Black Poetry : Notes From The Back Of The Bus.

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by skuderjaymes, May 13, 2011.

  1. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Notes From The Back Of The Bus.
    --

    Sleepy-eyed
    Dazed and bemused
    Confused about the difference
    Between what you are and what you do.

    --

    Undeveloped mind
    atop over-developed body
    mouth agape, vacant eyes
    giving birth to our future.

    --

    Big ole as*
    wind blown hair
    got his mind in a whirl
    ain't nothing nothing like this white black girl.

    --

    Young Bodies
    Strong Minds
    Bounding above
    the grey to
    clearer skies.

    --​
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    This was very well expressed
     
  3. TotalView

    TotalView Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Master Poet Skuderjaymes,

    What a remarkable display of minimalism. The tone is exquisite and played nicely inside my ear. The imagery fleshed out each subject perfectly. I could see them. Touch them. Smell them. I tasted the main subject's feelings of utter despair, disbelief, and disdain.

    Yes, our station determines how we travel. Sometimes. But, I am mindful that the young brother (main subject) isn't in that plane he's peering at out the bus window. He's taking "Notes From The Back Of The Bus." I'm left feeling hopeful.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work, so that I can admire and learn.

    Totalview
     
  4. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hey this was good post but i just didn't understand it but it flowed nice this brought back memories so i wrote a piece

    being black is a must plus i'm on the back of the bus suspension squeak so soft trying to sleep off a headache in the seats many misled fakes about classrooms, made an A in school so I'm way cool with the teachers my grade persuade them,have a fake notion to make a commotion but no concerns today got me sick about to turn clay into bricks, my religion is so so that make my decisions loco and Austin in my home but Boston is where I roam
     
  5. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    flow on poet...........
     
  6. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    I believe the biggest compliment an Artist can pay another Artist is to
    respond to his Art with Art.. so thank you.. I always appreciate your flow..

    about my piece.. each section is it's own thing.. each one is both a
    description of a person on the bus.. and also a commentary.. at least
    thats the way I see it now.. after the fact.. When I wrote the pieces,
    I was just sitting in the back of the bus sketching the scene in front of me..
    I saw it all as a series of paintings.. but the descriptions had a poetic bend
    to them so I published them as a set of poems.

     
  7. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    thank you for the thoughtful analysis.. you actually gave me a clearer
    conception of my own work.. and I appreciate the compliments.. minimalism
    is the aesthetic I strive for in content and form.. in my writing.. music..
    painting.. in my living.. I don't always achieve it, but I try. Thanks again.

    Peace
     
  8. TotalView

    TotalView Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You're more than welcome. Isn't it wonderful how once you set your work free to fly, it always comes home with new stories. I love when a reader shares with me...not so much... what they think I wrote but rather what they read.

    For me, minimalism = Joy, so I understand. Hope to read you again soon.

    Totalview
     
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