Black Poetry : My Pain on Paper...and so it begins...

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Prizefighter16, Oct 9, 2004.

  1. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My Pain on Paper...and so it begins...



    i got so much pain bent up inside me
    i ain't got nothin good to say
    i wish i could hold on to one more dream
    but they all went away

    Got so much hurt in my heart
    i try so hard not to feel
    Can't even turn to God now,
    cause i forgot that he was real

    Can't remember the last time i ain't hear my parents fight
    with so much hate in this house, got me searching for some light
    or some love, that i ain't never seen since i was born
    16 years of bein caught in this, but no one can see that im torn
    can't even rhyme scheme this perfect, seriously, im so angry im sad
    cause the way i live is unlivable
    and the air i breath wreaks of bad self esteem
    too many years spent of tryna look up to my mom and daddy
    the same people that helped to bring me down
    can't remember that last time my dad was here the whole day around
    and my moms looks to me to take his place
    but i seem to always do wrong
    cause im the mistake...

    from the time i could talk ive kept things to myself
    and anytime i wanted to express a part of me
    i feel shut down....
    i been writin for more than 10 years
    and my parents just found out
    cause there's work, and stress, and work
    and mom with her secret male friends
    and dad with his mistress
    they don't know that i know this...
    but i know everything
    and i keep it inside me
    when my mom was pregnant with my brother
    and told me she ain't want me
    and there's so much more...so much more
    that if i don't let go i'll go crazy..
    i've kept everything in my heart
    and still after these years
    it won't let me be
    But i love my mom so much
    and i love my dad
    and i love my family
    but im hatin the kind of relationship we have
    it's like im searching for some kind of reciprocity
    for love that's been shattered while i was on bent knees
    cause that's the kind of boost up i thought i should need
    right now, can't even cry normally
    kinda cry like im dyin
    and my face has grown used to my tears
    that when im cryin don't nothin seem to be there
    but i ain't livin
    especially since ive been selfishly stricken
    with this urge to write the locked up part of me
    i know that others have it much much worse
    like those still in the struggle to be free
    but really i can't notice that
    when it' my issues first that i see
    i could ask you to pray for me
    but i won't
    cause with God and everything
    i don't know what to believe


    by Rashawna Wilson
    aka Prizefighter16
     
  2. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow this was very heartfelt and deep....you laid it out release and the

    healing will begin within the scribe as its already taken place very deep keep

    your head up well written....:grouphug:

    Peace
    Angel
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I feel ya dear heart floating openly this was heavy and deep within
    speaking out
     
  4. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This touching piece is a cry for help.

    Seek help, don't let misery steal your joy. (and by all means keep writing!)
     
  5. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Touching and beautiful release, sweetie. I agree - you gotta keep writing and letting that out. Lemme just tell you one thing: don't ever give up. Keep faith and keep on fighting. It won't always be this way. Much love to you. :hearts2:
     
  6. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh sweetie, as gempis says, it won't always be this way. You poured your heart onto the page, and we feel you. You are blessed to be such a wonderful writer. I'm hoping you have an adult in your life that you can confide in. Keep flowing, we'll keep responding.
     
  7. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i know i can move from this... and that's why i wrote this poem. and this was hard for me. Because i hate sounding pitiful...but i needed someone to hear me shout, so to speak, and that's why i posted it here. its more comfortable displaying it to the world than trying to explain it to my loved ones i figure. this is the first poem that i actually put my problems in detail. ive been so afraid of letting it out at all...so this is the big step. But thanks for the support.
     
  8. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I commend you brave poet for beginning your journey to enlightenment...
    we have to have guts to get out of the rut...is what I always say
    even if...another's actions are the cause of our dismay
    Take heart poet... ~ Real love and normalcy is there...maybe you've been
    chosen to be the one who sets the pace, the standard and leads your loved
    ones from the winds of chaos that surround them...
    Being chosen is not always easy...but when you see things that others should
    so obviously...you are blessed beyond measure
    There is always enlightenment and a higher existence at the end of the struggle...

    These words touched me deeply...hope u didn't mind me expressing my thoughts here...
    But this piece took me back to so many places I've been in past lives...
    it was hard to see then...but I'm glad I experienced the pain...because
    it taught me to appreciate love...when it came and made me the person
    I am today....

    There is healing in the flow...so continue to let it go
    when it comes...Poet
    Peace & Blessings,
    Sage
     
  9. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for the wisdom Sage...it's easier having people tell me i can move on from this than having to take everything alone. And you're not the first person to tell me that I could be the one to help my family, my grandmother has told me that. ive just slipped off, and im tryna get back on track...and i get frustrated because all this pressure is put on me to be the glue that keeps us together. But its why im here. im just buildin my strength
    thanks for readin the poem and respondin..

    Rashawna Wilson
    aka Prizefighter16
     
  10. Poetrymama

    Poetrymama Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    re: Pain

    Prizefighter, place all this pain and turmoil in God's hands.
    You are not suppose to be going through this at such a
    young age. Your parents are suppose to be there for
    your happiness and well being. Pray tonight and the next
    and the next . There is going to be change in your life cause
    God can fix and lift this pain from your heart and your parents
    will change . sometimes we think kids don't understand pain
    and the fights but they do and often times blame themselves
    when it has nothing to do with them. Pray on it in your own way
    and in your own words. He will understand. Remember, God loves
    the Little Children - all of this world that includes you.
    Stay blessed because you truly are.
     
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