Running in place like I’m on life’s treadmill... Going nowhere, but still running, because if I stop... Life will throw me off the back end I wonder why I am the way I am I can’t explain myself because I don’t understand it all I know myself inside and out, yet I’m like a stranger to myself.... Matters that have no relevant meaning to me at all weigh down my mind and burden my heart my life is in total disarray, yet I pity the homeless and hungry I have no money, yet I feel sorrow for the needy I have no love in life, but I sympathize with the lonely I’m backwards but at the same time, moving forward... At a rate not many can pace my mind, heart, and soul are all expanding at a rapid rate the smallest things can have the greatest impact on people... if they allow themselves to open their minds and really think.. What is life? Is it money, fame, success, popularity? these petty things are destroying the moral fabric of today’s society in my life, they are below honesty, integrity, and loyalty What is true happiness? It differs for many people...for me it is love.. As much as I like the feeling of being involved with several women at once... It keeps me from adhering to any one of them, therefore when I go to sleep at night, I have empty memories.... Along with an empty bed I need one woman that rekindles the flame in me when the coldness of life extinguishes it along with love, what makes me happy is learning, and sharing that which I learn the only problem is that no one is receptive to my subjects of study... Like human characteristics and patterns, and why we do what we do. I delight in helping others for some reason... To cause a smile is one of the best feelings to me in spite of my love for life and for others, my own life is meaningless in my opinion my thoughts are gloomy and foreboding I used to live for Midnight, but even darkness brings misery now light is still my enemy, but darkness is a deceitful friend....... I have no one to turn to for solace I find consolation in isolation, it’s not healthy... But I have no alternative solitude is comforting in it’s own bizarre way silence can seem so loud when there’s not a bunch of ambient noise meditation is a lost art, people are afraid of their own thoughts I embrace my perceptions be they bad, or good because they are ME... Is everyone losing their identity? I welcome my eccentricities because they are what defines me I’m blind to prejudices and try to look past people’s outer shell it’s like we all have invisible walls erected to keep anyone from getting too close nothing wrong with being private but we shouldn’t mask our true personalities behind drugs, alcohol, and forced facades everyone wants to be a player in the game, but no one plays by the rules we fabricate our own false code of morals and use that to get by in life I see the same things everyone else sees, but in a totally dissimilar way I know this from conversations with my friends and family.... I’m spiritual but a sinner, a lover without a beloved I’m free from society’s trap, but a prisoner of my own heart I listen with my ears, but prefer to speak with my actions I’m afraid to be alone, yet I welcome solitude I learn from my mistakes, then go make new ones...so I’ll never stop my education I need to learn more patience, yet I don’t have the time to I love to be challenged, but I can’t defeat depression I’m a labyrinth of confusion, undirected passion, and intensity I seek guidance but don’t know where to get it other than from God, and I won’t allow him to direct my path.... Why would I turn my face from the light? I think I grew to accustomed to obscurity and darkness my life is routinely chaotic...because I crave something that barely exists: True Love Derrick H.