Everybody has made a mistake in their life, right? Well, I think I made a big one. I don't know if everyone knows this or not but I a project girl and I'm strictly gangsta. Whether it be in the streetz or at this forum I always speak my mind and say my piece as many of you have witnessed. I hold nothing back. Well, that's why I'm telling you this. I need advice. BAD. Recently, I said that I never gave my virginity away. Well, this was true until about two weeks ago. I gave it away. I told myself that I wouldn't. I even fasted on the subject of men. But I did it. I never knew that the first time could leave you with a baby inside you. I really didn't. Well, it did to me. Life has changed for me so much. I found out last night that I was pregnant. I had took a physical last week to become a cheerleader. Well, that's out the way now. I don't know what I'm going to do. There are so many things going through my mind. I don't want to kills an innocent child but then again I have no other choice. I have school and I want to be something. I have goals. I mean, we are so young. My boyfriend and me. I called him last night and he said he doesn't want me to kill it but I see no other option. He wants to marry me and make a family but I'm just 17 I don't have time for a family. I know he will hold true to his word because he is a drug dealer and goes to school full time but I don't have time for one man. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I heard people like Nita and others say that I was fast and what can I say but I finally agree with them. When we had sex I didn't know it was going to end like this. We were just celebrating his birthday. Now, I'm.....I mean we are stuck with a decision that will decide our life forever. Life will change for the both of us. I said I was so mature but I was just immature like everybody said. I just need a shoulder to cry on before I tell my mama. I'm going to be dead. I talk about kids that get pregnant in my poetry but now I'm apart of that satistic. I just replied to a post her about situations like that and I didn't even follow my own oppinion. [email protected], I just feel so stupid. What happened between yesterday and today that made me so stupid. Right now, I just don't know what I'm going to do. To be honest, I'm on the verge of suicide and happiness because I will be away from it all. I don't want abortion on my head but I can't live with a baby either. This is the best option. I'm just confused. My man wants to be with me. He says he loves me but I don't love him that's why I don't want to marry him. Why get married and you know it's not going to work? Right now, I just wish I could rewind the hands of time. This is crazy. I need a and bad.