The Front Porch : New neighbor instantly mad

Discussion in 'The Front Porch' started by kohlrabi croce, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. kohlrabi croce

    kohlrabi croce New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    Hi all,

    I live in a mostly-black neighborhood, in a condonimium complex with an HOA.
    There are assigned parking spaces.

    There have been problems with people parking in my space. Apparently this is
    a problem all over the complex, it's not just me.

    So one of my new neighbors (who just moved in), parked in my space without
    asking. I came back from an appointment, and his car was there in my parking spot.
    I asked him nicely to not park there any more. His reaction was instant annoyance
    and defensiveness. He said angrily that he had only been there for a short time.
    I repeated again, nicely, that I would appreciate it if he would not park there.
    It ended there, but of course now this man gives me the silent treatment.

    Why? Because I'm white and he's black? Am I not allowed to even defend the property
    that is part of what I'm renting? I was assertive, but I was respectful. If I had
    a problem with black people, I would have known to not even consider moving here.

    He didn't even have to apologize, though it would have been nice. What I would
    have wished for was just that he didn't take it so personally.
     
  2. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2006
    Messages:
    39,390
    Likes Received:
    10,421
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Speaker/Teacher/Author
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +12,078


    Welcome kohlrabi croce, one thing is certain, you will not have that parking space problem here:)

    Good luck with that, although your race probably didn't have anything to do with his response. He's well aware of the HOA.


    "He said angrily that he had only been there for a short time."


     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,787
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680

    :hello: kohlrabi croce ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

    Thanks for joining and sharing!

    It could be that he doesn't like to talk ... or because he's tall and you're short ... or a host of imaginables.

    He may not be mad ... maybe never giving it a second thought ... maybe that's his normal disposition.

    What makes you focus in on race being a major factor regarding the experience?

    Welcome again ... please make yourself at home.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. kohlrabi croce

    kohlrabi croce New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2014
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    I hope to try to understand without offending anybody. The thing is, this attitude
    seems to be par for the course where I live. The section where I ended up is
    thought to be the worst part of the whole complex. (Lucky me).

    It may be a race thing for him and others, or it may just be the mentality of this section
    that I live in. I had some problems with former neighbors (different unit), who turned
    out to be ex-cons who just weren't doing very well at assimilating. They would
    either park in my parking spot, or let their friends park there. And if it was just another
    neighbor, they would say to the neighbor that he or she had better move their car,
    or I'll have it towed. And then look at me with a pesky look, the attitude being that
    somehow I'm in the wrong, I'm the one with the problem, and there's nothing wrong
    with any of them parking in my spot without asking, because they all do it.

    So along comes the new neighbors, and I'm hoping we can get off on a better footing,
    but I'm also not going to put up with it from them either. And I was somewhat
    disconcerted to see a similar attitude from the man of this family, immediately.

    So far they are behaving much more respectably than the former neighbors.
    I'm just wondering if there is a cultural component there. It's frustrating,
    because I want to be very nice and get along, but I'm not going to put up
    with it either.

    I guess there's no way to really know. So now I have to just deal with the silent
    treatment.

    PS: I never had anybody's car towed, ever. The most I've done in that regard
    is take pictures and ask the HOA to send a warning letter - to yet a different
    neighbor.
     
  5. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2006
    Messages:
    39,390
    Likes Received:
    10,421
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Speaker/Teacher/Author
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +12,078
    ...


    Out of curiosity, but only if you feel comfortable sharing, what city and state is that, kohlrabi croce?





     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,787
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680

    interesting ... ex-cons who just weren't doing very well at assimilating ...

    i hope it works out for you ... thanks again for sharing

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Messages:
    8,153
    Likes Received:
    4,926
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Civil Eng.
    Location:
    The Third Plane of Existence
    Ratings:
    +5,928
    Hello, and welcome to Destee...I hope you enjoy your time here.

    I can empathize with your situation, but instead of the offender being black, she is white. There are 4 blacks that live on my block, and we live across the street from each other. Now this bad neighbor has willfully parked in all of our spaces without asking to accommodate her guest.

    Now here is the kick in the head...

    Her garage has an empty space, plus she can park two cars in her drive way, (which was empty) and the small space by her front window stays empty. But she will park her car in our space for hours, and sometimes over night. At times, she has had her quest park in our space.

