Black People : Not Exactly Sure Why I'm Doing This

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Kamau47, May 24, 2011.

  1. Kamau47

    Kamau47 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    other than to get a few feelings out in the open, and maybe get some understanding as well.
    Long story short, I was fired from my job of 11 years yesterday. I always knew that being the union steward put me in the cross hairs, but for me it was easy. It was just a job, one I gave 100% at, but none-the-less, just a job. I didn't like it, I did not hate it. It was a means of keeping the bills at bay.

    So why do I feel so out of it?

    When I woke up this morning, I felt like nothing. I mean, I have my wife & children, which I have always kept in the front of meaning of everything I do. I knew that if it were not for them, I would not have remained that job because it is basically not one to be held for an extended period of time. It's one of those "work until you find another job" types, a transition job. But at the same time, it was a job. In my area, unemployment is hovering around 45% now, and jobs are hard to come by here. Long hours, little pay (though benefits are pretty nice) and no respect are the jobs basic description I would say.
    I feel though like crap this morning. With the job, I had what a lot around here lack; a purpose. If for nothing else, I had something to do 5 days a week. And when I would come home sweaty, smelling to high heaven, I felt as if I had at least accomplished something that day. Now, I'm sitting here just feeling like the rug has been yanked out from under me. Sure, there are a million things that can keep me busy around here, but it really won't be the same as bring home a paycheck. Yes, I'll draw unemployment, but it's not the same, and that's why I know that money is not the issue. I have been working since I was adopted at 4 (helping to care for my elderly grand-parents while my parents worked). To be honest with you, I can't remember not having some type of job. I guess that's another thing as well; my age. I'm 54 now, and too be honest with you, my body has been showing signs of wear & tear the past few years (back, joints, dental), and I wonder if even though I a willing to put in a few more years would any employer hire me with my health problems.

    I don't know if I'm making any sense here and I'm probably all over the place with this. I just know that this morning I am feeling "not".
     
  2. abstract219

    abstract219 ...standing on the shoulders of giants MEMBER

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    Real sharing, Kamau.

    Im not in a position to give advice. Im younger than you. However, the Universe could be allowing you a break. To heal. To recharge and re-focus. To bond with fam.

    I too worry about my position, but im in Social Work and there's always positions open somewhere.

    Your approach to work is honorable. I just believe with your people skills, particularly your sense of humor, you will do fine.
     
  3. thomas98

    thomas98 Member MEMBER

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    Just remember its more common than you think, especially with retired people. They work all their lives looking forward to the day they retire. Then after a short while they become depressed. All because they feel they have lost their purpose or reason for being. Then the depression leads to more serious health issues.
    Maybe hard, but just try to stay positive. Consider it just a new stage of life. There will always be ups and downs in life. Staying positive, keep looking for new opportunities = greater chance of things working out even better than before.
    And remember we are creatures of habit. More so now that you are older. After 11 years any change will take some adjustment. Try to enjoy the trip.
     
  4. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    that hurts.. rejection is always difficult.. personal.. professional.. and
    whatever the job was.. if it was legal and it put food on your table, it was
    respectable. I was given the choice to resign or be downsized in the upcoming
    quarter.. I received 6 months salary and an extension on my stock options as
    compensation for voluntarily leaving.. even with that.. it hurt that I was one of
    the ones chosen. I found out later that it had to do with my Salary being one of
    the highest.. but at the time, even though I had plenty of other options, it still
    hurt to be asked to leave. But life goes on.. if there's something you can learn
    from how it went down, learn it, apply it your life and move on to your next opportunity.
    If we were still hunter-gatherers and our hunting grounds were
    depleted, we would just move on to another area.. it's all about the food.

     
  5. Kamau47

    Kamau47 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I guess that it is fresh and all, it just seems to be trying to overwhelm me. Fortunately, my father gave me strength and life has shown me that I'll need it until the day I die.
    One of the things that I have noticed is that I'm not thinking of myself more than I'm thinking of my family or those at work. See, this is a contract renewal year and I am the one who fights. The workers are mostly timid, and let a lot of things get by without speaking up, which is where I come in. I was their voice to management. Now, I'm not sure what will go down.
    I'm also thinking of my family, my wife and children, who depend on me for our lifestyle. We are far from well off, but we also are not starving. One of my greatest joys I get in life is when my children will come to me when the ice cream truck comes down the street. I love being able to put a couple dollars in their hands to buy something, then watch them sitting in the yard enjoying it. I love those little moments because having one grown child already, I know that those moments come & go so quickly it makes your head spin. I especially cherish coming home from work, having my 7 year old come and just give me a hug because he missed me. Those little things mean more to me than I could ever express in words.
    As I said, maybe it's just fresh. I know that I've got some adjusting to do, but for right now, knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
     
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