Need a Little Advice

Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by SoothinDivinity, Mar 17, 2005.

  1. SoothinDivinity

    SoothinDivinity Active Member MEMBER

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    Hey everybody,
    Usually I just post a few poems every now and again but I stumbled across this and HAD to ask of ya'll opinion about what I can do about this very complicated situation I'm goin through. It's a long one so bear with me please. (I'm a talker)

    Now I graduated from high school last year (2004) and I had a really tight group of friends. (I was the baby of the group. I'm a year younger then the rest of them, so they really mean the world to me because they have always protected me). There was myself, 2 other girls and three boys. Now, when we were in highschool together we were all like brothers and sisters. We'd go out to parties and the movies, spend time at each others house's....things like that but it was never anything romantic between any of us. We were all just really good friends, super friends (we started calling ourselves that freshmen year of highschool) Then this past summer me and my very best guy friend of the group ended up kissing and we continually hooked up throughout the summer. I was expecting that we were gonna be together. It was like my fairytale fantasy was coming true....ya know the friend who you've known all your life becoming your one true love. ( Hey, I have a big imagination and am a sucker for a love story) Anyway the whole summer we keep our "relationship" in the dark. I put all my focus into that boy and I really loved him. I loved him before we kissed so after we hit that level of intimacy it was over for me, I was hooked.(I'm not a very experienced person when it comes to relationships and I've only had 1 boyfriend, and been kissed by a total of two guys-the boyfriend and my best friend-...you must keep that in mind as I continue) So towards the end of the summer when it was about to be time for all of us to part and go to our seperate colleges I asked him what we were going to do about us. I mean I dont just kiss a guy and think nothing of it, I live my life passionatly and if I do something its because I feel there is something behind it. That's when he broke my heart and said that he just wanted to go back to our friendship and that he loved me but he didnt want me as his girlfriend. He said I was a good girl, that I was too sheltered, and that's not what he needed going into college he wanted to have fun and supposedly didnt wanna hurt me.

    Fastforward a little and I eventually put all my hurt behind me and we tried to mend our friendship. We weren't as close as we were before the whole kissing but we were back to talking every now and again. Our schools are in driving distance of one another (In fact all 6 of us basically stayed in Northern California) so we all would kick it from time to time and go to parties and things like that together. So during the first semester of college one of my girlfriends(my best girlfriend) and one of my guyfriends (from the group of six) hook up and now they are in a real serious loving relationship. After they got together that's when all hell broke loose. My two remaining guy friends (the one I kissed and the other one) make the choice that, Oh those two seem to be working out I'm goin to try to get with the girl that I've had my eye on in the group......the bad thing is they both say they like me and always have. My former kissing partner made this big confession that he made a mistake....but I had already started talking to my other friend. I still had that stupid dream ( about falling in love wit a friend), and I really am shy so the only time I get invovled wit anyone is if they pursue me, and our other friend was pursuin HARD. So Me and my friend (not the one I kissed but the other one) were just talking. Ya know goin to the movies and hangin out more often without the group. We were talkin for like a month, we hadnt kissed or anything like that because I wanted to make sure it was right. That's when I found out that the friend that I was talking to was basically lying to me the whole time we were talking, he had a girlfriend at his college and was tryng to make me his side girlfriend for when he came back home or when we were all kicking it together. The one he introduced to his mother and showed off. I was so hurt because I thought he like me for me, not just the idea of me. The way I found out was through my best guy friend (the one i kissed). He had known for a while but had waited to tell me because he didnt want it to seem like he was hatin.

