Black People : Need To Vent

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by legit-writer, Oct 31, 2013.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    I normally don't come here to vent, but today I need to if you don't mind. My friend was flipping out yesterday over something stupid and she was straight up disrespecting her mother, and slamming stuff around, and I just about had it because I've seen it enough times to know. I called her out on it and told her if she wants to do all of that, that's what back alleys are for. She got all upset and put words in my mouth and also said I don't care what she is going through but the reality of it is if something is bothering you and you don't talk about it, don't get mad and tell someone that they do not care. That makes just as much sense as hunting for rattlesnakes in high grass. Just saying.
    If you're having a problem, talk it out or keep it to yourself. Don't flip out, having temper tantrums or take it out on others. It clouds your common sense, and it causes you to hear things that were never said. All this time I've asked her a** what's wrong and she tells me "nothing" is wrong, and I don't care? Try not being talked to, no eye contact, cold responses and acting as if you aren't there. Then you can say I don't care. When folks keep f**king with me, that's the side of me they end up getting and trust me, that's the side of me you never want to see. In my book, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. And that's where I am at right now. Venting done. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,787
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    that's rite Sweetie ... come on home and vent ... :love:

    love you :grouphug:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Orisons

    Orisons Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United Kingdom
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,640
    Likes Received:
    442
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Designer/Project Manager
    Location:
    London in the United Kingdom
    Ratings:
    +599
    If you think you’re in the WARS, my ex partner actually stopped talking to her mother [who I still get on very well with] because her mother told her that she shouldn’t be talking about me in a disparaging manner in front of our 2 children [which has done them so much damage, I truly doubt that they will EVER recover]?

    The one and only FIGHT that we’d had was me telling her “You KNOW where my children are welcome at any time in Barbados [she’s Barbadian and had collected some cash from some relatives that I have there], they have a similarly secure welcome awaiting them in several places in Guyana [where I was born and lived until I was 8 years old], in NYC, Toronto and obviously here in London where we live, what YOU DO, is UP TO YOU!

    She did cry out, as if I’d hit her!

    After 8 years of subsequently being blocked access to my children [which I didn’t challenge as I knew that my son didn’t like having me around/due to how easily he could manipulate his mother whereas when he made similar moves with me I’d just laught at him, as I dismissed them/G even told his school teachers that I wouldn’t leave him alone/thus he NEEDED to feel what his life would be like without my financial support which he’d had for the first 10 years of his life] I decided to invite them to my father’s 80th birthday celebration [as my son was nearly 18 and my daughter nearly 13] because ALL of the family was going to be there [including many from abroad] and obviously they had as much right to be there as the rest of their cousins/family.

    I even called to let them know that if they couldn’t get there by themselves that I would get them picked up and brought back home, thus when they didn’t come to the celebration I went around to talk to them.

    The first time my son wasn’t there and I soon left as this so STUPID WOMAN asked my daughter to tell me why she decided not to come to the celebration [Danielle looked like she was just going to explode into tears/thus I turned and left rather than watch her crumble like that] to see me/us; whereas the following week my son was there.

    When we started to speak he started to talk about my relationship with his mother at which point I simply asked him, “G, have I EVER discussed your mother with you”?” He very truthfully said “NO”, and I said “Well there you go”!

    At which point he became agitated/said he was feeling confused because this epically dim woman had stunted his spiritual and intellectual development [couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let a 10 year old beat me at chequers, was genuinely mystified when I explained that what would be the point when there are some 10 year olds out there that would destroy my best effort at chess/as opposed to chequers whereas when my son is not functioning at that sort of level, how would it help him to pretend that he was?

    I have very few regrets in my life, but would you believe that easily the biggest one is the fact that I didn’t take advantage of the 2 separate occasions that I know about when my ex had left my children [on the first occasion the friend she paid to look after them rather than allowing my parents to do so, left an 8 and a 3 year old at home alone while she went to work] to go holidaying/partying in Barbados to take them away from her [had I involved Social Services here on those occasions she would have had a torrid time trying to get them back], bring them up myself?

    My problem was the fact that I truly don’t HATE her [but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned in that I just didn’t want her back/she refused to GROW/dreamed that she could eventually totally manipulate me], truly didn’t want to hurt and humiliate her, but now in hindsight I can see that me doing so would have definitely been in my daughter’s best interests [as easily my brightest child she’s nowhere near the academic level my support got her very average as opposed to brilliant brother to] and unlike what their mother did to me, I would have NEVER EVER denied her regular access to her children.
    Getting back to your situation, have you read “Men are from Mars – Women are from Venus” by John Gray, as you are attempting to relate to your partner in a rationally supportive manner whereas she seems to be totally locked into an emotive rage, with her “NOTHING” statement actually meaning everything is wrong, are you sure she’s not simply pre-menstrual or even worse I had an ex who stayed in a horribly manic pre-menstrual mode all the time when we tried to use the pill for contraception [I simply had to bail out from that relationship]?

