Poetry Critiques : My Center

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by flo-real, Mar 8, 2005.

  1. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    MY CENTER…
    IF I WAS A GENIUS I COULD NOT INVENT HIM…
    HE IS THE KING OF MY CASTLE…
    THE FRINGE ON MY TASSEL…
    THE MEANS BY WHICH I NAVIGATE LIFE’S HASSLE…
    HOLD ME DOWN PA…
    EVEN WHEN I DON’T HEAR THE SOUND PA…
    OF THE WISDOM YOU TRY TO LAY DOWN PA…
    I LOVE YOU AS THE LIFE THAT YOU BREED…
    THE BREATH OF FRESH AIR THAT I NEED

    MY CENTER…
    THOUGHT I WAS ALIVE BEFORE I MET HIM…
    BUT HAD NOT BEEN BORN YET THEN GOD SENT HIM…
    FLOATING IN THE PLACENTA OF WHAT WAS THE BIRTH OF MY EVOLUTION…
    EVEN THOUGHT I UNDERSTOOD REVOLUTION…
    TILL I FOUND WHAT I LIVE FOR…
    IF ONLY I COULD GIVE MORE…
    THEN IT WOULD MATCH WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME

    MY CENTER…
    YOU GIVE ME BALANCE WHEN I AM OFF…
    YOU TAKE CARE OF ME WHEN YOU HEAR A COUGH…
    YOU GET ME TO DIG MYSELF I’M WRONG…
    I YEARN TO HEAR YOUR SONG…
    AS YOU ARE THE ANGEL WITH THE GUIDING LIGHT…
    YOU THROW IN A LITTLE PASSION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT…
    AND YOU’RE RIGHT THERE WITH ME IN THE HEAT OF THE FIGHT

    MY CENTER…
    THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I CANT SEE IT…
    WHEN IT IS MY TURN FOR THE DIFFERENCE YOU ENCOURAGE ME TO BE IT…
    WHEN TROUBLE COMES UP TO LIVE FOR US WE FLEE IT…
    WHEN I GET HOME UPSET MY TEMPER YOU HELP ME EASE IT…
    YOU SEE IT…
    WEAK MINDS DISAGREE IT…
    WHEN IT COMES TO BEING WITH THEY CANT BELIEVE IT…

    MY CENTER…
    WHEN I NEED TO GET IT OFF MY MIND YOU’RE THE VENTER…
    WHEN I WISH TO FEEL HEAT YOU ENTER…
    DID I SAY I LOVE YOU…
    DID I PLACE ANYONE ABOVE YOU…
    IF DOVING WAS STRONG EXPRESSION I DOVE YOU…
    ANYONE TRY TO TAKE YOU AWAY, IF YOU WANT TO GO I LET YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

    MY CENTER…
    YOU ARE THE LEFT WHEN I’M RIGHT…
    YOU FEEL MY BODY IF IT’S LOOSE OR TIGHT…
    IF I HAVE TO CRY FOR WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU, YOUR RIGHT…
    YOUR FRUIT IS BOUNTIFUL I CAN ONLY BITE…
    YOU ARE THE SCIENCE OF MY CURRICULUM…
    YOU ARE THE PIT UNDER MY PENDULUM…
    AND IF PEANUT BUTTER NEEDS JELLY ON THE BREAD…
    I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE THAT’S ONE FOR THE HEAD

    MY CENTER…
    I LOVE AND NEED YOU …
    IF I COULD GET MORE OF YOU THEN I GREED YOU…
    IF I COULD PLANT MYSELF IN YOU THEN I SEED YOU…
    SONS AND DAUGHTERS ARE WHAT WE CAN HAVE…
    AND I’M GLAD THAT I HAD THE CHANCE TO GET WITH YOU AND BE BAD…
    AND YOU KNOW WHAT …
    IF SOMEONE MAKES YOU UNHAPPY IT MAKES ME MAD…

    MY CENTER…
     
  2. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    At My Core... (I dig your poem)

    At my core…

    If I were a genius I could not reinvent HIM
    HE is the king of my castle don't you know
    The fringe of my tassel ~
    The means by which I navigate

    HOLD ME DOWN PA…

    Even when I don't hear a sound from YOU
    Of the wisdom that YOU lay down
    I love the ground YOU walk on
    The air that YOU breathe
    The things up YOUR sleeve

    At my core…
    I wasn't alive before meeting HIM
    Yet to be born
    Floating in the placenta of what was to be
    My evolution understood revolution
    What HE's meant to me

    At my core…
    YOU are my equilibrium gong
    Checking me when I am wrong
    I learned to yearn to hear YOUR song
    YOU being my angel with a guiding light
    My passion in the middle of the night
    And right in the heat of the fight!

    At my core…
    I love me some YOU
    My right hand man
    My jelly and jam
    My BABY grand

    Yes, at my core...

    I adore YOU
     
  3. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. :ilu:
     
  4. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't even critque this. It's too hot to be touched. Seriously,. I am feeling this poem.
     
  5. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    Flo- Real

    thank you so much for the luv!!
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    word...welcome to the critique forum flo-real...
    i see you came over here with both guns blastin....good ish
    this poem was a great example of balancing forces in our life
    i started off thinking you were talking about concept
    then as i got further into the poem...i started thinking that
    you were talking about a person...either way
    the concept was digested and it tasted pretty dern good...lol
    keep dropin them poet...

    one love
    khasm
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    very nice mindful trip
     
  8. dymondtanae

    dymondtanae Member MEMBER

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    :hot:
    that's all that needs to be sad
     
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