Black Relationships : Men who trap women with pregnancy?

karmashines

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Feb 26, 2005
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panafrica said:
I think the bottom line here is that people do what we allow them to! It makes little sense to for a person blame someone else when they "willingly" allowed them to enter their body. This is especially true when it comes to women and pregnancy! Men don't get pregnant, Women do! Because of this basic biological reality, it is ultimately the woman's primary concern to prevent unwanted pregnancy (either through birth control or abstinence). I say this not to excuse men of any responsibility, but again this is reality. It is one thing if we are discussing a naive 14 year old who is being told by her boyfriend that: "you can't get pregnant the 1st time" or "I'm shooting blanks". When we are talking about a grown woman in her 20s & beyond, who has had sex education, biology, and everything else...she knows how to prevent pregnancy, and has no excuse for getting pregnant unintentially (or getting tricked into pregnancy). As I said in my previous response, in today's day & time with modern pregnancy prevention methods: The only way a woman gets pregnant is if she did not take the proper preventative measures. The more unsure a woman is about a man & his intentions..the more she needs to take steps to prevent getting pregnant by him.

Men need to get it through their minds that condoms are as necessary as birth control if you are not in a monogamus relationship. This is something that they can control, and is the ONLY way to prevent deadly STDs such as AIDS/HIV.

People are concentrating way too much on pregancy as a 'consequence' to irresponsible sex. Yes, it happens, and it can screw up your life if it isn't planned, but AIDS will kill you. And condoms, (which is a contraceptive device used primarily by men), is the only thing out there that can prevent that.

Sexual responsibility is a 50/50 thing. Yes, it is true that a woman carries the baby, but the days in which men can say, "Oh, protection is not my responsibility," are LONG gone. A man that continues to have sexual relations unprotected, (and I say men specifically because they often times push women to have sex unprotected because it feels better in addition to the fact that society already overly acknowledges the importance of sexual responsibility in women), is playing Russian roulette with his body.
 

karmashines

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Feb 26, 2005
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Princess said:
What is it? Men who see a sista that is responsible, young, cute, no kids, single, has her own home & car, career and money. Why do brothers want to trap you up with a baby? I think this is a form of control because some men don't want to see you happy or without them. I had a couple of brothers who told me that, "he nevers wants me to leave his life", so doing sex i had to pay close attention to this cat, cuz he was (on purpose) trying to get me pregnant. So i broke off the relationship with him just because of me being scared of becoming a Baby Mama.

This has happened to me more than 3 times now. What do you guys think?
How do you know the men got you pregnant to 'trap' you? Is this something that they told you yourself? Usually, if men want to commit to a woman, they will marry her, not get her pregnant. There are some low-class types that will say, "Oh, I want you to have my baby," but that's only because they will say anything to get you to jump in the bed with them.

I will say, though, I do agree that it is possible for men to want their significant other to get pregnant as a means of control. I guess this would mainly be the scenario in already committed relationships. A woman who is 'barefoot and pregnant' running around taking care of two or three other kids is less likely to be running around on her man than someone who had no kids. If there is no marriage, though, I highly doubt men give a **** about what's going on with the women. In these situations it's all about sex.
 

panafrica

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Aug 24, 2002
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The Diaspora
karmashines said:
Men need to get it through their minds that condoms are as necessary as birth control if you are not in a monogamus relationship. This is something that they can control, and is the ONLY way to prevent deadly STDs such as AIDS/HIV. People are concentrating way too much on pregancy as a 'consequence' to irresponsible sex. Yes, it happens, and it can screw up your life if it isn't planned, but AIDS will kill you. And condoms, (which is a contraceptive device used primarily by men), is the only thing out there that can prevent that.
Welcome to Destee.com Karmashines. I agree that men who are not in monogamus relationships should use condoms (for pregnancy & STD prevention. I was not absolving men of responsibility, but dealing with this specific topic: women who supposedly get pregnant without intending to. Again there is no reason why a woman should leave birth control up to the male's willingness to use a condom. For that matter there is no reason why a woman should leave STD prevention up to the male's willingness to use a condom. If a man refuses to wear a condom...the woman should refuse to have sex with him...point blank! I don't care how a man "pushes" a woman to have sex without a condoms. No amount of "come on baby" & "girl you know I love you" should make a woman lose her desire for self-preservation. Short of a man forcing himself on a woman, she has no reason to blame a man for having unprotected sex....it is her decision as much as it is his! This is self-destructive behavior that the black community needs to change. It is pointless to point fingers when every individual has control over our own actions! Everyone has control over their sexual practices!
 

karmashines

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Feb 26, 2005
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panafrica said:
Welcome to Destee.com Karmashines. I agree that men who are not in monogamus relationships should use condoms (for pregnancy & STD prevention. I was not absolving men of responsibility, but dealing with this specific topic: women who supposedly get pregnant without intending to. Again there is no reason why a woman should leave birth control up to the male's willingness to use a condom. For that matter there is no reason why a woman should leave STD prevention up to the male's willingness to use a condom. If a man refuses to wear a condom...the woman should refuse to have sex with him...point blank! I don't care how a man "pushes" a woman to have sex without a condoms. No amount of "come on baby" & "girl you know I love you" should make a woman lose her desire for self-preservation. Short of a man forcing himself on a woman, she has no reason to blame a man for having unprotected sex....it is her decision as much as it is his! This is self-destructive behavior that the black community needs to change. It is pointless to point fingers when every individual has control over our own actions! Everyone has control over their sexual practices!
Thanks for your greeting! This is indeed a very interesting forum; one of the best I've seen of its type.

I agree with what you're saying, but I just think that the message of women taking responsibility has been emphasized enough on in society. Yes, a woman who gives sex unprotected to a man that keeps pushing her is partly to blame, but so is that man. If he has the mindset that, "Oh, I'll just sweet-talk her to have unprotected sex," he's just as wrong. He shouldn't even be aligned to do that, because once he does, it can be difficult for some women, because at that point she may be as 'hot and bothered' as him. Just like it's pretty much automatic that women use birth control and choose worthwhile mates, it should be automatic in the minds of most men to use a condom.
 

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