What you are about to witness is some raw and uncut type **** that I call my life. Enter at your own risk. Ever since I can remember I have been lied to, beaten on, cheated on, raped, and so on and so forth that I became numb to all the pain I endured. Mother and father never gave a **** about me or my little brother. All they were worried about was chasing that high. See, my Mama, or Tracy as I would call her, met my Pop, and yes that’s his real name, when she was only 15 years old and he was 23. Pop was a big time dope dealer in Houston, Texas. Tracy and her best friend, Rachel, were too hot to trot and ended up sleeping with Pop and his bodyguard, Gin. They called him Gin cuz that’s all he would drink. Tracy ended up getting knocked up on the first night and had me 9 months later at the age of 16. Pop was never around after I was born cuz he said he had to take care of business. His business was not only sellin dope but also snortin it. Tracy walked in on him once. That was the first time she ever tried coke but it certainly wasn’t her last. Now they’re both strung out on anything they can get their hands on. My little brother, Chris, was born when I was 8 years old and I felt so sorry for him. It’s amazing that he survived cuz he rarely had any formula. Whatever money they had went up their noses, in their lungs, or through their veins. I tried my best to take care of him but its hard when I have to sleep with other men just so my peeps can get high. What a **** shame. This is only the beginning of the life of Markell A’Nay Carpenter. “Just another day in 5th Ward.” Markell said to herself. It was already 2 in the evening and I was just getting out of bed. If it had not been for my period, I would just now be making it in the house. “Kell, you up yet?,” Pop said coming in her room. “No, why?” “Well, I got somebody coming over later this evening.” “Come on Pop. You know the reason I aint been out all this week.” “Yea, well, oh well. Get yourself cleaned up real nice and good and he’ll never know the difference.” “I’m not doing it,” she said getting back under the covers. “You not doin what?, he said pulling the covers back. “I said I can’t do it.” “***** I own you. If I say you doin it then you don’t have a choice or a voice in the situation. Until you turn 18 you do everything I say around here”, he said and walked out. Sure enough, I was told to be ready by 6:15pm and I was. Pop drove me to this run down motel where every crackhead get high at. Pop was going to wait in the car until we got done to collect his $75 dollars. Once we were in the room I went straight to the restroom and sat on the toilet and cried. “Why me Lord? What have I done to deserve a life like this? I’m only 16 years old. Too young to be sleeping with grown men. All I want is a normal life with normal parents.” There was a knock at the door. “I’m comin *****”, she said rollin her eyes. “I aint got all day. I gotta make my rounds.” At that point, l made up her mind that I wasn’t going to come out the restroom. No more than 10 minutes later did I hear Pop’s voice tellin me to come out or else. As soon as I unlocked the door I was met with a big hard fist. It landed dead in my eye. I immediately felt it start closing. As bad as I wanted to cry I held it in. I was thrown across the raggedy *** bed and my clothes started coming off, Pop was doing all of this. “Now you lay your *** there and handle this business. You got me all worked up and I need a cigarette.” He sat in a chair next to the bed and lit his cigarette. This would be the first time that he has watched men have their way with me and deep down I knew it wouldn’t be the last. “****, I didn’t know you had all of this,” the man said feelin on my breast, “They all nice and firm. I wish my wife titties was still like this.” “***** we aint got time for you to be romancing and ****. Get your nut off and pay me my ****** money. Matta fact, give me my money now,” Pop said “Aight, I got you man. Let me handle this young thang first. Baby you suck dick?” “You never said nothing about a blow job. That’s a extra $25,” Pop said “Ok. I got that,” he said takin off his clothes. I then proceeded to get on my knees and suck this ***** dick like my life depended on it cuz it really did. I caught a glimpse of Pop playing wit hisself and I wanted to throw up. This was the first time that he had ever done anything like this. I guess I was doin a good job cuz less than a minute later the pervert had nutted in my mouth. “Swallow that **** and call me Paul,” he said. Paul. So that was his name. Paul made me just suck his dick. Paul has a wife at home but yet he is out payin for sex with a minor. I spit his salty *** cum right in his face. “You’re sick,” she said and got up and ran out of the room. I heard Pop callin for me but I kept runnin. As I turned the corner Ilooked back and saw him coming out of the room but I kept runnin. I ran to the Motels office. No one was in there I she picked up the phone and dialed 911. I grabbed the whole phone and got under the desk to talk when I heard Pop getting closer. I gave the dispatcher my location and hung up. “Where the **** are you Markell?”, Pop yelled. I stayed under the desk for what seemed like months, and never came out until I saw a police