My true confession

Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by krazelyricks, Jun 2, 2004.

  1. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Everybody has made a mistake in their life, right? Well, I think I made a big one. I don't know if everyone knows this or not but I a project girl and I'm strictly gangsta. Whether it be in the streetz or at this forum I always speak my mind and say my piece as many of you have witnessed. I hold nothing back. Well, that's why I'm telling you this. I need advice. BAD.

    Recently, I said that I never gave my virginity away. Well, this was true until about two weeks ago. I gave it away. I told myself that I wouldn't. I even fasted on the subject of men. But I did it. I never knew that the first time could leave you with a baby inside you. I really didn't. Well, it did to me. Life has changed for me so much.

    I found out last night that I was pregnant. I had took a physical last week to become a cheerleader. Well, that's out the way now. I don't know what I'm going to do. There are so many things going through my mind. I don't want to kills an innocent child but then again I have no other choice. I have school and I want to be something. I have goals. :cry: I mean, we are so young. My boyfriend and me. I called him last night and he said he doesn't want me to kill it but I see no other option. He wants to marry me and make a family but I'm just 17 I don't have time for a family. I know he will hold true to his word because he is a drug dealer and goes to school full time but I don't have time for one man. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

    I heard people like Nita and others say that I was fast and what can I say but I finally agree with them. When we had sex I didn't know it was going to end like this. We were just celebrating his birthday. :crying: Now, I'm.....I mean we are stuck with a decision that will decide our life forever. Life will change for the both of us. I said I was so mature but :crying: I was just immature like everybody said. I just need a shoulder to cry on before I tell my mama. I'm going to be dead.

    I talk about kids that get pregnant in my poetry but now I'm apart of that satistic. I just replied to a post her about situations like that and I didn't even follow my own oppinion. [email protected], I just feel so stupid. What happened between yesterday and today that made me so stupid. Right now, I just don't know what I'm going to do. To be honest, I'm on the verge of suicide and happiness because I will be away from it all. I don't want abortion on my head but I can't live with a baby either. This is the best option.

    I'm just confused. My man wants to be with me. He says he loves me but I don't love him that's why I don't want to marry him. Why get married and you know it's not going to work? :cry: Right now, I just wish I could rewind the hands of time. This is crazy. I need a :grouphug: and bad.
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sister Foxi, to say that I'm a bit caught off guard with your news, is an understatement. I'm really sorry to learn of your situation and even more for your suffering and disappointment. The situation you now find yourself in is not an easy one dearheart and I hope there is someone you trust and look up to--like your mother--that you can talk to about this. I know it was a decision that you and your boyfriend made--to have sex--and it's too late to beat up on yourself about the past--but you must seek advice and counseling from others before you do anything else that you might regret for the rest of your life. It's truly unfortunate that you didn't wait to share your body with someone that you felt close enough to, to want to marry him if he should ask you. Because of what you both did, now, not only is there a baby that will be without its father, but a father that will have to live without his child. The result of this could cause serious harm to both (not to mention your own emotional state) if it's not handled properly. What the boyfriend might be learning from this is how to walk away from any woman he might be with in the future who becomes pregnant with his child. So a vicious cycle might begin from one episode of sex. You say you don't love this guy, but I'm reminded of the song Tina Turner made popular in the 1980s, "What's Love Got to do with it?"...especially now.

    Believe it or not, it's not the end of the world though. But that all depends on what you do next. I know we've talked so often here on the message boards about teenage pregnancies and girls becoming single mothers and here you are faced with that reality. It's a big slap in the face isn't it? Having a baby is the easy part my young sister--raising a child is what's the hardest to do because it requires courage, good sense, dedication, commitment and selfless behavior. A child needs love, but it also needs nurturing...a roof over its head, food in its tummy, clothes to cover its body and a good healthplan.