    Isn't ANYONE who genuinely believes they are not programmed
    graphically illustrating that their programming is COMPLETE?
     
  4. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    she's not my partner, she's my friend. we've been friends for years, and I just got sick and tired of all the drama that she always causes, so I called her out on it. I am a woman, and I know. Sometimes when someone asks me what's wrong. I don't feel like talking about it at that moment, but I am mature enough to not cause a scene either and take it out on other people that did absolutely nothing to me. I love her dearly, like my own sister, but she has temper tantrums like an eight year old when no one kisses her butt and always in her face wanting to know what's wrong when nine times out of ten, she isolates herself from everyone and doesn't want to talk to ANYONE. then she got all pissed, saying we (me and her) don't talk and I'm like "what"???? and that's when I said that the times I do ask what's wrong, she says nothing half the time, and other times, she takes it upon herself to tell me what's wrong or pulls me aside if she wants to talk. i don't believe in forcing someone to talk to me about their problems (unless it's my boyfriend lol). When they're ready to talk to me, they'll talk to me. I just don't believe in drawing negative attention over something trivial (in this case, her dad was asking her to empty the litter box because another cat that came by has used it and that is why their cat didn't use it for the past few days. instead of her just doing it, she argues and argues instead and whines like a little girl) to self just to get out what's really wrong. People need to learn to keep their emotions in check.
     
  5. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2011
    Messages:
    2,944
    Likes Received:
    2,098
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,204
    This is a good thread legit-writer......

    A good place to come and vent, get things off your chest
    before doing harm with harsh words to someone else.
     
  6. Orisons

    Orisons Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United Kingdom
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,640
    Likes Received:
    442
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Designer/Project Manager
    Location:
    London in the United Kingdom
    Ratings:
    +599
    Whoops! Sorry, I should have checked to see if your message was posted by a man or woman but trust me read “Men are from Mars – Women are from Venus” by John Gray is still worth reading [have you read it] despite being very very damaging to the ego; in that what could be more CRUSHING to one’s ego/sense of individuality than finding that an author can predict your response to a given situation with 100% accuracy [which is exactly what this book did to me]?

    The most useful aspect of this book was the way it highlighted the number of times that I’d shut relationships down due to listening to what my girlfriend was saying and subsequently taking it literally as opposed to KNOWING what she really means [“I’m going to Australia” meant I’m thinking of putting a lot of distance between us for some considerable time, what are you going to say or do to convince me to stay; whereas I just heard what she said and let this poor unfortunate woman waste a considerable amount of money going to Australia/was completely baffled as to why she was so aggressively hostile when she did come back].

    When one fully understands what is meant as opposed to said, don’t you at least consciously have the option of committing more to this relationship or shutting it down; whereas in hindsight I’m genuinely horrified by just how many times I had shut relationships down unconsciously, on AUTOMATIC?

    How would your friend cope with a serious problem, if an occurrence as minor as the one you described can upset her so much/cause so much DRAMA?

    Isn't ANYONE who genuinely believes they are not programmed
    graphically illustrating that their programming is COMPLETE?
     
  7. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2011
    Messages:
    2,944
    Likes Received:
    2,098
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,204
    Orisons, are you venting here are just making conversation. I can't tell the difference from one
    post to the other. Just asking.
     
  8. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    i've read the book. and most of those things don't apply to me and i'm a woman. if i don't want to talk right then, i will tell them so. i don't have time for games of "nothing's wrong" if something is.
     
  9. Orisons

    Orisons Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United Kingdom
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,640
    Likes Received:
    442
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Designer/Project Manager
    Location:
    London in the United Kingdom
    Ratings:
    +599
    If publicly admitting that the biggest regret of my life to date is not taking advantage of the 2 clear cut opportunities I had to take my son and daughter from their mother; isn’t venting, what is it?

    Whereas are YOU going to vent anything in this thread?

    Isn't ANYONE who genuinely believes they are not programmed
    graphically illustrating that their programming is COMPLETE?
     
  10. Orisons

    Orisons Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United Kingdom
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,640
    Likes Received:
    442
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Designer/Project Manager
    Location:
    London in the United Kingdom
    Ratings:
    +599
    How would your friend cope with a serious problem, if an occurrencc as minor as the one you described can upset her so much/cause so much DRAMA?

    Didn’t you find it useful though, I have, despite being genuinely shocked at just how predictable [typically male] my responses to specific situations were [this guy literally threw my delusions of individuality in the bin]; now I at least consciously have the option, as opposed to the so very wasteful manner in which I used to terminate relationships on automatic?

    Isn't ANYONE who genuinely believes they are not programmed
    graphically illustrating that their programming is COMPLETE?
     
Loading...