Black Relationships : Mind Your Own Business?

Destee wrote: Also, as my friend's friend, why would i want to be the bearer of such bad news? Why would i want to hurt them this way?

My very best friend would be hurt if I didn't tell her, she would feel that I knew information that allowed her to be made a fool of. We eat lunch together each day and most of that lunch hour she is talking about her man. I could not sit in her face everyday knowing he is cheating while she is going on about how wonderful he is. If she found out I knew and didn't tell her, she then starts to question my friendship. Plus she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't like being around people she can't trust like family.

I know at times it's a double edge sword, but actually she and I have had a "what if " conversation early on in our friendship and both have a clear understanding that we'd both want to know and not be left in the dark.

Plus, I wouldn't be the one to hurt her, he would. I've always been there for her be it good times or bad, so I guess I'd be the one wiping her tears away.

Bottom line is I have to put myself in her shoes and ask would I want to know? Would I be angry with my friend for NOT telling me what she knew and save me further heartache? What if she knew the other woman was skank and out there? Would I feel guilty knowing my best friend tells me she is not using protection with her man because they aren't seeing other people? Sorry, I could not let my friend go out like that.
 
Sister CarrieMonet ... i understand, and recognize that there are probably not 2 friendships exactly alike. I don't mean to suggest that you should not do what you feel is best, and what your friend would want you to do.

I just find it difficult to believe that a person can be in an intimate relationship with someone and not know that they aren't receiving what they expect or require ... and if they don't know ... hmmmm ... perhaps that is a clue that it isn't important that they know. I don't know.

At any rate, i'd not get involved, at least i never have.

However close me and my friend may be, i must recognize that there are levels of "closeness" that we do not share, that she does share with him ... and i'm gonna respect that.

Personally, i'd not want anyone to tell me anything about me and my man. It's not their responsibility to do that. It's his, it's mine. I don't think it says much about my relationship with my man, if someone can come to me with anything about him, and i act on that ... and likewise, i'd hope he'd give me the same consideration. If he's "doing me" them i'm just gett'n done, and well, it beez that way sum times.

In most cases, a host of friends can't keep you from experiencing "life." What they gonna do, stand guard over your life to keep you from feeling any pain? I guess they could, but they bett not ever blink ... or you better be able to know what's going on in your own life, without others reporting it to you.

Whichever works, it's kewl wit me.

:heart:

Destee
 
perfect people always expose and tell on imperfect people

The only thing that bother’s me about the Q&A of this thread is that it is padded with the right language…Quote: CarrieMonet, ”I'm speaking of an OBVIOUS encounter...deep kissing or feeling one another up” and the answers are padded with the right response of defending their friend from “STD’s and HIV”. Now, I’m not saying these are unrealistic scenarios or responses, but I think it is not dealing with the core values of telling a friend about their mate’s other lover.

First of all, rarely will you find somebody who is fooling around displaying “deep kissing and the sexual groping”, of their secret love interest in a public arena.

Secondly, I think it’s sort of disingenuous for a person who feels they must report infidelity, to use the medical approach to honor their decision. Most times, the evidence of “fooling around” is superficial and probably improvable, but enough to notify your friend of your suspicions and with this being usually the case, …I think telling may be more destructive sometimes, than not telling.

Man, if I knew all of the mistakes my friends’ wives and lovers made I could’ve probably destroyed every home or relationship I’ve ever known.

Let’s put a little twist on this Question…
If you were a long-time or equal friend to both parties in a relationship (which is not unusual), would you tell one about the others secret sex life?

Here’s another twist…
suppose you made a stupid mistake yourself and allowed a person of the opposite sex catch you with your guard down, and respond to your friendship a little too intimately would you want your “true” lover’s nosey and spying friends reporting their observations to your mate?

Look, It’s not that people are minding their on business too much, but probably people are gossiping and spreading too much second-hand info and “minding everybody’s store but their own”.

Peace,

Sun Ship
 

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