car. “Help, please help me.” I ran out to the street and the officer almost hit me. He slammed on the brakes making a loud screeching noise. “Are you the one who dialed 911,” the officer asked. “Yes, you gotta help me. I was about to be raped.” “Raped? Are you sure about that Markell?” “What?”, she said looking confused “I asked were you sure about that? You must don’t remember me. Pop set us up last week and I must admit you were darn good.” I turned to run away but stopped quickly when I heard the sound of a gun being cocked. “Take one more step and I’ll splatter your brains all over this concrete. Now get in the car.” I did as Iwas told and got in the back of the patrol car. We drove around to an abandoned building. He put me in hand cuffs and led me to a side door. Once in he wasted no time in ripping my clothes off. “Ya know, you’re the first ****** that I ever had sex with.” I didn’t say anything. I just stood there naked and crying. “Get on your knees and suck this white ****.” “Please, I just wanna go home”, Markell said. “You’re free to go once you suck my dick, he said pushing her head down. I got down on my knees and proceeded to do as I was told. “Ahh yeaa. That’s it. Umm yea suck that **** *****!” About 2 minutes later I felt his legs buckle and he came in my mouth. I spit it out and it landed on the officers shoe. “Look at what you did. Lick that off my shoe.” “I already sucked your dick, what else do you want from me? I just wanna go home. Please.” Are you sassing me you little black ******”, he said and slapped me across the face. He grabbed his gun and put it up to my head. I got the point real quick and licked the cum off his shoe. A call came through on his radio and his assistance was needed. He took the hand cuffs off me just long enough for me to get dressed and he put them right back on. The way he sped down the belt way, I made it back to 5th ward in less than 10 minutes. When we pulled up Pop and Gin were sittin on the porch drinkin beer and smoking weed. “I believe I have something that belongs to you”, the officer said “Well, well, well, what do we have here Officer Hunt? Pop said “I got called out to a rape at the Motown Hotel.” “A rape huh? Ok, well good lookin out, Hunt, Pop said lookin at Markell with fire in his eyes. Before Officer Hunt drove off he took the hand cuffs off me and slipped something in Pop’s hand. I figured it was money from the blow job he had just received moments earlier. I ran in the house and went straight to the restroom to take a shower. As soon as I opened the door a cloud of smoke welcomed me. “Dammit Markell. You don’t know how to knock”, Tracy said. Tracy was sitting on the toilet lighting her crack pipe. She already looked as if she had been smoking for some time. “Daddy told me what happened. Why did you leave Kell? You know we need that money. You know don’t you?” “Tracy what you need is help. Look at you. You’re pitiful. Look at your life. Look at your kids. You don’t even give a **** about us.” You see, I could always get away with talking to Tracy that way, but never with Pop. He would haul off and slap me into next week. Although I hate what he has turned my Mama into I still love her. In some crazy way, I still have hope for her. All she need to do is get away. Get away from Pop and this run down neighborhood. Life would be so much easier if Pop was dead. I often have thoughts about killing him. I knew that I didn’t have the guts nor means of actually doing it myself, but maybe, just maybe someone would do me the honors. “Kell! Markell I know you hear me talking to you”, Tracy said “Tracy get your *** out here and bring me my ****. If you smoked it all….well you just better hope you didn’t”, Pop said coming in the house. I started to tense up because I knew that it would be in a matter of minutes before I felt his wrath. To my surprise, he never came for me. They sat in the living room all night and got high. It was then that Irealized that my little brother was not there. I wasn’t worried though because I knew he was next door with his so called best friend, Jason. Thoughts of running away for good always crossed my mind. I never went through with it because of Chris. I never wanted to leave him behind by hisself. Tracy would never care for him like he needed to be taken care of. He often went to Jason’s to get food and to play with his toys. All of Chris’s toys were sold or pawned for dope. What a shame. “Tonight’s the night”, Markell said aloud to herself. I began to pack some of my clothes. After I was done with mine, I got a few of Chris’s clothes. In the bathroom I grabbed toothbrushes, toothpaste, tissue, personal hygiene items, and a few towels. I raided my parents bedroom to see if I could find any type of cash. Much to my surprise I found a total of 82 dollars and 56 cents. I quickly pocketed the money, grabbed 2 knives out the kitchen and headed next door to Jason’s. I left the bag on the porch so no one would ask questions. “Hi Patricia, Is Chris here”, Markell said. “He sure is. Him and Jason just got done eating and are now watchin tv. Come on in.” “Oh, no. I’ll be fine out here.” “Are you sure?” “Yea. It’ll just be a minute huh?” “Yea. Hold on”, she said and closed the door. Chris came out a few minutes later. “Hi Kelly”, Chris