Black Relationships : My letter to black women

Hypersonic

Member
MEMBER
Mar 25, 2018
15
3
First and foremost I love my community!

I love being black. I love my black men and women even when we are wrong.....

What this recent graduation has taught me is that unfortunately in various parts of the United states we are still fragmented. Now just because of location but because of mentality. They say (researchers) there are not enough available black men. Wrong! We are here, but due to the capitalist and the social structures called systemic racism unfortunately a lot of black women have succumb to the mentality that a man that has a certain status means success. Sure, not all black women think this way, but what becomes the forefront of media are the women that do. As a 36 year-old recently master degree recipient black man I sat and reflected all the sisters that have hurt me and a lot of the sisters that would not give me the time of day.

What I want to tell sisters when it comes to relationships is this: You cannot define manhood based on what your dad has done or what you see. Manhood can only be defined by the man who you share your life with just as womanhood. when I was struggling financially not too many sisters gave me the time of day. why is that? I go to college and work and study. While I'm paying rent many sisters are living at home with mommy and daddy. As a brotha I've struggled and struggled and struggled and not too many sisters gave me the time or day. what is sad is that it took a mixed latina to tell me that my own people (not black folks but friend who are black) to tell me that I am too nice to realize that our own people need self-reflection.

I still remember the sisters in college who would not be seen with me despite being a nice black man. I wasn't thug enough or I didn't have a nice car even though they were riding the city bus. I made a promise to my girlfriend that if she becomes pregnant and when we have kids I will break the cycle of fathers teaching their daughters to only marry men with money but mask their desires with independence. For far too long too many sisters think being a part-time student or worker and seeking men who are financially secure is "equally yoked" or being an independent woman. Far too long we tend to use capitalism and systemic racism as a tool to advance. There is a reason why 50% of divorce is initiated by women and that women are unhappy.

My only wish is that we as a black community hold each other accountable and that means sisters need to hold each other accountable just as we men ought to. we should not high five each other once we "bag a rich one" as if there is some success because at the end of the day when we die we need to think about "what the hell was my life about?" I hope one day sisters will start being honest and understand that there are individual black women with too high of standards that diss brothers who are successful. Just because my hair is not lined up today does not mean I'm not worthy for a date just as a sister who buys $500 weaves cannot be seen as high maintenance. we all have vices and desires but what I desire is for sisters to be honest with each other and hopefully break the cycle of ignorance that is perennial among our women.

We do not live in a hunter-gatherer society anymore so it is not a man's job to take care of you. when a man becomes incapacitated do you expect him to take care of you? No. Relationships have fluid roles I our world and we need to get rid of this old Christian conservative value and think it is a man's role to take care of a woman. Partnerships and leadership is fluid. If this philosophy of a man taking over was true we would not be suffering a almost 50% divorce rate today much of that coming from the "Bible Belt." My girlfriend loves the simplest things such as drinking a can of beer and watching T.V. that is what made her happy. Unfortunately the sisters in my past whom I was dating would never have done that because such activity was beneath them.

I find it sad and I hope when some sisters find themselves alone they'll reflect on their mate choices and debate whether or not their expectations of some black men were unrealistic. As this two time master degree recipient who is now going to get a six figure job, see and saw that tom some black women I was never good enough.
 

jamesfrmphilly

going above and beyond
PREMIUM MEMBER
Jun 18, 2004
37,048
12,147
north philly ghetto
Occupation
retired computer geek
First and foremost I love my community!

I love being black. I love my black men and women even when we are wrong.....

What this recent graduation has taught me is that unfortunately in various parts of the United states we are still fragmented. Now just because of location but because of mentality. They say (researchers) there are not enough available black men. Wrong! We are here, but due to the capitalist and the social structures called systemic racism unfortunately a lot of black women have succumb to the mentality that a man that has a certain status means success. Sure, not all black women think this way, but what becomes the forefront of media are the women that do. As a 36 year-old recently master degree recipient black man I sat and reflected all the sisters that have hurt me and a lot of the sisters that would not give me the time of day.

What I want to tell sisters when it comes to relationships is this: You cannot define manhood based on what your dad has done or what you see. Manhood can only be defined by the man who you share your life with just as womanhood. when I was struggling financially not too many sisters gave me the time of day. why is that? I go to college and work and study. While I'm paying rent many sisters are living at home with mommy and daddy. As a brotha I've struggled and struggled and struggled and not too many sisters gave me the time or day. what is sad is that it took a mixed latina to tell me that my own people (not black folks but friend who are black) to tell me that I am too nice to realize that our own people need self-reflection.