    If you decide to have the baby, know that your life doesn't have to stop as a result but yes, as you stated, it will never be the same. You can still be somebody with or without a child. And sometimes children have this uncanny way of making us work harder to reach a goal because we know they depend on us so much for the essential things in life. It might take you a different route or you may have to travel a different path, but you can still get there if you believe in yourself and please...try not to repeat this until you're absolutely sure you're ready and capable of handling the situation. No child should ever be an "accident".

    I wish you the best with your decision and pray that you can live with whatever it is.

    Peace,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  3. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know Queenie everybody goes on their journey of life differently. I never thought this would be a dip in my road. I remember something that Deste said just a while back "Children should not have sex unless they are willing to deal with the consequences." Well, I thought I was read. But I guess I shouldn't dip in the cookie jar, huh? Now, a baby is in a mix. And like you said it will never be the same for neither of us. A have a man that loves the ground I walk on and that should be a dream come true right? But it's not. I just wish I could walk away from my life and look at it from the outside. Life is full of ups and downs but where is the median? There is none. Now, my poor child. My baby has to live or die with the next decision I make. I didn't ask for this. I'm not ready for this. I'm just a baby myself. I don't see how a baby being in the mix will make me succeed. I don't want to be thrirty and just finishing high school and I don't want to be forty going to college. This is a cruse. And I need to be relieved of it's hex.
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sister Foxi, I know it's easy for me, or anyone for that matter, to give you advice. I also know how difficult it must be for you to see anything ahead of you but doom and gloom right now. But trust me you don't have to look at the situation as though it's the end of your life or that it destroys all of your hopes and dreams forever. I realize that you don't want to be in your 30's and 40's trying to pursue your education sister, but you must realize that it's not that important when you finish but rather that you do no matter what. Truth be known, you can finish high school on time if you set your mind to it and planned ahead. And, you can also go on to college, even as a single parent. Many people do and are able to successfully meet the challenge of raising a child and being a student at the same time. It's all about how much heart you have.

    You have a right to be sad and disappointed--and even discouraged. This is no simple matter and the options for you don't seem all that good. I'm sure if you had the choice and could turn back the hands of time, you would make different choices sister, but realistically we know that's not possible. So you must, as my mother used to always say, lie in the bed that you made for yourself but it doesn't have to be filled with lumps.

    I know you're frightened and if I was you, I'd be too. But you must stop feeling sorry for yourself and regretting what you did. Having a pity party won't change things. You either have the choice to live with the consequences of your actions or to terminate what's growing inside of you. Either way, there's a cost all involved will pay and it's best that you know this now so that it won't come as another surprise to you as you move on with your life.

    Not everything that we do in life comes to us because we asked for it. Oftentimes we cause the things that happen by the decisions we make and the actions that follow. You can't just walk away from your life and live it on the outside looking in. Yes, life is full of ups and downs but there is value in both places if we only look at it that way. We can learn from the valleys as much as we can when we reach the mountaintops. And truthfully, you're not a baby anymore--not by a longshot. You're feeling that way now because you thought you were smarter than this. But we all make mistakes and should learn from them. The best thing you can do now is pull yourself up by the boot straps and THINK and PRAY for guidance in this situation.

    I'm here if you need to talk sister.....just say the word!

    Queenie :heart:
     
  5. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister Foxi

    I didn't come to fuss or place blame. You now stand where I stood 10 years ago. I too felt like I was alone. I was so afraid I even thought about running away and yes even thought about suicide.

    Now it's time to decide what you want to do sister.
    (foxi)
    Now, my poor child. My baby has to live or die with the next decision I make. I didn't ask for this. I'm not ready for this. I'm just a baby myself. I don't see how a baby being in the mix will make me succeed. I don't want to be thrirty and just finishing high school and I don't want to be forty going to college. This is a cruse. And I need to be relieved of it's hex.