said hugging her. “Hey knuckle head. What you been up to?” “Nothin. Ms. Patricia cooked hamburgers and then me and Jason played video games.” “You did? Did you tell Ms. Patricia thank you?” “Yes maam. Where are we going?” “I have no idea”, Markell said throwing the bag over her shoulder. We took out walking heading towards the beltway and away from their house. ************************ At that point in time I had no idea where to go or who to call. As far as family, we were ******. Both Pop and Tracy were only childs. Pop’s mom and dad died from an over dose on heroin. Tracy’s mom died of cancer and her dad was a no show. I thought about going to a shelter but I knew they would try and find our parents and that I didn’t want to happen. All I knew was that we weren’t going back to that hell hole that was supposed to be our home. I knew that I didn’t want to be used and abused anymore. I convinced myself that I could take care of the both of us, even living on the street. I had no other choice. ******************* “Markell, I’m tired. Where are we going anyway? My feet hurt”, Chris said “I know. I’m tired too. We gon be there in a few minutes ok. Just walk a little faster ok?” “Ok.” I had no idea where we were headed but I didn’t wanna let him know that and get him to start thinking. We walked for another hour before I decided to stop at a building that looked like it used to be a church. “Listen to me Chris, I want you to stay right here for a minute ok? I’m just going to go in here and look around ok?”, Markell said He didn’t say nothing he just nodded his head. I went in the building through a side door. Just like I thought, it used to be a church. The pews were still in place and she did everything but shout hallelujah . At least now we had somewhere to sleep besides on the ground. I went back out and told Chris to come in. “Listen to me. This is where we are going to be sleeping for now on, ok?”, Markell said “Why? I wanna go home Kelly.” “I know, but we can’t go back right now.” “Why not? I want my mama.” “Chris, we cannot go back home. Trust me. You’ll understand later on in life.” “I want my mama”, he said and started cryin. “Shut up, just shut up ok! We are not going back to that hell hole. Your own mama don’t want you. Trust me, we’re doing them a favor by leaving.” Chris looked at me in disbelieve. I had never raised a hand nor my voice at him. “Ohhhh come here, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just that we can’t go back and I know you don’t understand right now. I need you to be my big boy and play like you understand. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that right?” “Yes maam. I’m just scared that’s all.” “I know you are. I am too, but together we can make it. We have to stand by each other and protect each other. Can you protect your big sis?” “Yep. Look at my big muscles.” “Boy, you aint got no muscles”, Markell said and started tickling him. We played around for a few more minutes then I laid out the blankets so Chris could lay down. It was kind of cold so I let him have both blankets. I kissed him good night and he was fast asleep. I didn’t go to sleep that night. I stayed up thinking about what my next move would be. “Lord, I know I haven’t talked to you in a while but I do know that you hear me. Me and Chris are in deep trouble. I don’t know what to do. Could you please just show us the way out? And please, Lord, could you help Tracy see what her life has become and let her know that it doesn’t have to be this way? Please Lord, help me take care of my little brother. I love him so much and I want the best for him. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.” The next morning Chris woke up before me. “Good morning Kelly. Its wakey wakey time”, Chris said “Hey big man. What you doing up so early?” “I thought I was going to school.” “Nooo, you cant go back to school just yet.” “Why not?” “Because its not safe right now.” “Markell, why did we run away? And why did you pray for mama? Is something wrong with mama? “Come here”, Markell said holding out here arms “Yes.” “Mama is sick right now. She has some problems that she needs to work out on her own time. She has to fix her problems that way she can be a better mother to the both of us. “ “Pop is a bad influence on her and he is makin me do things I don’t wanna do,” she said with tears in her eyes. “But why are you crying? Lets go back home and get mama so she can come with us.” “I wish it just that easy, Chris, but its not. Tracy don’t wanna come.” “You asked already? I bet if I asked she would.” “Well lets not worry about that now. From here on out its about me and you ok. We have to look out for each other ok?” “Ok.” “Your big sis love you. Always remember that.” “I love you too.” I got up and walked around the church. I found a restroom and checked to see if the water was still on. I turned the knob for the hot water and to my surprise it was still on. We both took wash offs in the sink , brushed their teeth and washed our faces, and put on clean clothes. “Oooo weeee! It feel like its been forever since I been outside,” Markell said “Me too. I’m hungry, can we eat Mc Donald’s? Please?” “Look, we only have a little money. You can eat it today and only today, ok?” Chris started smiling and