    So after I, and my wife asked her nicely not to do it, she did it again, so I said fine. I parked my F250 full size right in front of her house and left it there for days. She ran to the HOA and they had to set her straight. And everything has been kool since then.

    In my case it a matter of race because she didn't do it to any one that was white, also the HOA told me what she asked. She asked if we were renting, and if we were, she can park in our spot because she was buying. No....boo boo..... you just missed the "sold" sign that was up there.

    In your case, it could be race...but in both cases these folk just don't respect other folks property.


    Peace!
     
  8. Therious

    Therious Banned MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2004
    Messages:
    4,109
    Likes Received:
    1,290
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +1,398
    I always thought that assigned parking spots were a bad Idea, when I lived in complexes with that type of system. However,in a busy urban area I can understand. I just think that it leads to arguments or worse. Perhaps it is cultural, you know how some believe in "claiming" land or water, or charging a motorist 15 dollars to drive over a bridge? To much "system" and regulation will lead to conflict, then again what about no system? what would that create? If you are renting, or paying association fees I can see why you'd want a guaranteed spot.
     
  9. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Messages:
    8,153
    Likes Received:
    4,926
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Civil Eng.
    Location:
    The Third Plane of Existence
    Ratings:
    +5,928
    Also, they don't really provide enough parking for guest. I've seen where they've provided 1 free space for an entire building, that's just stupid.

    Peace!
     
  10. KPITRL

    KPITRL Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +384
    It's hard to say whether or not it was about race, but what I learned when living in my townhouse in the DMV was, it's probably best to go through the HOA first, then let them send the parking rules to everybody as a general reminder. I mean there ain't too many ways you can ask a neighbor to not park in your space without them taking at least a little offense to it, no matter how nice you try to be.

    Here was a petty experience I had when I was still living in my townhouse, and it didn't have anything to do with race, because we were all black. To begin with, we each had one assigned parking space, with one guest space between each assigned space, meaning the guest spaces were for anybody who got there first. Later on, I wounded up getting a second car, knowing my old car just about had it. But to my surprise it lasted until the time I moved. The other guest spaces were in the middle of the parking lot by the mailboxes, or you could park on the main road, where you definitely didn't want to park.

    Three years after I bought my new car, I got one of those general letters from the HOA captain of our section. It was about the parking rules and it went out to everybody. Our HOA captain during this time was an older woman, who was kinda nosey, plus she had a pretty loud voice. She went to church quite often, and she always had good words for people who were married with children in our section, as though single people weren't all the way complete or something, but she appeared to be nice for the most part.

    Anyway, in her letter she said people who owned two cars should park one of their cars in the guest spaces near the mailboxes or on the main street, and leave the guest spaces that are next to their assigned parking spaces for people who had families with two cars. I was the only single person in my section with two cars to myself, so I guess the letter was aimed at me. I guest I was showing off or something. If she thought I was going to park one of my cars out in the middle of the parking lot by the mailboxes making it harder for me to keep an eye on it in that hoody neighborhood, or park it on the main road, where I couldn't keep an eye on it at all, just because I was single without a family, then she was more twisted minded than I thought. If there wasn't no such rule, and there couldn't be unless everybody also owned a guest space, then she should have basically kept her mouth shut, instead of saying what single people should be doing with their property, just because somebody who lived alone could afford an extra car. What made the letter sound more petty was, the brother next to me was also single and lived alone...so he had no family neither. He had one car, and whoever was using the guest space between us had to walk a little ways after parking there anyway, plus I was in an end unit, meaning there was no house or parking space at all on the other side of me.

    This was the same HOA who tried to make me wait pass the summer for permission to put up a SunSetter Awning and Attached Screenroom for my backyard deck, which was facing a creek wooded area loaded with mosquitos. When I finally found out who the HOA captain was during that time, he asked me what was my rationale for wanting the SunSetter Awning...lol. Actually his exact words were, "What's your rationale?". Later on that month, and about two weeks before he moved, he saw me out front and told me to go ahead and put up my awning, as though he had to convince the other members on the board...one of the ones who had to be convinced was probably himself, since I needed to provide him some rationale, lol. I was about to put it up anyway since I had already bought it. Plus those things aren't cheap when you go up in size, or start adding accessories. I just didn't know I needed permission for something so useful.

