Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Kemetstry, Dec 5, 2007.
What is the root causes of this malady? How does it effect our families and children?
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT A OPRAH FAN, BUT SHE HAD A SHOW ABOUT THIS YEARS AGO.
WHAT CAME OUT IS IF THERE ARE NO MEN IN A BOYS LIFE, ALOT END UP HATING WOMEN.
THEY HAVE MOTHERS YELLING AT THEM, TELL THEM THEY ARE NO GOOD LIKE DADDY
THEY HAVE TEACHERS (NORMALLY FEMALE) BASICALLY TELLING THEM THEY AINT WORTH A ****.
THESE BOYS GROW UP ANGRY, AND ONCE THEY HAVE THE SIZE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, THEY USUALLY LASH OUT TOWARDS SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T MAKE THEM THAT WAY.
I think we know the causes are diverse and complex - but check out this post by FaithSoulSistah - here are some people doing something about it!
Yet there are not enough big brother type programs to go around. How do we deal with this on the front end?
Kemetstry ... i don't think there is a greatness of hatred toward males and females in our communities, by the children. I don't think it's that simple, to go from being abandoned by one's parent (Mother or Father), to i hate men and women. That's a big jump. I believe a lot of other things happen in the process, and what ultimately manifests itself, is something that looks like hate toward men and women, but is really pain and the child or young adult is crying out for help.
I believe we've touched on this topic before Kemetstry, and i don't understand your (or anyone's) suggestion ... that young Black Men hate Black Women, because their Father abandoned them. That just doesn't make sense. It's not logical. Why would the child hate the parent that stays and loves them, instead of hating the one that left them? I'm not buying that.
You say there is not enough Big Brother type programs, and ask what can be done about this on the front end.
If what you say is true, and much of this is rooted in Black Fathers leaving their children, then the logical corrective measure would be to get Black Fathers to remain with their children, in their lives, parenting and loving them. Anything less than that, is a bandaid.
I believe it's going to take Black Men addressing this issue with other Black Men. Actually fixing the root of the problem. Black Men get very defensive when Black Women say the same. Black Women can't do it. Black Women can't fix it. It must be addressed and corrected by Black Men with Black Men.
It's good to read you admitting that Black Men leaving their children, is devastating to the child.
This is the problem, the front end of it, and is what needs correcting.
Unfortunately, what usually happens in these discussions, is the fault is ultimately laid at the feet of Black Women, even though they are oftentimes the ones that remain in the child's life, alone, to raise them. Let's see if that happens this time.
For the most part, I agree with many of those assertions. I was considering starting a poll after my interactions with the "tiredblackmen" cause I wondered how many of them grew up in single parent female headed households. I sense in large part, they ARE angry with the "female" who was forced onto the role of sole authority figure and did not 'allow" him to be "the man".
You took it straight to the heart of the matter!..
Black Men...Man up when it comes to raising male children..yet..not just male children, cause we do not the impact on a female child growing up fatherless...she, as an adult, may begin to question ALL BLACK MEN and see them as unrealiable, she may begin to sense that she is not worthy of the protect and care of a man...cause afterall...daddy didn't want her, why would any other man. Not to mention trying to interact with a man without the guidance of a male figure (positive) in her life.
On the Contrary
It seems that children grow into this as adults. When this generation goes up against what they perceive as the machine. Their perception will be that women are running it. Because, in their formative years, that all they saw. Just as that was all children saw running things in the 60s
Actually, I should have put that in quotes. It's from another article. Hate is a very strong word. There tends to be an over compensation by males once hormones and peer pressure kicks in. Females, though in a different way, have the same thing. We typically refer to this as a rebellious stage. As an adult, it will/has become something else.
As far as big brother programs. I consider it on the same level as big sister/adoptions. People generally want their own. There arent enough to go around.
The best way to solve this problem on the front end, is to pick better mates. It's the adults that have created this mess. Females have to admit certain things about themselves and their choices. Males will have to admit things as well. Moreover, lobbying must be done to change a system that makes it difficult for fathers to participate.
But since you have brought this issue up There is a dynamic that must be discussed head on!
So lets go there. Destee, it's soley yooooooour fault!!! As a female leader famous in the media, you could have changed all of this. You and Oprah
But seriously. Lets explode a myth right now. NO male, who is in what he considers a casual affair, will care about the female he is in said affair with, nor anything he has left behind. Even if the male pays gobs of child support, you still have a fatherless home! One can not buy a surrogate for the son or daughter. Until, the female accepts this and deals with the inevitable consequences and change in behavior, nothing on this level will change. Because, the male response has been documented for over 30 years. So going down that road is NOT a solution. :flamet: Like it or not!
There are too many children in this situation for it to be classified as a BM problem. One would have to be delusional to go there. Moreover, the numbers indicates that many sisters dont even want a decent guy around. They seem to want someone that doesnt qualify as a man. Could it be that they do this because then they arent to be what qualifies as a woman? :bowl:
Maybe they do so because THEY HAVE HAD NO OTHER ROLE MODEL FOR WHICH TO COMPARE TO?
just call me delusional, i've already admitted it to myself.
How is she to KNOW what "qualifies" as a "man" when there have been none in the home?
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