Black Poetry : Morning After pt2

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Euphoria, Apr 25, 2002.

  1. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey everyone, this is the second pt of Morning After, so it may not make as much sense if you haven't read the first one so here's the link: http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7751
    Um, the style is different, and I don't think I like this piece very much. Nor do I think that I conveyed all I wanted to... so there may be a re-write yet. Hope it all makes sense.


    MORNING AFTER PT2

    "Hey, how you been? I've been looking out for you,"
    I noticed you the moment when in the club you flew,
    “I wanna talk, can we dance later on?”
    I watch as you moved to the flow of the song,
    “Sure come and find me, oh you look really good.”
    You grab my arse and smile like only you would,
    “Ok, I will. I’ve gotta go to the bar,”
    I smile as I remember that night in the car,
    It’s a few tracks later when you grab my hand,
    You wink and make me smile like only you can,
    “I have to go a while, gotta take a walk,”
    I smile as I listen to the sweet words that you talk,
    It was an hour or so later, when I saw you from behind,
    I nearly walked over, at first I didn’t realise,
    That you were leaning over to kiss a girl with blonde hair,
    How could I have been so blind to see you didn’t care?
    After we left the club to meet at a friend’s place,
    What do I see but smirking Ben’s face?
    “Hey Ben pull up your pants, we don’t wanna see your arse,”
    “Emma what’s the problem? We know you’ve seen worse.”
    You act so cool and uncaring and then I remember how,
    You are just your average, typical, arsehole male.

    26/4/02
    *Emma*
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    ****!!!!!! I tell u ........sometime da foolish one sho out...
    i've seen this from both sides of da coin......nice flow poet!!!
     
  3. eternal

    eternal Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well done....why dey gotta be so foolish???
    Eternal
     
  4. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Rich - thank you for your comments as always, glad you can relate.

    Eternal - thank you. I guess that's what seperates the boys from da girls.
     
  5. msluciousb

    msluciousb Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What a pity and a shame!

    I think the poem is just fine and it conveys some sentiments of mine. But if re-write you must then , I trust that you will find the right formula. I like your style!!!!!! And by the way anyone named
    Emma is "all good" that's my Mom's name!
    So work them scribes girl til you fine tune it to your own satisfaction. Part one was:hot:
    BLESSINGS ON YA HOUSE!
     
  6. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks heaps msluciousb. Did you know that Emma means "Universe"? Cool huh? I still haven't got that rewrite done yet.....

    *Emma*
     
  7. eternal

    eternal Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No rewrite needed for this one Emma!!! Leave very well done alone.
    Eternal:toast:
     
  8. Euphoria

    Euphoria Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks eternal :)
     
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