Black Parenting : No dating until 18?

It hasn't been that long ago that I was a teenager myself. I do believe that rules should be applied and I've talked to my teenage daughter about sex, what the consequences can lead to if she decides to have sex, and most importantly safe sex. I know just because I say, "no, I don't want you to." doesn't guarantee that she won't and I can't be with her at all times. I was sexually active at 14 and had her at 15. I don't want that for her. Her daddy wants to lock her down to prevent her going through the motions that he and I did, but I've told him that isn't the way to go about it. I have a friend that has two teenage daughters. When we met a few years back they were 16 and 15. She had her daughters at the ages of 16 and17. Her mother asked her one day if the girls were having sex and she said that she didn't know because she didn't want to know. One day shortly afterward her youngest started telling her about one of her friends having sex. The friend had asked her mama if she could get on birth control and her mama said "no" because she thought it would be like saying it was ok for her to do it. So after she finished the story my friend asked her daughter, "Well, while we're on the subject are you having sex?" She told her "yes" and she then asked the older daughter who also said "yes". She immediately made an appointment to get them birth control pills. They are now 19 and 18 and still without any babies. I think when it comes to teens the word is "prevention" in referrence not only to sex but issues like smoking, drugs, alcohol, and violence. I think 15 is as fair as I can get when it comes to dating.
 
I'd have to agree with $$RICH$$, it really doesn't matter what type of school your kid goes to. Sometimes parents put their kids in private school to get their kids away from drugs like crack and weed, but all their kids end up getting hooked on is coke and meth. There is peer pressure everywhere. Even Christains have premarital sex and get pregnant. I think it all depends on how well your kids are able to be secure in their own decisions. How comfortable they feel about saying "no" to their friends when they know their friends actions are wrong. It depends on how much awkwardness and teasing they can take. Unfortunately, not too many kids are comfortable being the odd man out, so they do things that they know are wrong, just to be included in future activities.

As far as allowing your kids boyfriend/ girlfriend to stay overnight and sleep together and all that, I say no. You can't watch them when they're not in front of you, but you also don't have to encourage something that will have no real positive outcome. What good can come out of having your kids bf/ gf stay the night? I think parents that do that just don't want to be parents, they want to be friends instead, because it's easier to allow it than it is to put their foot down and say "no".
 
I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.
 
are we assoiating dating with sex?

I dont think that sex should be equalled dating..
and those who are making rules that your kids should not be allowed to date until 18 are puttin then in a difficult posistion for their adult life. Do ou mean they cant have boyfriends? cant go out one on one with a member of the opposite sex? what please clarify..
b/c i can tell you form a girl who literally wasnt allowed to date till 17... i was petrified on my first date.. because its not as easy when your older to dat as is is when you are younger.. the date was a disaster.. i felt uncomfortable with being that close with a man.. hugging.. romantically kissing.. i felt redikolous. No adult should feel redikulous.. and stopping them from dating isnt gunna stop em from making the wrong decisions.. your just setting them up for an extremely difficult adulthood... who did she take to prom her cousin.. best friend/.. lets not be silly...
dating never got anyone pregnant.. dating and not being properly educated on the world around you got them preg... now how would you liek it if on her first day on her 18th birthday.. she was so overwealmed... that she made a hasty deciscion.. and ended up preg.. is that any better?


CarrieMonet said:
I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.
 
CarrieMonet said:
I think the dating rules should apply to both sexes, neither should date until 18.

My daughter graduated in June, she is just 17 and still has not dated. I'm proud of her for not trying to go against my rules...and she is happy that she has waited. She's had a chance to look around at her peers who are now mothers or fathers, some who are her age who are already on their second child and that has made her feel like it's not worth it to have a relationship in high school.

There is more to telling a child they can't date though, you as a parent also need to put off phone calls to the opposite sex until the child is at least 15 or 16...something I did. It was fairly easy to do with just ONE phone in the house.

Oh, by the way...my daughter did not find this to be strict at all...she gradually progressed to doing different things at each age, therefore it never seemed like I was being hard on her.

I agree Carrie, and it is good to see you again....you've been gone for a minute!
 

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