Black Jokes Humor : My week at the gym

Discussion in 'Black Jokes Humor' started by Zulile, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dear Diary,

    For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

    Although I am still in great shape since being an athlete 43 years ago in high school, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Temba, who identified himself as a 26-year-old instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

    My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    MONDAY:

    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Temba waiting for me. He is something of an African god - with tight curls, ebony smooth, fluid muscles dancing with every move. Woo Hoo!! He gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

    Temba was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

    TUESDAY:

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

    Temba made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Temba's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

    WEDNESDAY:


    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.

    Temba was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this tone that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Temba put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Temba told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.

    THURSDAY :

    Temba was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

    Temba took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me.

    Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. :)lol:)

    FRIDAY :

    I hate that Temba more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.

    Temba wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the **** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    SATURDAY :

    Temba left a message on my answering machine in his grating voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

    SUNDAY :

    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
     
  2. hiphopolx

    hiphopolx Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LMAO

    Thank You for sharing. This actually had me in tears.
     
  3. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was laughing by Wednesday!

    LIFE.. is this true?
     
  4. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well,

    I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. but..

    ..by the time I got my leotard on, class was over. :look:
     
  5. PLATINUMILLITY1

    PLATINUMILLITY1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    THAT FAINT BUTTON!!!!!....smh.....ah(fainting)
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    OMG.....lol i was laughing so hard !
     
  7. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Now that was funny.
     
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