Black Relationships : Messed Up

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by buttaflisw, Aug 25, 2005.

  1. buttaflisw

    buttaflisw Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2005
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I had met this really nice guy that tried to be with me but kept pushing him away by not returning his phone calls, not taking his phone calls and other mean stuff. Not to long ago I called him and we talked. I asked if he was in a relationship and he said no. :) So I tried to make plans this weekend to maybe come over to his place and hang out (he just recently moved to a new apartment). He said that he had some stuff to do with his family and he would not be free until Sunday and Monday. So I said that I would come out to his place and he tells me that he doesnt want anybody to know where he lives. He says that his own mother doesnt even know where he lives.

    ps..Previous to this he was not returning text messages that I sent him and I asked if it was payback for the way I treated him and he said no. I told him that I was sorry for the way I treated him and I hope that he could forgive.

    But I guess this is his revenge.


    Should I continue to try and be with him and let him have his revenge or should I say fukk it and move on to someone that doesnt need revenge. I really dont know how much of his playing I can take because I am truely not in the habit of sweatin men....
     
  2. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    From your two post that I've read, you need to forget about being with anyone right now and get your head straight. You seem to be too preoccupied with men/ boys. There is much more to life than trying to figure out if you want to be with someone or not. In both posts you stated a level of confusion, and that's a red flag. You may need to grow a little more before trying to be in a relationship. If you can't even figure out what's going on in this relationship/ issue, the last thing you should be considering is moving on to someone else, especially when you haven't addressed your own issues.
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,006
    Likes Received:
    11,482
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,742
    welcome to the site.
    how old are you?
    should this be in the teen forum?
     
  4. buttaflisw

    buttaflisw Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2005
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    @jamesfrmphilly

    Thanks for Welcoming me to the site...

    My age has nothing to do with the situation I just wrote about.

    If you feel what I write is childish dont read them or respond to them.

    Its that simple... :shutup:


    @kente417mojo

    Thanks for the advise. For some reason I always attract men that like to play games. At first it was age because I have dated some guys in there mid-upper 20's but I have also dated guys in there early-mid 30's and they all seem to be the same. I guess there is a lesson learned with every person you meet. I know eventually I will find the right person. :happens:
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    To be perfectly honest, you seem to be confused. I feel YOU need to take a step back because you don't seem to be mentally ready for a relationship. These guys probably are not worth the time and effort, but that doesn't mean that you're not part of the problem. I'm not trying to be mean, so please don't take it that way.

    No woman ever answers this question but, what age are you? That would tell alot if you truly want some advice.
     
  6. buttaflisw

    buttaflisw Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2005
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    @kente417mojo

    I guess a little confused on relationships because I have not been in one in a long time so maybe I am a little rusty.

    I plan on taking more than a step back cuz I dont have time to play. I am sure that my time can be wasted on other stuff.

    I am sure that I played a big part in this mess. But you learn from your mistakes and that is what life is about.

    I plan is to foucus on what I want and I will not settle for anything less
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    Yeah, sometimes personal time is better than wasting it with someone who doesn't deserve, just so you can say you have someone. I think everyone has to go through that. Some people jump from one relationship to another because they don't want to deal with themselves. Then they wonder why it never works out. I'm also not in a relationship. Not because I can't find anyone, but because I'm having so much fun finding myself and reaching my own goals. You sound pretty young (not an insult) so there's plenty of time to be in a relationship.
     
  8. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 25, 2005
    Messages:
    683
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +29
    I think you should definitely move on. If he wants to hang out with you, he'll catch up with you! You said you are not in the habit of "sweatin men" well....sister don't start something you are not willing to keep up, and sweatin men is not something you want to do.
    Also, I think brother Kente417mojo advice is excellent.
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,006
    Likes Received:
    11,482
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,742
    if you want to post here on this site you will have to learn and go by our rules.
    you need to decide if you want to be a part of this or not.

    i am a moderator and i asked you a legitimate question.
    i was trying to help you out.

    you respond with hostility, why?
     
  10. Wisdom7

    Wisdom7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    577
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ratings:
    +7
    Hi Buttaflsw, I think you should take some time out as well and just ask yourself, what is it that he has now that u didn't want back then, and why you want him. I don't think it's really him that u want, it seems u want a relationship right now and because he called so much he was your safest bet.

    I know u said you're not into sweating men, and I'm not trying to criticize u at all, maybe u don't see it. It seems like u are forcing yourself on him. If u continuosly text him and he doesn't respond then move on. I think you should let a man pursue you. Maybe thats not always the case, but until u know what you want and why.

    Right now I think you enjoy the challenge of going after something you can't have. When it's right in front of you, you don't want it, but now he's a challenge to you. Playing a game like that will only make you end up alone. In reading your previous post, I somehow get the feeling you think you are unworthy on some kind of level, and you won't feel satisfied until u get a man that u had to go through drama to get. I could be wrong, but take your time and learn to see the value in the men that show interest in you.

    I know it takes a lot to spill your problem on the board, don't feel childish, after a minute you'll start to figure out this space is no different than the outside community, so you have to survive either way.

    Good luck
     
Loading...