Black People : Nagging Toxic!!!!

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Kemetstry, Jan 27, 2012.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Researcher Says 'Nagging is the Enemy of Love'

    Oh dear. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, now us ladies need to chill with the nagging...

    By Ariane Marder






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    Take out the trash, don't forget your doctor's appointment, do you HAVE to strip off all of your clothes as soon as you come through the door and leave a trail through the house of dirty socks. That last one is a true story and, if I may be hyperbolic, the most annoying thing ever.
    Sound familiar? It does to me, unfortunately. And now an article published in the "Wall Street Journal" says that nagging is more pervasive than cheating and just as damaging. The article states:
    "Nagging -- the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed -- is an issue every couple will grapple with at some point. While the word itself can provoke chuckles and eye-rolling, the dynamic can potentially be as dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances. Experts say it is exactly the type of toxic communication that can eventually sink a relationship."
    Citing a study by researcher, professor and co-founder of the Center for Marital and Family Studies Dr. Howard Markham, the author points out that wives aren't the only ones to do the nagging; however, it also says that women are more likely to be the provokers mainly due to the fact that, in most cases, they run the households. What do they expect? We have to remind them because they don't want to listen. Ugh.
    But the facts are facts. Dr. Markham found "that couples who became unhappy five years into their marriage had a roughly 20 percent increase in negative communication patterns consistent with nagging, and a 12 percent decrease in positive communication. 'Nagging is an enemy of love, if allowed to persist,' Dr. Markman says."
    Luckily, it's not all bad news: It is possible to work on communication patterns that are more productive. According to the WSJ, "The first step in curbing the nagging cycle, experts say, is to admit that you are stuck in a bad pattern. You are fighting about fighting. You need to work to understand what makes the other person tick."



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    Good to know. I also think it's important to catch yourself when you're being too much of a pest. I admit sometimes I am guilty of the above, and I know how how much it bothers me when my mom tells me the same thing over and over. It makes me feel like a kid who can't be trusted to be on top of my responsibilities. I don't want to make my partner feel that way and somehow he made it to this point without my help, so I'm going to watch myself. Not because of him, per se, but because of how I feel when I'm doing it -- which is like a crazy person.
    Are you a nag? Tell the truth... Do you find yourself asking your significant other to help you with something more than once? Do you do it because you don't think you're being heard? Is your Mom a nagger? Do you think this study has legs?
     
  2. Nakeone

    Nakeone Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My girl used to do that. I learned what she wanted. When i gave her that face( smirking) and told her to shut her mouth and pushed her in the room and made intense love to her it stopped. She's just asking for it my man. Now give it to her Real gooooooooooood.
     
  3. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yes. nagging is toxic to a relationship...especially when it spills over into every other facet of your life.

    when my wife and i were married, i told her that if she needs to ask me to do anything, to only ask once...and it will get done. it may not get done RIGHT NOW but it will get done. there is nothing in life that needs to be done right now...unless it's a medical emergency. my wife has come to understand that i operate on a different schedule than does she...and when i tell her it's going to be done...that it will get done. so, there is no nagging. as for household cleanliness, i'm more of a neat freak than she is, so there's no concern there. i think the major problem is that, when people are getting to know each other, they over look/let slide things that would otherwise infuriate them. once the luster, or novelty, of newness wears off, they're no longer willing to hold back...and the nagging begins.

    another toxic issue within relationships is what starts off as innocent joking. generally, when you run out of topics to joke about, you start making fun/jokes of your partner. the problems begin when your partner doesn't find your jokes funny. when you make your partner the butt of your jokes for the amusement of others, or yourself, what does that say about the person you claim to love...when that's the best thing you have to say about them. (just a side note)

    BOTTOM LINE: know your partner. know what turns them on; know what makes them strong; know what lift them up; know what tears them down...and stay away from it...if you love them.
     
  4. Nakeone

    Nakeone Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Real talk i was with a beautiful woman who nagged and made judgement calls on my line of work at the time. Beneath the surface was a control freak which is the Worst! Sometimes they may jokingly point out a few things here and there but that leads to a total disrespect for who you are. They are attacking your essence. When this happens and harsh words begin, it's time to go bro.

    I totally sabotaged the relationship just for her to get so turned off. But next time i'll handle it as soon as it happens. Let them know you don't like what they are doing. Loving me does not give you the right to insult, nag, etc. I'll put up with some nagging but if it crosses that line, i'm gonna sit her down and tell her. Sometimes when in love woman may smirk it off as in, "awwwwww i hurt your feelings baby" but they need to pay attention to this and not forget that MEN WANT RESPECT AND WOMAN WANT TO BE CHERISHED because before they know it, you're dating someone else that is more balanced. But woman are supposed to get on your nerves a little. That's what they are here for. lol
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Did you ever ask her why she couldnt just ask for it like a normal human being.

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    If she truly controlling, you telling her wouldnt have made a difference.
     
  7. Nakeone

    Nakeone Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Many woman have misconceptions of what a woman is supposed to be like. Maybe too many romance novels in their brain diet. It may take a 9 year study to figure some of them out. Not worth my time.
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    We agree. And brothers end up doing strange things to keep peace in the house

    .
     
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