Black Relationships : Multiple Questions Comes to Mind that calls for suggestions

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by intolerant, Aug 29, 2011.

  1. intolerant

    intolerant Active Member MEMBER

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    Hi everyone

    me and my boyfriend been together for a while and every since we watched a certain movie, he basically has been paranoid and drawing really negative conclusions about me, and it got to the point where he had to go to a psychiatric ward, but he still believes whatever delusions that he has concocted about me, yet he tells his family how great of a woman I am and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have told him on several occasions that if he has such a problem with me and really believes what he believes about me then a) we shouldn't be together and b) he needs to tell his family not only the good things but also the negative things he is so sure about (even though it isn't true) and he never responds to that. He claims he wants a fresh start but as bad as I want that, it's hard for me to do that when he walks around believing negative things about me that isnt true.

    My questions are:
    1) Should I stick it out and give us a fresh start and forget about waiting around until he no longer believes the negative accusations he has placed upon me
    2) Why is it that he talks down to me and strongly believes these negative things about me but yet he doesn't call off the relationship, or tell his family how the negative things he feels about me

    Thanks
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Um, what are these negative things that he thinks about you? Like you're cheating?
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    get a new boyfriend…….
     
  4. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    I don't usually give relationship opinions, but seeing that he has spent some time in the psychiatric ward because of whatever he has made up in his mind about you should have been all the answer you needed.

    The only time i have heard of a brother going to 'the ward' was when someone i knew went to the hospital to see his baby mother, who had just given birth to a baby girl and when he walked in there was another guy in the room so he flipped out and they ended up taking him to the 3rd floor (psych unit) to calm him down because he went absolutely crazy because he had been taking care of her her whole pregnancy.

    With that said, it doesn't sound like you're with a stable individual. He sounds like an old friend of mine who used to try and beat his wife down mentally by telling her all of this negative stuff about herself to control her mind and make her think nobody else wanted her. She would call me to talk about it to the point she would start talking crazy fast because she was having a nervous breakdown.

    Don't want that to happen to you........
     
  5. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sane...crazy...
    Meh.
    The 'truly crazy' people are usually just a danger to themselves. It's the 'sane' that you have to worry about. Who else commits the bulk of the crime?
    I always knew what to expect at the State hospital. *laugh*
    Any hlth care professional in here? Ever worked the ER on a Friday night? I'm looking out, like, "Is it a full moon, tonight...WTF?"
    There's a reason why there's a security kiosk with armed guards by the admit desk.
    *laugh*
    To protect the doc and nursing staff from the 'sane' people....

    ******
    At OP:

    Psych admittance. Delusions. Paranoid...and appears to be 'splitting'.
    Interesting.
    Did he admit himself?

    - What was his diagnosis?
    - Is he being treated?

    You don't have to bear all on here, but, it's important that you know these things.
    If you want to stay with him then he needs to seek help. Meds or psychotherapy.
    - Educate yourself on the illness.
    - Establish boundaries and limits.
    - Allow him to take control of his health.
    - Take care of yourself. Codependancy is not a virtue.

    People do fall off the wagon. They get frustrated and tired of it all. Treatment can be a long process. BUT...if he doesn't try to help himself (at all) or denies the problem entirely?
    You must do what you must.
    If that entails leaving? Then, it just does.

    My man has hypertension Stage 2...despite running 3x week and eating my HEALTHY/NUTRITIOUS meals. *laugh* It's the long 10-13 hour day/6-7 day a week career. Also, his familial obligations. He has to support his mother...because his ex-con younger brothers are bottom-feeding losers. I respect his family to his face...but, online? I'm letting it all hang out. *laugh*

    His livelihood is based on his performance. He's very good at selling...but, it's quite stressful for him at times. He's in banking.
    When he's feeling low...he just works harder. Longer. He becomes short-tempered. Irritable and snippy. An insomniac. He also does not eat as well. He looks 'empty'. He will self-medicate by drinking and he isn't much of a drinker, normally.
    Honestly, I'm the lush. *laugh*
    Once, before we moved together, I woke up in the dead of night. He wasn't beside me. Went downstairs and saw him outside through the door windows. In his workclothes. Lying on a chair. Passed out...IN the pool.
    Now, what if he'd fallen in? I'm 5'3...he's 6'2 (and 200+ lbs of dead weight). But, I got him out and half dragged/half pushed/half shimmied/half-fished him and that thing out of there. Put a tear in the chair...but, they're only $20-50. No biggie. Pulled his clothes off, wiped him down, covered him w/blankets and let him sleep it off outside.
    The next day, we had a 'talk'. Waved me off the first time...but, eventually I got him to talk it out with me. Apparently, he'd driven home from work...drunk. Then proceeded to get drunk-er when he hit the house.

    These are manifestations of Depression.
    He was just 'functional'.
    So, I keep an eye on him...because, at his pace, burnout is a possibility. I can usually get him to slow down. I've had to ride his butt a little to get him to go to the doctor. It's the only time that I turn into 'one of those' women and I hate it, but, hell...it's important. If I didn't nag him to go the dr? He wouldn't go. If I gently asked? He'd put it off and reschedule way into another year. He's only worried about his health when it negatively affects his appearance.
    I do what I must.
    If he ever did reach the point where he wasn't 'functional'? Leaving him, wouldn't be an option. It's not all sunshine and roses...all the time. You can't bail when people are less than perfect.

    Point is, many suffer with mental illnesses. Many people have been in position with an impaired loved one.
    You're not alone.
    ...and y'know? Even if you can't deal with the situation. You're no better or worse for it.
    This is also fine...
     
  6. intolerant

    intolerant Active Member MEMBER

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    cheating was one of the many things he accused me of and it doesn't make any sense because we was practically around each other 24/7
     
  7. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    Sounds like he's projecting on to you what he's guilty of....which is why he makes you seem like a great woman in front of his family because he wants them to see you as an extension of himself! For surely he couldn't be with someone so bad as he makes you out to seem in private.....know what i mean!
     
  8. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    this story doesn't make sense to me....

    one love
    khasm
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    um, get a new boyfriend…….
     
  10. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm with james...
     
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