Black Relationships : Not interested in "Good" relationships...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by ZeroGravity, Aug 18, 2003.

  1. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was listening to talk-show host on my way home and she was saying what she wanted to talk about on her show on Thursday.

    Thursday, we're going to talk about relationships...not the good ones but the bad relationships out there. Who wants to hear about good relationships anyway? How much fun would that be?

    Then she reference an article either in Ebony or Essence that apparently talks about relationships with drama, that is the kind of relationship she wanted to talk about.

    Why is it that we don't want to talk about "good" relationships? Is talking about "good" relationships (other than your own :) boring? Does listening to others talk about "good" things make us feel somewhat inadequate in our own relationship? Would you want to know what other people are doing to create those "good" relationships to perhaps help or inspire us in dealing with our own?

    Would you be bored stiff if you were in a discussion talking about "good" relationships? Would you think the ones talking about their "good" relationship was bragging or being a little condesending? or would you look at them as being genuine?

    What do you think?
     
  2. Enthralled

    Enthralled Member MEMBER

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    Hi Zero,

    I think that it is just human nature to focus on the bizzare and the bad news. Almost any message board you visit in cyberspace will have a gazillion posts about some silly drama. But there will be many fewer posts about more uplifting things.

    Notice the number of posts about interracial dating or Do (insert race here) men hate women?

    Several years ago some network (CNN I believe, but I could be wrong) attempted to have a "good news" telecast.
    HAH! How long do you think that lasted?:lol: :lol:
     
  3. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Enthralled...I hear ya! If you want to know about finances...you wouldn't talk about the experiences of a street peddler; so I'm thinking if you want to know about relationships, you wouldn't want to talk about the "bad" ones...I would think you would want to hear from those that have found a way to make them successful. Maybe that's why I haven't gotten it right yet :)

    I appreciate you responding.
     
  4. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My two cents...

    I think some folk want to discuss "bad" relationships because they sincerely wish to arrive at and examine the root of the problems that cause relationships to sour. If we can get at and examine root causes of relationship problems, perhaps we can THEN overstand how to make and keep our relationship "good" or better. Most of us seek improvement, even if we are at a point where everything is really rather well.

    On the other hand, there are those who really are entertained by hearing about and/or discussing OTHERS' "bad" relations (perhaps to make their own or lack thereof seem more tolerable), or if they have a habit of discussing their own problems in a relationship, perhaps the motive is a desire for help or consolation.

    Personally, at times when I WAS in what seemed a "good" relationship, I enjoyed sharing details of those experiences with my closest sisterfriend. Not an attempt to boast or be condescending, but I think it is natural to want to let others know (even the world, if it is REALLY serious) when you are elated in your union.

    That's my opinion.
     
  5. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nia...great comments :)

    Being that this lady was a talk-show host, I understand (to a degree) why she would focus on the "bad" relationships as a topic of discussion...more audience participation and probably more entertaining. Personally, I would like to know how couples are making their relationships successful (I'm always hearing or reading about the "bad" ones), something that somewhat appears to be rare in the makeup of society today.

    I have some insight on "bad" relationships lol ... I want to gain a difference perspective on sharing a "good" one.

    Thanks for responding...very insightful
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    ZG

    personally I think some people tend to want to highlight the 'bad' over the 'good' for just the reason the talk show host gave...it's more entertaining--which is sad to say. The media has a field day promoting dysfunctional relationships, including Black relationships and the 'drama' that comes with them.

    When it comes to relationships, people who are tuned into and persuaded by the media are being brainwashed and taught more harm than good in my opinion, . We see examples of this manifested throughout this society and in our communities. It is said that it's healthy to maintain a sense of humor in life, but when did it become therapeutic for people to laugh and sneer at others who are in pain from relationships gone sour?

    I also think that because there is so much negative energy in our environment, surrounding us at every turn, that some of us have forgotten what 'good' is or what it feels like. Maybe so few people have anything good to say, that the only conversation left to have is to point out and compare everything 'bad.' When was the last time you heard someone tell you how happy they were in a relationship or how good someone was treating them and you genuinely felt happy for them? Oftentimes, after offering a half-hearted 'congratulations', some people will feel a sense of jealousy followed by gossip.

    Is it true that 'misery loves company'?
     
  7. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yep!

    Misery does love company Queen :)

    It's interesting that you mentioned if we (people) know these days what good feel like...on the same day or then next day, I was sitting at my desk around lunch (peeking in on the board :)) and a brother came by my cubicle and asked me if I had been to lunch...he said that he would like for me to join him and some of the brother for an impromptu "meeting" over lunch. I had no clue what was going on but I told him I would be there.

    He had called the meeting to get the brothers to declare a day to do something "special" for the ladies in our lives. He wanted us to exchange ideas of how we can make a day "special". it was great and believe it or not....very well accepted and appreciated.

    I said that to say in response to your question about hearing someone speak of a good relationship...I heard some great testimonies about relationships (coming from men!! :) and I was genuinely happy to hear them (hey, I also took good notes hehehe)

    I think when we are truly searching for answers we are genuinely happy to hear of other's successful relationships...I think we get jealous upon hearing good things about others when we're not.

    Thanks for the response...like others have noticed and said, you have a great insight.
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Re: Yep!

    ZG...this might come as a surprise to some sisters but not to me. I'm not fooled by the media-hype. I know what my brothers are capable of and this is a perfect example.

    I'd love to know what you all 'cooked' up and decided to do for your ladies. I might want to take notes and pass them on myself! :D

    Queenie
     
  9. MORE

    MORE Banned MEMBER

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    yes it would be boring because when most folk speak of good realtionships, they do more bragging and fabrication than anything else, they try to make it seem so dang on perfect, when the opposite is true. so that's all i have to say.:eek:
     
  10. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    [email protected] :)

    Interesting perspective. True dat'...true dat'. Sometimes people are genuine in their relationship and are oftentime perceived as bragging when they're really just saying how they feel in describing their relationship. But you are right...some do brag and fabricate things to put on this facade that things are much better than they really are.
     
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