Poetry Critiques : My Lover At My Door

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by FattnBeautiful, Dec 6, 2007.

  1. FattnBeautiful

    FattnBeautiful Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I wasn't surprised that night when I heard the knock on my door.

    I knew it was you before I asked who it
    was and the sound of your deep
    smooth voice answered " its me baby."

    I wasn't the slightest surprised when you
    walked through my door kissed me on the
    cheek and walked straight to my room.

    And I walk behind you almost hypnotised by
    the smell of you cologne.
    And its weird because you wear
    that same cologne all the time,
    but its like I smell it for the first time every time your here.

    And I wasn't surprised when you sat
    on the right side of the bed and lit
    the scented candles on the night stand
    and the smell of strawberry's filled the room.

    I'm still standing in the door way
    watching your every move thinking
    how sexy you look in the candle lit room.

    And then you look at me with those light
    brown eyes, full of life and passion
    I am almost taken aback by the intensity of your stare.

    But I'm not surprised by the way you look at me
    for you look at me like that every time your here.

    And slowly you walk towards me, taking my hand
    leading me to the bed and sitting me down
    not taking your eyes off of me. I can't help but to smile.

    Then you run your fingers though my thick
    black hair, kissing me on the lips and like a
    fine wine I become intoxicated by your sweet, passionate kiss
    almost feeling light headed.

    But again I'm not surprised, your kisses are perfection
    and I become lost in them.

    "Lie down" you whisper and I do as you say.
    Your body now pressed against mine
    our clothes find their way to the floor
    and the warmth of your brown skin is on top of mine
    and I can feel your heart beating against my breasts.

    As I explore your body with my finger tips
    I can feel the excitement in your body rise
    and you greedily survey my body with your hands
    making me quiver, Knowing every spot to touch.

    And then like so many night before
    you find your way inside of me
    and when I think its impossible
    the intensity of your eyes magnify by a hundred and
    the rhythm of our bodies make a sound of music only we know how to sing.

    Never do you take those beautiful eyes off of me
    and never do I take mine off of yours.

    And we sing our song to the rhythm of our bodies
    with our moans insinc
    till the instruments of our love are too tired to play.

    And I feel you tremble under my fingers
    and you hear your name pass my lips.
    Then all is still
    There is only the sound of our heavy breathing.

    And finally we close our eyes. ​
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Romanticly enterlace of pure sweet love and grace as night fall
    da sound of two hearts beating this was so beautiful and warm it
    had me all up in it ..........

    Welcome to Destee.com happy to read u and look forward to seeing more of your pen
    romantic side .
     
  3. FattnBeautiful

    FattnBeautiful Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you very much Rich.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Most welcome FattnBeautiful
     
  5. pamela b

    pamela b Member MEMBER

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    Sooooooo romantic. More, More !
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    romantic and descriptive...
    can't touch this one...u have already mastered it...
    very very nice poet...

    one love
    khasm
     
  7. LovesDestiny

    LovesDestiny Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with Bro Khasm...and I have been waiting ever so patiently for Sis Beautifuls return! I might have to hunt her down!

    Excellent piece!
     
  8. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow breathe taking. I don't smoke but I think I need a cigarette!​
     
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