    Maybe you didn't ask for this, but your actions caused you to be in this situation. You may not be ready, but who really is ready for parenthood? Parenthood is not something you are born knowing how to do. Foxi, who says
    having a baby will keep you from success??? I was a teenage mother and I finished school on time. I went on to college and the only reason why I stopped was to put my husband thru college while I took care of the family. I will finish. I don't care if I am 30 by the time I'm done. A degree is an accomplishment, something no one can take away. A degree has the same value if you get it when you're 24,34 or 44.
    Sister foxi, having a baby is not a curse. Having my son was the best decision I have ever made. If I hadn't had him I don't think I would be as strong as I am today. I try to imagine my life without him and how my life might have been if I hadn't had him, but I can't because he is a part of me. You have to sit down and think about the best decision for you and you child. Forget the untruths about you not being able to accomplish your goals. As long as you carry God with you, you and that baby will be fine. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I dare you to walk on faith. I encourage you to have this child and be a loving and caring parent. I encourage you to reach your goals and sway the odds that are against you. I'm prayig for you sister. If you need me you know how to call. I'm always here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

    Nita
    :heart:
     
  6. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :grouphug: Nita

    I knwo the degree will still amount to the same no matter what age I am but I would like to have some experience with it before I die. My mama had a full scholarship to Emory but she had me two week before she graduated from high school and never went. She never finished school. They mailed her diploma in the mail and that was the end of it. I just don't want to be like her or the other people around my school like her. That is pitiful. I want to be something. Something big. Whether it be peotry, academic, or journalism. I want to make a difference for the black community because I care. A baby is no where in the plans. Not even in years to come. I was planning to have my first baby at 40. That's just how bad I didn't want a baby.
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Foxi:

    There are more options available to teenager mothers than there ever has been in the past. By no means should your child stop you from finishing high school or going to college. Talk to the guidance counselors at your school. In many instances schools offer night classes and summer classes for pregnant teens (if your school doesn't offer this, they should send you to a school that does). Also most community colleges offer both free day care and financial assistance to mothers. Besides the low cost of tuition, this is one of the primary attraction to community colleges, they allow people who ordinarily couldn't go to college, an opporunity for higher education. In addition, there are also government programs which offer free daycare for low-income single mothers.

    Having a child does not mean the end of all your hopes & dreams. Unfortunately it does mean a harder road in what you might want to accomplish. It also means the end of your childhood. You can no longer do whatever you want to do, where ever & when ever you want to do it. This might mean instead of going to college full time, and joining a fraternity....you go part time & get a full time job. It also means instead of going to clubs, you spend evenings with your child.

    I hope you talk to your mother about this Foxi...you'll need her support. The sooner you tell her, the better it will be for both of you. I also hope the man who got you pregnant (the 24 year old?), loves you as much as you say. This child is as much his responsibility as it is yours. However to be honest with you, there is a possibility that he won't take care of this child (regardless of what he is currently saying). You have to prepare yourself for this eventuality Foxi.....that is part of facing the reality of the situation you're in. I wish you & the baby all the best. I am here for you, if you have any questions.
     
  8. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Aww lil sis! Come here let me give you a big :grouphug: I'm not going to say to much because everyone here has given you great advice. However, I will say, Now stand up, Dry your ailing eyes. You can do this! Life wont stop here lil sis.

    How many times have you been in a situation and you thought that you could not go on? How many times have you been wrong about something to find out you still had the strength to make it right? Whatever you decide will be your starting point to continue to learn and grow. Sometimes we just don't know the deep core of things until we experience them.

    Let your experience make you stronger and wiser! If you do decide to have your child, just know that your goals and dreams are still attainable. It is you who holds the key to the path that your life will take. We all make mistakes and we make them everyday. The key is to pick yourself up, brush your shoulders off, Hold your held up strong and proud, And continue on forward.

    What I'm saying may not mean much to you now, But Lil Sis, I'm so proud of you! So many young mother's are to afraid to even ask for help or advice. You are intelligent enough to know that Asking for help won't hurt. Confront mom with this! She will help guide you in the path you will need to go!

