Black Relationships : Never a fool, but rather a learner

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Zoya, Jun 1, 2003.

  1. Zoya

    Zoya Member MEMBER

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    Lesson well learned
    experience applied
    thanks to all who contributed to my decison
    did it the long hard way
    but suceeded all the same

    Special thanks to NNQUEEN, $RICH$, IsItJustMe, and all others who made me feel so much better during such an ordeal. I have come to realize that its not what love does to you, but what you do with it that matters. I had to find out from others, and drive a few miles to come to an understanding...

    Much love reciprocated from
    Zoya

    Thanx y'all:heart:
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Zoya,

    You're articulate and you certainly sound intelligent. The dilemma you're in appears to have you confused and frustrated. I can only imagine how painfully sad you must feel. I know you want answers from people here but I'm sure you realize that the only person that can tell you exactly what's going on with your man is him. All other comments will be purely speculation.

    The numerous questions you raise belong to your friend to answer and not us, yet I feel your frustration. You wrote that he doesn't return your calls, doesn't contact you as often as he used to and it sounds as though this change occurred after you were intimate with him. Now that there is this "distance" between you, you're reaching out for help in other places because he won't respond.

    Zoya, only you will know when you've had enough of waiting for him to open up to you. We can suggest all kinds of things to do and give you all sorts of opinions about what might be going on, but is that going to make things better for you? If you think it will then may I suggest that when he contacts you again, do not be intimate with him again until you're satisfied that it's a mutually beneficial thing to do.

    You want answers, so I think he's the one to give you those answers BEFORE you share your body with him again. You want more than a "friendship", so I think he should tell you in no uncertain terms that he wants that too and what he proposes the two of you do about that. If he returns to you, re-think your priorities. If he doesn't return, it's a moot point with him, but a valuable lesson to learn so that anything done won't be a mistake and more importantly, one repeated.

    Good luck sis. A mistake is a valuable lesson not learned. If you learn something of value from this, then it won't be a mistake.

    (P.S. I hope that you both were responsible enough to practice safe sex)

    Peace!
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Dear Zoya........
    indeed a man works in ways unheard of
    seem like your dear friend has issues to work out first

    I think as friends this should have been kept on that level
    to a point , you open self up to one of his needs by sharing
    your prize jewel and now seem he has left you dry
    the boundaries of friendship is a two way street always
    but the path is forward , upward
    no calls, can't get in touch , won't return your calls , phone off
    now , body shared , feelings crushed , words of i love u spoken
    yet not shown or given meanings .....yes this show that he
    maybe still in heart lovin this past girl and you was his route
    of pleasurement now gone ! he's a dear friend with emotional
    problems at this point but to love is a big step maybe he say it
    and not really ready and don't know how to say it without hurting
    you as he is driving pain into your heart with the hush hush, no
    call no show thing ......i think he kept running back to her coz
    inside he really love and want her as for you it was friendship
    when we build a friendship it's a bond as well and crossing that
    bond in most cases always crash as it seem here
    allow self to think and see within is it worth all this trouble & pain
    seek within self those answers are their ...
    know that you open the road for him to enter and he drove away
    he played house and left , now ask self was it worth friendship
    your emotional physical beings is hurt on the grounds of what you
    two shared ,makes it look like somebody was misused .....
    no you don't have to flush self away from him all together but
    realize and go back where it started and understand y'all friendz
    we all get locked in at some point when close friendz become
    a part of us but the secret is to continue and really know before
    the cross ova from friendship to being lovers ......give him a chance to comply and see if he come round but don't wait to long
    if he don't come around then sweetie just fee ya mind and move on with life surely ya heart will mend and the right guy will come along ........Good Luck confused & hurt with this maze
    Remember it's a thin line between friendship & love .
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i agree with NNQueen .....like is said too
    only self can feel this and he have to step up
    but don't wait forever
    the answers lay within ......
     
  5. Zoya

    Zoya Member MEMBER

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    You are guys are so awesome. No wonder you are super moderators. I thank you both for the words...I certainly appreciate the view from both male and female. I guess I know what to do...but I won't burn the friendship although I can't maintain it now. I just need some time to get over it....


    Zoya
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    indeed my sistah in time the beauty of grace will shine
    upon you and give you the comfort ya heart so desire
    and need to pass this emotional feelings & love
    but yes keep ur friendship alive .......thanks for sharing
    a heartfelt thing upon us ....... Remember WE CARE !!!!
    $R
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Time can be your best friend

    You're welcome Zoya! I think it's a great idea that you take all the time you need to arrive at a place where there is balance within you emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Even though things aren't as bright as you once hoped, this is a perfect window of opportunity for you to grow and become wiser.

    We wish you all the best! We're here when you need us.

    Peace! :heart:
     
  8. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i agree to with the other poets .........i have been also in some kind of situation....
    Yes certanly agree with kemetstry........
    my dad recantly said...........you know how you can see how someone loves you ..................In their walk ........their actions...
    yes .............if you love some one you want to be around that
    person.............and a phone cal would be eazy.......or a sign that he is is thinking about you ..A card whatever..even it was a quick call.....like "hey sweety i,m bizzy but i,m thinking about you and i,m doing my best to be with you.........................
    Yes Run.................RUUUUUUUUUUUUn
    this is sumthing whats happening alot now these days...........
    people dont know what they want........they want a relationchip.......once they have one......they found out that they realy want sumthing else .........they come out of a relationship and that jump into another..while their heart is maybe still with that person............and than this person........end up inpain....
    If you just ask some people eny perticular person...............
    WHat do you want...in youre life..................they somethimes even dont know..........
    And when youre a person that knows what it wants..........thats scares people somethimes.........
    i think you realy loved this person sista......
    i know i,ve been there ..............The waiting..and stufff......
    its hard ....yeah to let go cause you love him.........
    but hey i realy think that you deserve someone.........
    that realy loves you and wants to be with you...................
    and you will notice................and feel
    when someone realy loves you and wants to be with you.........
    believe me......
    he will even call you from the toilet........if he live is so bizzy......
    "" hey hunny where are you......."" believe me you dont want to know".................ok but where are you......""i just have a few seconds"" before it gets hectic again....... ""but i just had to hear youre voice"" (you know that song oletta adams)
    yo feeling me.....or ""you know what i,m gonna make time"
    but sweet......everything wil be alright he will guide you to someone..........(maybe its him cause i,m not got cant see in the future,but he has to change his ways not out of mUst but out of love.........and thats just the the thing if its love it just happends.....it comes natural)
    with love that is good for you.......
    much love to ya sister....
    unfotunatly i feel ya
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    not always the case he may just love you
    but don't know how to react nor ready to face
    the facts and the true love of you
    but do stay open in thoughts and know one self
    and seek inside his heart but if no contact
    move on in life forth it's to short to waste.....
    GOD Bless you in this journey
     
  10. Zoya

    Zoya Member MEMBER

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    Kemestry, I have never run away from a situation and I won't start now, no matter how tempting it sounds...but I do agree with you that he might be going through withdrawal. Must have been quite an addiction!!

    'Laida I felt all the compassion in your response. I really hope he is the one in the future, I guess the time just isn't right for us now?? And like u said, if he did care for me as much as he said, he would show it...I wish he would, but I am tired of wishing.

    Like $RICH$ suggested ...stay open in thoughts...

    Y'all are truly wonderful and supportive. Thank you.

    Zoya :grouphug:
     
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