I still remember the sisters in college who would not be seen with me despite being a nice black man. I wasn't thug enough or I didn't have a nice car even though they were riding the city bus. I made a promise to my girlfriend that if she becomes pregnant and when we have kids I will break the cycle of fathers teaching their daughters to only marry men with money but mask their desires with independence. For far too long too many sisters think being a part-time student or worker and seeking men who are financially secure is "equally yoked" or being an independent woman. Far too long we tend to use capitalism and systemic racism as a tool to advance. There is a reason why 50% of divorce is initiated by women and that women are unhappy.

My only wish is that we as a black community hold each other accountable and that means sisters need to hold each other accountable just as we men ought to. we should not high five each other once we "bag a rich one" as if there is some success because at the end of the day when we die we need to think about "what the hell was my life about?" I hope one day sisters will start being honest and understand that there are individual black women with too high of standards that diss brothers who are successful. Just because my hair is not lined up today does not mean I'm not worthy for a date just as a sister who buys $500 weaves cannot be seen as high maintenance. we all have vices and desires but what I desire is for sisters to be honest with each other and hopefully break the cycle of ignorance that is perennial among our women.

We do not live in a hunter-gatherer society anymore so it is not a man's job to take care of you. when a man becomes incapacitated do you expect him to take care of you? No. Relationships have fluid roles I our world and we need to get rid of this old Christian conservative value and think it is a man's role to take care of a woman. Partnerships and leadership is fluid. If this philosophy of a man taking over was true we would not be suffering a almost 50% divorce rate today much of that coming from the "Bible Belt." My girlfriend loves the simplest things such as drinking a can of beer and watching T.V. that is what made her happy. Unfortunately the sisters in my past whom I was dating would never have done that because such activity was beneath them.

I find it sad and I hope when some sisters find themselves alone they'll reflect on their mate choices and debate whether or not their expectations of some black men were unrealistic. As this two time master degree recipient who is now going to get a six figure job, see and saw that tom some black women I was never good enough.
:10500:why u illin bro ????
 

Symbol of America

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Oct 1, 2017
2,696
604
East America
Occupation
RET: EMS & TPD
First and foremost I love my community!

I love being black. I love my black men and women even when we are wrong.....

What this recent graduation has taught me is that unfortunately in various parts of the United states we are still fragmented. Now just because of location but because of mentality. They say (researchers) there are not enough available black men. Wrong! We are here, but due to the capitalist and the social structures called systemic racism unfortunately a lot of black women have succumb to the mentality that a man that has a certain status means success. Sure, not all black women think this way, but what becomes the forefront of media are the women that do. As a 36 year-old recently master degree recipient black man I sat and reflected all the sisters that have hurt me and a lot of the sisters that would not give me the time of day.

What I want to tell sisters when it comes to relationships is this: You cannot define manhood based on what your dad has done or what you see. Manhood can only be defined by the man who you share your life with just as womanhood. when I was struggling financially not too many sisters gave me the time of day. why is that? I go to college and work and study. While I'm paying rent many sisters are living at home with mommy and daddy. As a brotha I've struggled and struggled and struggled and not too many sisters gave me the time or day. what is sad is that it took a mixed latina to tell me that my own people (not black folks but friend who are black) to tell me that I am too nice to realize that our own people need self-reflection.

I still remember the sisters in college who would not be seen with me despite being a nice black man. I wasn't thug enough or I didn't have a nice car even though they were riding the city bus. I made a promise to my girlfriend that if she becomes pregnant and when we have kids I will break the cycle of fathers teaching their daughters to only marry men with money but mask their desires with independence. For far too long too many sisters think being a part-time student or worker and seeking men who are financially secure is "equally yoked" or being an independent woman. Far too long we tend to use capitalism and systemic racism as a tool to advance. There is a reason why 50% of divorce is initiated by women and that women are unhappy.

My only wish is that we as a black community hold each other accountable and that means sisters need to hold each other accountable just as we men ought to. we should not high five each other once we "bag a rich one" as if there is some success because at the end of the day when we die we need to think about "what the hell was my life about?" I hope one day sisters will start being honest and understand that there are individual black women with too high of standards that diss brothers who are successful. Just because my hair is not lined up today does not mean I'm not worthy for a date just as a sister who buys $500 weaves cannot be seen as high maintenance. we all have vices and desires but what I desire is for sisters to be honest with each other and hopefully break the cycle of ignorance that is perennial among our women.

We do not live in a hunter-gatherer society anymore so it is not a man's job to take care of you. when a man becomes incapacitated do you expect him to take care of you? No. Relationships have fluid roles I our world and we need to get rid of this old Christian conservative value and think it is a man's role to take care of a woman. Partnerships and leadership is fluid. If this philosophy of a man taking over was true we would not be suffering a almost 50% divorce rate today much of that coming from the "Bible Belt." My girlfriend loves the simplest things such as drinking a can of beer and watching T.V. that is what made her happy. Unfortunately the sisters in my past whom I was dating would never have done that because such activity was beneath them.