    Continue to be the best you can! Life is just a big adventure, learn and grow with it!
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Foxi ... my heart is heavy with yours, for like many young teens, i too got pregnant while still in high school and faced the frightening decisions that are before you now. My son is 26. I was 17 when i gave birth, still in high school, and i graduated with my class. You know i've told you all of this before. I won't fuss or any such thing, for that is not needed now. I know how easy it is to make a bad decision, i've made many, but no matter how bad the decision turned out to be, the challenge from this point on, is to make better ones ... with each opportunity that presents itself ... and this you can do ... i'm confident!

    So much wonderful advice, encouragement and love has already been given in this thread and there's only one thiing i'd like to stress ... and that is ... to talk to your Mother right away.

    First of all, no one loves you like she does. Even if she has said the famous, "i'm putting you out if you get pregnant" kinda talk. Mothers usually say this in hopes of encouraging their daughters not to become sexually active. My Mother said it too, but she didn't mean it. She was my greatest defender, ally, supporter, and source of love and encouragement. Don't deny yourself this blessing by putting off telling her.

    When i told my Mother i was pregnant, we were cuddled together one cold winter night, and i was crying, and scared ... i never even had to say the words, she said them for me, and i just cried more ... after holding each other and crying a little more ... she wiped our tears and said, "As long as you aren't telling me you have cancer and are going to die tomorrow, we can handle it." She also said, "Hold your head up, and don't let anyone make you feel bad. You've not done anything anyone else hasn't done, only you got caught." She went with me to the doctor's office to confirm what i already knew. After the examination, the nurse brought in pamphlets describing all of our options, keeping the baby, adoption, abortion, etc., and gave us some time alone to discuss them. Once she left the room, i asked my Mother, "What are we going to do?" She said, "It's your decision, and whatever you decide i'll be right there with you." There were no signs on her face for me to read, giving me to know what she wanted. She truly left it up to me. I think my Mother did not share her views because she knew i'd have to live with the overwhelming consequences of the decision ... no matter which way i went ... and therefore, it should be mine.

    Again, no one loves you like your Mother. Your body has already begun to change, making accomodations for the new life. There are medical concerns that must be addressed, regardless of the decision you make. You need her love, knowledge, and wisdom to help you through this. You should not go another minute without letting her know. While she may not respond exactly like my Mother did, i'm sure she loves you no less than my Mother loved me ... and everything she says and does will be with your best interest in mind.

    Yes Sister Foxi, we all make bad decisions, but the key is to try to make all future decisions better. Telling your Mother, facing whatever you must face, is a good decision. You don't need to go through this, for one more moment, without her. Anything can happen and you need that one person there, that loves you more than anyone else in the whole wide world.

    I Love You Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee

    ps ... and my Mother was right there with me, during labor and delivery ... they had me hooked up to monitors measuring the severity of the contractions, i'm screaming, she's watch'n the monitor talk'n 'bout ... "that one shouldn't be hurt'n that bad, it only went to 2" ... lol ... i kooda choked her! :) ... God Bless The Dead.
     
  10. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yous said you needed a hug

    :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

    My heart and love goes out to you so that you can make the desicion that lies inside your heart to make. I have never been in your situation. Butr I can only imagine what you're going thru. Believe me when I say this, you and I have been around so many young teenagers thgat have been pregnant, and let their lives go down the drain. Foxi,............

    BREAK THAT MOLD!


    You are a strong, intelligent young woman. You made a mistake...we all make mistakes, we make mistakes that come out with consequnces. Right now, all you have to do is deal with them and listen to what your mind and heart are telling you. Lok at Destee....Look at Nita. Their lives we're anything BUT stopped by having kids as teenagers. Shoot, my cousin had his baby when she was 18, and she just graduated out of college!!!! Babygirl, all that there is now is that you have to work harder for what you want in life if you decide to keep this child:) I have total faith in you
     
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