did I mention that she is dark brown? Then she went on to rattle on all this blood fractioning stuff... so my temples are starting to throb okay, and I think of how proud my Grandmother, an Italian, loved us-- her favorite was my ebony skinned older sister, how our father Italian, Indian, Black, was one of those hold your shoulders high kinda brothers, who did whatever it took to take care of his wife and kids and educate them, and would kill us if we let anyone disgrace our Blackness and the pride that comes with it--- even us! As she rattled, I just said to her, "All of us are not Black like you."
    So, what can you do? I just keep my distance, work hard, like all the sisters and brothers... love family people is all I can say, love family....
     
  8. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    Singapore
    Joined:
    May 13, 2003
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Servant of the People
    Location:
    Bay Area, CA
    Ratings:
    +131
    happy69 you have made my day
    I am a young fair skinned chile and its nice to know that someone understands :)
     
  9. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    Singapore
    Joined:
    May 13, 2003
    Messages:
    6,477
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Servant of the People
    Location:
    Bay Area, CA
    Ratings:
    +131
    its a method made to hurt us not help us...lets jus all make a vow to love and learn :)
     
  10. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 27, 2003
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    SUNSHINE ST
    Ratings:
    +1
    happy69... thankx for sharing your experiences... like i said before... indeed this thing does work both ways...

    honestly, i didnt' know that our light-skinned sisters & brothers dealt with similar issues... when i was younger i longed to be lighter... if even by a shade... my dad is actually darker than i am... my mother's brown... but now... i gladly embrace my beautiful black face :)...

    triniti424 thankx for gracing this thread again... i must admit... i use to think that light-skinned folk had it good compared to me... now i understand that we're in this thang together... i'm feelin that vow to love & learn...

    this Willie Lynch Sydrome can linger w/n those giving or receiving ignorant statements... we must strive to wipe out this disease completely!!!... the struggle continues...

    peace
     
Loading...