Black Short Stories : My Final Goodbye

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by sarcasm4eva, Jan 5, 2004.

  1. sarcasm4eva

    sarcasm4eva Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this is my 1st attempt at writing a short story, so tell me what y'all think, i need an ending.here goes.

    (imagine its pourin rain, a conversation b/t me n a friend)

    "so tell me how u feel." he's just lookin at me like he dont know what 2 say. then i start 2 get upset n really mad, n curse him out "u know every **** feelin i have 4 u, but u cant tell me ****. why is it so f^%&in hard 4 u 2 tell me how u feel?"

    "Come on, tell me everythin about how u felt from the 1st day u met me!!!!!"
    he still hasnt said nothin and i start 2 lose control.....
    i say while im cryin/yellin at the top of my lungs "this is it, this is my final good bye.......speak now or foreva hold ur sorrow!!" and im lookin at him, tears rollin down my face.....

    he's givin me this look like one of Brandy's songs " I dont know what 2 say and i dont where 2 start". i walk away highly upset, i slowly begin to lose it. i feel him starin at me while i walk away cryin.

    somehow i tap into his thoughts........
    he's thinkin "****, how could i do that 2 her, i know she really loves me, but i cant bring myself 2 say it........that i wanted to get w/her since day 1, and i wished she never messed w/ all them other guys... i was supposed 2 b the 1 lovin her n givin her pleasure at night."

    i blew him a kiss and walked away.....
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    o'yes i love this short one
    i love to read more please
    next
     
  3. Sweet baby_face

    Sweet baby_face Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I lies this. I feel u on this because I can relate to this.
     
  4. Compassion

    Compassion Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good read, as much I'd like not to feel this I do- neither side wants to be one of many- I dig this hard! I hope more is to come.


     
  5. eternal

    eternal Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Tight read sis, keep it uup.
     
  6. sarcasm4eva

    sarcasm4eva Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sorry guys, i had to bring this back. i forgot i even wrote it.lol :)
     
  7. lil'MizzUnique

    lil'MizzUnique Active Member MEMBER

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    I'm feelin it. Waiting for more
     
  8. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    you need to finish this piece....
    it has an interesting start...
    one love
    khasm
     
  9. sarcasm4eva

    sarcasm4eva Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My Final Goodbye(more)

    this is my 1st attempt at writing a short story, so tell me what y'all think, i need an ending.here goes.

    (imagine its pourin rain, a conversation b/t me n a friend)

    "so tell me how u feel." he's just lookin at me like he dont know what 2 say. then i start 2 get upset n really mad, n curse him out "u know every **** feelin i have 4 u, but u cant tell me ****. why is it so f^%&in hard 4 u 2 tell me how u feel?"

    "Come on, tell me everythin about how u felt from the 1st day u met me!!!!!"
    he still hasnt said nothin and i start 2 lose control.....
    i say while im cryin/yellin at the top of my lungs "this is it, this is my final good bye.......speak now or foreva hold ur sorrow!!" and im lookin at him, tears rollin down my face.....

    he's givin me this look like one of Brandy's songs " I dont know what 2 say and i dont where 2 start". i walk away highly upset, i slowly begin to lose it. i feel him starin at me while i walk away cryin.

    somehow i tap into his thoughts........
    he's thinkin "****, how could i do that 2 her, i know she really loves me, but i cant bring myself 2 say it........that i wanted to get w/her since day 1, and i wished she never messed w/ all them other guys... i was supposed 2 b the 1 lovin her n givin her pleasure at night."

    i blew him a kiss and walked away.....

    **** Reese, why r u being such a punk? Go get her, u know ur the reason why she’s hurting and her heart is broken. Look how slow she’s walking; she wants to be chased after. **** it, how many times do I have to tell u that this is who your heart loves? Stop wreaking all this blasted havoc, its really unnecessary. That was Reese’s better ½ talking, the ½ that he never listened to…also known as his ego. Why he never listened, we’ll never know.
    His pride got the best of him and let the only love of his life slip away. She was the star to his moon, his other ½. Reese sabotaged it all because he wasn’t ready to let someone in completely. Obviously someone else was in control of his body. This was the most asinine reason, if there ever was one. What kind of idiot would do that? But true enough, Reese emulated these same actions.


    Was Reese to young emotionally to know what he had? Or was he a complete imbecile who never deserves a 2nd chance at finding his true other ½?


    TBC

    Copyright 2004
     
  10. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    dang, this was tyte. It was so real to life. Everything in it describes how a man reacts whenyou ask him if he loves you or not. i can truly relate. But at my age don't none of us know what love is anyway. But you know what I'm sayin', I like this joint. Keep the short stories comin'.
     
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