said, “ok.” We walked to the nearest Mc Donald’s which took them 15 minutes. “Hi, welcome to Mc Donald’s. What can I get for you today?”, the employee asked “Ummm, I want a Mighty Kids meal. The one with the double cheese burger,” Chris said “And what would you like to drink little man?” “Sprite.” “Ok, I have a Mighty Kids meal double cheese burger with a Sprite for the drink, will that be all?” “Yea.” Markell said “Ok, the total comes out to $3.54. Oh I forgot, will that be for here or to go?” “I wanna eat here, Kelly,” Chris said “Well make that for here,” Markell said “Ok, your order number is 143 and will be up in just a minute,” the employee said We sat outside in the playground so Chris could play. After we got the food I got up to go to the restroom. “Where are you going,” Chris asked “I’ll be right back. I have to go to the restroom.” “Oh, ok.” While I was in the restroom stall, I heard two women come in. I didn’t want to come out until they were gone. One of the women went in the stall right next to me. “Girl did you ever hear from kenya?,” the woman on the outside asked “Hell naw. You know that ***** aint down. That hoe scary.” “Well she missin out on this dough. I made $2100 last night. “We really don’t need nobody else. We been doin it by ourselves.” “True but its so much easier with another hand. Ima holla and that ***** Trin.” “Girl whatever,” she said coming out the stall “Whoever that is in that stall next to you must be ****ing.” “Toya you crazy,” she said laughing That was my que to come out. I came out and mugged the two women as I went to the sink to wash her hands. “****, you lookin like you wanna do something,” Toya said “Trust me, you don’t want it,” I said “Aww, do we have a gangsta ***** up in here or something,” Toya said and her and her friend started laughing “Yall not on my level anyway,” Markell said and started to leave Toya quickly ran towards the door before Markell could reach it and stood in front of it, blocking her in. “Now what you gon’ do?” the other woman asked “I don’t have time for neither one of yall. So just get the **** out of my way.” Just as she said that someone knocked on the door. “***** your *** just got saved. Don’t let me catch you on the streets cuz its on,” Toya said. “Whatever,” I said and walked out. After that, everything from that moment on went in slow motion. I bumped into Molly as she walked out of the restroom. Standing behind Molly was her dad, Detective Hunt. Molly was his 3 year old daughter. “Well, well, well. What do we have here,” Detective Hunt said I didn’t say anything. I was shocked as hell running into him two days in a row after I attempted to run away two days in a row. “Molly, honey, why don’t you go out to the play ground ok?” “But, Daddy I have to potty,” Molly said “I know. Daddy will only be a minute.” Molly then turned around and went to the playground area. Detective Hunt pushed Markell back making her fall into Toya. “Hold on mother******,” Toya said “Shut your *** up,” he said flashing his badge. “Now, what the hell are you doing Markell? Pop called me and told me you ran away and took Chris with you. You know what that sounds like? It sounds like kidnap to me, what do you think?” “Come on, just let me go. Please,” Markell pleaded “Now you know I can’t do that. You’re a nice little ****. What would I do without you?” I started crying and pleading for my life, “I can’t go back there. Please just let me go.” “What you’re going to do is, go to my car- “Excuse me, can we leave. We don’t have anything to do with this.” Toya said “Don’t interrupt me when Im talking,” Hunt said and slapped her across the face. “Let me just get my little brother and leave. Please you don’t have to do this. What if someone was doing this to Molly?” Markell said “We’re not talking about Molly, now are we? And like I was saying, you go get in my car and wait for me while I go get Chris and Molly. Don’t make a scene or it will cost you dearly. You know I’m a man of my word so don’t try me. You two, he said pointing to Toya and her friend, out first.” The two women ran out of the restroom in what seemed like two seconds. I tried to go out behind them but got stopped dead in my tracks. “Not so fast. We have some business to take care of real quick. Go in that stall.” Detective Hunt made me sit on the toilet while he stood up and I sucked his white dick. “Ya see. This is why I can’t let you go. You give better head than my wife.” Two minutes later, he nutted in my mouth. “Aww. I’m lovin it,” he said taking his penis and slapping it across her face. We cleaned up in the sink and he ordered me out. “Remember what I said, don’t make a scene. Go straight to the car and wait for me. You understand?” I shook her head and walked out. I spotted his red Dodge Magnum and contemplated getting in. It only took me a second to come to my senses. I had no choice. Chris was involved now. Just as I pulled the door handle I heard tires screeching. “Get the **** in the car.” “What?” Markell said confused. It was Toya and her friend “Just get the **** in the car.” Markell had to do a double take. She thought she saw Chris in the back seat. “Come on Kelly,” Chris said “Oh ****,” she said and got in the car. Toya sped out of the parking lot and out onto incoming traffic.