I find it sad and I hope when some sisters find themselves alone they'll reflect on their mate choices and debate whether or not their expectations of some black men were unrealistic. As this two time master degree recipient who is now going to get a six figure job, see and saw that tom some black women I was never good enough.
I had to get that off my chest bro...For real

I feel your pain. You now have a good woman in your life, focus on her and cast off the negativity that you no longer have to endure. Thanks for sharing, it keeps our lives in perspective.
 

dunwiddat

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Sep 17, 2012
2,477
1,497
First and foremost I love my community!

I love being black. I love my black men and women even when we are wrong.....

What this recent graduation has taught me is that unfortunately in various parts of the United states we are still fragmented. Now just because of location but because of mentality. They say (researchers) there are not enough available black men. Wrong! We are here, but due to the capitalist and the social structures called systemic racism unfortunately a lot of black women have succumb to the mentality that a man that has a certain status means success. Sure, not all black women think this way, but what becomes the forefront of media are the women that do. As a 36 year-old recently master degree recipient black man I sat and reflected all the sisters that have hurt me and a lot of the sisters that would not give me the time of day.

What I want to tell sisters when it comes to relationships is this: You cannot define manhood based on what your dad has done or what you see. Manhood can only be defined by the man who you share your life with just as womanhood. when I was struggling financially not too many sisters gave me the time of day. why is that? I go to college and work and study. While I'm paying rent many sisters are living at home with mommy and daddy. As a brotha I've struggled and struggled and struggled and not too many sisters gave me the time or day. what is sad is that it took a mixed latina to tell me that my own people (not black folks but friend who are black) to tell me that I am too nice to realize that our own people need self-reflection.

I still remember the sisters in college who would not be seen with me despite being a nice black man. I wasn't thug enough or I didn't have a nice car even though they were riding the city bus. I made a promise to my girlfriend that if she becomes pregnant and when we have kids I will break the cycle of fathers teaching their daughters to only marry men with money but mask their desires with independence. For far too long too many sisters think being a part-time student or worker and seeking men who are financially secure is "equally yoked" or being an independent woman. Far too long we tend to use capitalism and systemic racism as a tool to advance. There is a reason why 50% of divorce is initiated by women and that women are unhappy.

My only wish is that we as a black community hold each other accountable and that means sisters need to hold each other accountable just as we men ought to. we should not high five each other once we "bag a rich one" as if there is some success because at the end of the day when we die we need to think about "what the hell was my life about?" I hope one day sisters will start being honest and understand that there are individual black women with too high of standards that diss brothers who are successful. Just because my hair is not lined up today does not mean I'm not worthy for a date just as a sister who buys $500 weaves cannot be seen as high maintenance. we all have vices and desires but what I desire is for sisters to be honest with each other and hopefully break the cycle of ignorance that is perennial among our women.

We do not live in a hunter-gatherer society anymore so it is not a man's job to take care of you. when a man becomes incapacitated do you expect him to take care of you? No. Relationships have fluid roles I our world and we need to get rid of this old Christian conservative value and think it is a man's role to take care of a woman. Partnerships and leadership is fluid. If this philosophy of a man taking over was true we would not be suffering a almost 50% divorce rate today much of that coming from the "Bible Belt." My girlfriend loves the simplest things such as drinking a can of beer and watching T.V. that is what made her happy. Unfortunately the sisters in my past whom I was dating would never have done that because such activity was beneath them.

I find it sad and I hope when some sisters find themselves alone they'll reflect on their mate choices and debate whether or not their expectations of some black men were unrealistic. As this two time master degree recipient who is now going to get a six figure job, see and saw that tom some black women I was never good enough.
Thanks words of wisdom.
 

Consciousness Raising Online!

Allow the N Word - yes or no?

  • yes

    Votes: 2 14.3%
  • no

    Votes: 6 42.9%
  • not sure

    Votes: 6 42.9%

Latest profile posts

Feeling good today fam...just been reading a couple of books. I think Dennis Kimbro's "Daily Motivations for African American Success" is one of the best motivational books on the market. This book has motivation for each day of the year on each page and all of these relate to your own Blackness. No matter what you're experiencing there's something in that book you could draw from. ✊
Life is a poem, love is the pen.
Charles Thompson wrote on Enki's profile.
Good evening
Destee wrote on Angela22's profile.
Hi Sweetie Pie Honey Bunch!!!! ... :dance4: ... Welcome Home! So good to have your sweet Spirit in the house! ... YAAAAAAY USSSSS! ... :yaay: :yaay: :swings: ... :heart:
Angela22 wrote on Enki's profile.
I hope all is well with you. Much love.:love:
Top