Black Relationships : Never approached as a black woman

Jan 22, 2001
betwixt and between
Website Consultant
I am never approached by men as a black woman. Not even black men approach me, or at least only one has. And no offense, sometimes I see unattractive black women with unattractive black men. Maybe its because I am not light skin.....? People tell me I have a babyface and it doesn't help that I am a petite girl. People always ask me for my age all the time. 5'6 and weigh 125 lbs and I am 21 and in college. I don't go to bars or nightclubs.

I am not an ugly girl because strangers call me beautiful/pretty. I am Nigerian-American and I have Sudanese men ask me if I am Hausa and that I am really attractive. One Sudanese man asked if I have a bf and when I told him I never had one before he was surprised and said I was really pretty and said that he sees ugly women with bfs. Or sometimes on the street, a man will say I am beautiful but still never approached. Then, I see many white guys staring at me but never approaching me. Why it that I am still never approached by any men-not even aggressive black men?

:hello: havokb ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

I often hear Sisters worried about not having the attention of a man / men.

It does not matter their origin, beauty, color, height, weight, age, nothing ... it seems universal.

I'm sure you have heard this before, but you should not worry about it too much.

In fact, it may be to your absolute benefit that they are overlooking you.

Some men ... no matter their color ... do not have a young woman's best interest at heart.

Additionally, when Sisters become overly concerned about such, they simultaneously become more vulnerable.

21 is very young with plenty of time to court and date and such ... he will come.

Try to focus on your studies, your goals (that do not require a man), your life, family, interests, etc.

I know it's hard to do, when what you want is not present, yet at the forefront of your thoughts.

Sometimes what we want is not what we need ... and the universe knows this and delivers accordingly.

I also started a thread on Hausa ... :) ... thank you for introducing the term to us! ... :yaay:

Thank you for joining us and sharing and please make yourself right at home!

Much Love and Peace.




Well-Known Member
Feb 26, 2013
Take it from me, just because you're hot doesn't mean when people see you they'll immediately be interested, and approach, on the contrary attractive people usually don't get approached because their looks act as a sort of barrier, people might see you; and like what they see, but are weighing the odds on their attempt of picking you up succeeding. Usually they want to avoid the blow of rejection, so they evade, it can be many reasons why they don't approach, but being attractive doesn't necessarily mean you will attract people with ease, most of the beauties I know remain single most of the time, especially the real "ladies". These women give off an aura that makes it difficult for men to approach
I think you best explained it, 103 ao kiji. Being that you're a man, I take your word on this.


going above and beyond
Jun 18, 2004
north philly ghetto
retired computer geek
Of course! There have been plenty of times I've backed you! But this time around, you just told her to get counseling.
:lol: That doesn't explain why guys won't approach.
:11100:i do not think anyone's personal problem can be solved via internet. is that so far out ????

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