    Now I'm feeling like my life is a big soap opera. I had a best friend, thought he was the one for me, he pushes me aside after he's bored with kissing me then tries to come back after he realizes we could have had greatness. I had a friend who I saw so much potential in, then I find out he's just tryin to use me (thank goodness I never kissed him). And at this present moment the guy who I thought was gonna be the one to make my fairytale come true ( the bestfriend I kissed) is still tryin to get with me..............here's where your advice comes in. I'm feelin as though I should just part from all of this. Although I've been friends with these people for almost 5 years these two boys are causing me too much grief. They no longer speak to each other and are constantly calling me to bad mouth the other and make themselves look good. I've forgivin both of them for using me and hurtin me. ( Maybe I'm too forgiving) I've also told both of them that friends is all we can ever be but they still are trying to talk to me in a romantic way saying stuff like, "You just dont undersand now I realize your the one." and things like that. I brush them off and tell them that I dont date friends anymore....in fact I dont date anymore period. I've grown very bitter towards dating and romance. I was always a very shy and quiet girl when it came to that type of thing but now I'm at my worst and I dont know how to get out of the pit I'm in. I but all my attention into school who cares about love? I write all the time about my dreams of love but I dont try to go out much to find it. Do you guys think that I should just step away from the situation and not speak to the two guys anymore, continue to speak only in polite ways like I've been doing? I do see that one of them is really trying though....the one I kissed...the one I had so much feeling for...but he hurt me so bad and a part of me wants to try but then the other part is like never make the same mistake twice soooo....I just dont know. I'm tryin to just look at what's best for me but so much is at stake and so many people are yapping in my ear talking bout I should be flattered that two people are trying to get wit me.....or I should give this on a chance or that one a chance.....it not as great a situation as it seems. There was once a time when I would pray that someone would recognize the beauty within me but now.....I just dont know.


    Wow I wrote alot. It felt good to vent and even if no one reads this I feel 10 pounds lighter gettin this all off my chest. I think i'm just done with it now, maybe I just needed to write how I felt. Well thanks for readin my LOOOOOOONG post. I think I'm goin to write a book about my dramtic and complicated life. Leave a comment if you have any advice. :) or comments about my drama...:)
     
  2. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey baby girl,

    Whew! That's a heckuva lotta drama. It is very disappointing when others let us down. Try not to let that make you bitter - you can't control what other people do. But you can control your own attitude. Insist on being positive and keeping an open heart, and you always win.

    As for those two boys, I think it would be a good idea to step back and refrain from talking to them for a little while. When you're young, you tend to say "ever" and "never again." Don't make any promises to yourself. You may end up speaking to them sometime in the future, maybe even being friends. (cause we all do stupid stuff when you're young) But don't worry about that now. You need to take a break from them and repair yourself, so do that, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for that. If you want to be friends with them again sometime in the future, you'll know when that time is.

    Peace
     
  3. SoothinDivinity

    SoothinDivinity Active Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for reading my long post an giving great advice gempis.....what you said really made me realize that I have been focusing too much on how everyone else in this situation is feeling and that I've been dwelling on this drama for too long. I'm gonna take your advice and do me.....I really am greatful for your words. It's good to have the opinion of someone who isn't tryin to force me to do something for the greater good of the group. Much love to you.
     
  4. miss-no-love

    miss-no-love Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :) I agree with gempis, I think that you should stop talking to both of them for awhile, I mean it's other fish in the sea ma, I got the feeling that you have feelings for the best friend that had kiss you, and thats okay.....Only time can tell ma and you got to follow your heart, I know that you maybe want to give it another try but try it in the future and see what happens or if you really feel that you wan't to give it another try now then see how it goes but remember how you got hurt the first time.

    When you look in the mirror what you see may not be ya self! 1love
     
  5. DestinyLove222

    DestinyLove222 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Girl

    Hi Girl
    I am young too. Love hurts sometimes. But when it knocks you down, you got to get right back up and try it again. There is somebody out there for everybody. God will send you that special someone. Just wait, because that what I am doing. I will give you the same advice that I give m friends follow your heart and stay true to yourself.
     
  6. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Theres some good in everything. as least you didn't have sex with either one of them....it could have been worse
     
  7. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Truly gf,

    :fyi: It may be in your best to abstain from dating friends.. but.. in addition to that.. Come over to the Women Wariors thred.. you are a strong black woman.. it is within u.. i see that from your writing. Truthfully.. I think it will help you grow spiritually and mentally.. as a young sister myself.. (20y/0) your drama sounds liek something that came out of my freshman year of high school .. not college.. its a beautiful thing to be nieve to the world. But the world is fully prepared to take you and turn you upsode down and have u lookin like a fool. I was sorta like you.. sorta.. in the fact that I was still a virgin coming out of high school.. so, i @ 1st kinda concluded that if I and another are talking and we have sex.. were automatically together.. lol.. lol.. NOT! Fairytales are great and all.. but nobody ever gets "Happily Ever After" on their tombstone.. lifes a hustle. From the Classroom to the board room.
     
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