    What pushed me over was when they towed my older car from the guest space next to my assigned space. After parking my older car in that guest space for three years, the reason they gave me was they couldn't recognize my guest pass, which always hung on the arm of my rear view mirror. They claimed on that particular night, it was behind my other pass I would hang there, the pass that allowed me to get in the gate at my job. What a way to treat somebody who lived there for eight years, who was always on time with their HOA dues, which was a huge problem in that townhouse subdivision. I knew it was personal, and someone was really hating on me, and it was probably that loud mouth HOA captain I mentioned earlier who sent out that foolish letter.

    I was so furious that I had an attorney write the HOA a letter telling them to reimburse my tow fees. They agreed, then suddenly decided not too. By coincidence, this was all going on during the week my job was beginning to put the paper work in to fire me. I mentioned in an earlier post that the same day my job put me on notice, was the same day I found out later that evening that I had enough equity in my home to pay for a home in full here in Georgia. With this in mind, I wrote that HOA a long letter and told them I was moving because of the towing incident. They probably didn't believe me, until they saw that for-sale sign in my yard. I told them that since they wanted to act like thugs, I was going to move and let the neighborhood be replaced by real thugs in my place, however that subdivision had already turned a little thuggish by then...but not as bad as it did later on. But I must admit, our little section I lived in didn't look as rough as the other sections of that subdivision. I think I was one of the reasons for that, because everybody thought I was more well off since I had a white-collar job, and I always wore nice clothes, even off work, plus the SunSetter, and two cars etc... So it may have been a little keeping up with the Jones' thing going on there. One way or another, they didn't show a lot of respect for me, not that anybody punked me, but you know what I mean...the jealousy.

    I remember not long after I found a seller, who was buying with the help of his girlfriend, who was moving in along with their baby, I bumped into that HOA captain, who I always thought was behind the whole towing incident. We never had bad words for one another, and she always spoke loud and jolly, you know the type. But this time still sounding jolly, she said, "I guess those bad people will be replacing you", or something like that. I didn't pick up on what she meant until she had already went inside. I assume she was one of the ones who received that letter I wrote to the HOA. I guess she thought she was getting better neighbors since I was being replaced by a family, the kind of people she always spoke high of. But if she was so holy, she should have recognized that they were still unmarried and living in sin. Again, she should have kept her mouth shut. I kinda wish I had said something back to her for the disrespect, but I'm sure she got it back in her face...they always do.

    It even got crazier after this. During the day I was moving, someone actually called a tow truck again, this time to tow away my Uhal. I had the Uhal parked in my assigned space. I had went out for about an hour, and came back to hear my half-brother, and two buddies from my old neighborhood who were also helping me move, tell me that they came out from the basement and saw a tow truck hooked up to my Uhal. One of the buddies was Big Mike, who still hadn't shook off the jail mentality. And my half-brother was living on and off the streets for the last eight years, and some more time before that...plus he was already crazy. They said the only way they stopped that tow truck from pulling off was, they stood right up in front of it's front bumber and told the driver that if he was leaving, he would have to run them over. So the tow driver got out the truck, unhooked my Uhal, and left. I guess somebody found out my moving crew wasn't the typical white-collar workers. If that HOA captain was behind this, then she really was more deranged than I thought. And for her sarcastic comment about bad neighbors moving in, the last time I drove through that subdivision, I saw foreclosed homes that couldn't sale, grass left uncut, people working on their cars all in the parking lot leaving oil marks etc..., plus the crime rate went off the chain in that area, just like I indicated in that HOA letter. Then somebody painted the window shutters on my old house black, which didn't match the rest of the houses or the house itself. So much for the HOA...if they still even have one. Then to top it off, that HOA captain and whoever else that didn't move out that deteriorating neighborhood soon after I did, got trapped there. It turned out that a month after I moved, the prices started to drop leading on to the market collapse. The gentlemen who bought my home was cool, but I would not want to pay him a visit to see my old house.

    I said this before, but when you think about how people in this neighborhood were carrying on, plus how people were carrying on on my old job, aiming all this hate towards people who did absolutely nothing to them, even during a time when the economy was doing good, you kinda of see why things went the way they did. Even when things were good, white people were still firing black people for what amounted to nothing, and were still trying to make black people homeless. And black people were still hating on you, and were still towing your car away just because you bought a new one.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2014
Loading...