Black People : Men That Run / Hide From Their Own Seed

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Destee, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,773
    Likes Received:
    8,979
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,677
    Peace and Blessings Family,

    What manner of man is this, one that runs / hides from their own seed, or encourages other men to do the same.

    What manner of man is this? Is there any more cowardly act than this?

    If a man will hide from his own seed, that his own body produced, what will he stand up for, protect, and defend?

    Men are doing this, running / hiding from their own seed, and encouraging other men to do the same.

    What can be done with this? How do we turn it around? Making men courageous enough to at least face their own selves, their own seed.

    In essence, these men are running / hiding from their own selves, or suggesting that others do this!

    How can we take any counsel from such a man?

    In this thread, these things are recommended by men, even going as far as (attempting) to publicly put the responsibility of their own seed, on another.

    How does someone twist in their own minds, that it should be someone else's responsibility, for their acts / seed?

    How did we get to this place Family?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    He is a coward...plain and simple

    But sometimes the mother can run a man off...Even if the dad is trying his hardest to be in that child's life.

    It can be a challenge and tiresome to deal with this other person's attitude.

    The mother (or father, in my case) can tell lies to the child about the other parent, in order to turn that child away from them.

    They could be paying child support and the other parent may try and prevent the other parent from seeing their child.

    The other parent could go to court and LIE to the courts about the other parent's behavior.

    Who wants to put up with that BS?

    I have. And still do.

    It is frustrating and tiresome.

    And...here is another scenario.

    I know of women who have done this...

    Poked holes in the condom to get pregnant.

    Some of these women are like bear traps. Real business.

    Now I feel bad for the kid, because the child didn't choose to be brought into that situation.

    I do feel it is both of the parents are responsible to ensure the child is happy with each parent.

    But there is a lot of bitterness. (not that it is an excuse, but it plays a huge factor)

    Especially when both are not ready to take on the role as parents.

    Speaking for myself....I don't want ANYTHING to do with my child's father...Nothing...I don't even speak to him. If I do it's through email. If I do see her, it's in a public place. For my sake, his sake, and my child's sake.

    I will not lie...I got so tired of dealing with him...I almost gave up on being a mother. Say what you will, but this was my disposition. But ultimately, I would have been being selfish. So I tossed all those crazy ideas out the window.

    I will go to hell and back for my child. And that is exactly what I am doing now.

    BTW....

    I PROMOTE THE DAY-AFTER PILL and BIRTH CONTROL:whip:
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,773
    Likes Received:
    8,979
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,677
    Sister MsInterpret ... you immediately blame the woman ... do you see that above?



    How can it be anyone else's fault, the consequences of what a man does with his own penis?

    No ... in no way, shape, form, or fashion, is it someone else's fault, that he is a coward, running from his own self and seed.

    Of course these excuses will be put on the table, in attempts to protect him from his own poor decision making ... but it holds no water with me.

    How someone has a penis, chooses to put it in a vagina, creates a child ... and the rest is all someone else's fault ... but they made all the choices and decisions?!

    Each of us should be held fully responsible, and accountable, for our own actions, decisions, etc.

    Anything less than that, only perpetuates the devastation we currently face in our families and communities.

    Thanks for sharing Sister!

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    If you read on i said both are responsible.

    I gave my personal experience.
     
  5. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2009
    Messages:
    14,710
    Likes Received:
    3,006
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    owner of various real estate concerns
    Location:
    Brooklyn
    Ratings:
    +3,014
    I think what the sister is saying that in some very minute instances the father does want to see love and support the child but is forbiden by the mother.

    But these instances are minute

    I undersatnd your pain but this is about more then pain, this is a political issue because the man in these incidents is guilty of impinging upon the liberation of not just himself, but his offspring and those around them.

    But like rape, murder, or theft how does one, what is the social psychology to stop such a pathological crime especially at a time when all crimes will rise,

    when economies decline?

    In Brazil children are considered disopsable
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,773
    Likes Received:
    8,979
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,677
    I read all that you said Sister, including your personal experience, but that is not the part I questioned.

    You immediately shifted the focus of fault, off of the men hiding / running from their own seed and responsibility, to the woman.

    I'm accustomed to seeing Brothers do this, immediately shift the focus off of them, and onto the woman.

    Did you see yourself do that?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    Maybe because I see it from a male point of view from my own experiences.
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,773
    Likes Received:
    8,979
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,677
    Full accountability and responsibility for all choices and decisions, should be the call to action, from men and women.

    To suggest that removing accountability and responsibility from the man, and putting it on the woman, is a male point of view ... well ... maybe it is.

    But it also qualifies as a flawed, irresponsible, and destructive point of view ... no matter who it comes from.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    When males / men do this ...yes they are cowards afraid of responsibilty
    these kind look for help support then give support .

    By law every man has a right to there child/children and beyond what a woman
    wants or say less he's pure bad for the child .

    So i can't pit blame on the woman for running / leaving a man for whatever reason

    how did we get here you ask !
    we got here from where it all starts at .......HOME.......then branch out in our youth
    age being inresponsibleand care less / when we worry about buying Jordans then the
    well beings of the new life as this tren grew and became more accepted the stakes
    was raised where older men started doing the same out the woman life and child as well

    If a man will hide from his own seed, that his own body produced, what will he stand up for, protect, and defend?
    Nothing worthy,just his own selfishness

    What can be done with this? How do we turn it around?
    One way is to start at home , teaching our sons the values of life and responsibilities
    of life and having babies what there role is when they cross these kinda bridges
    helping them understand there rights to this child and what measures they take
    in the up keeping to this new life .

    You can't get any lower being a coward or acting cowardly to your own blood child

    to turn it around is it instill in our young men as well older ones that it's there
    duity and responsibility to become responsible men and play there role in the child's
    life meaning be there do what must be done , care for them and provide the security
    to these babies .

    But if we don't never come to the full circle of unity this will never be done.
     
  10. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,903
    Likes Received:
    564
    Location:
    STL Missouri
    Ratings:
    +565
    Simple really.

    Most kids of separated parents winds up staying with the mothers, and if the mother doesn't try to keep the man in the fold... then he won't keep himself in the fold. He'll figure 'it's my kid, but she's taking care of it. So I'm gonna go ahead and do my thang and the kid will see me when they see me.' My children's father has said as much... and it is I who will and must keep him involved, even if I get with another guy. If and when I get with someone else, I will need one who understands that because I understand that if I become involved with a guy who has kids, I would like for his kid's biological mother to be involved in her kids life, and will make a respectful and comfortable effort to facilitate that. He must be civil and respectful enough to allow me to do that with my kid's father.

    But often times, men are not that civil to each other. Relationships break up and there may be animosity and bitterness between him and his child's mother. So a man will make will not involve himself with the child until the child is old enough to find him or seek him out. He doesn't want the drama of ingratiating himself into a family where there is another man and probably a bitter woman just to see his child, so he leaves it be.

    And yes, he is hoping he doesn't have to pay CS. That's more than natural because who wants to give up their money? Men figure their child is being taken care of by the mother and another man that is presumably the step-father and father figure and that person will be there also providing his momentary support... so to a guy, the child looks taken care of and he doesn't have to give up money or more money for that family. He wants to keep as much as he can in his own pocket to take of himself.

    When he does have to pay, most men want to pay for what their child needs directly - shoes, clothes, presents, education, etc. This doesn't always work as custodial parents will often question the parent who has custody about what and how they are taking care of the child with the money they are making and getting. So to avoid that argument, the parent with custody will seek the assistance of the state for CS. Men will further alienate themselves from that parent... and by association from their child because they resent having to pay a set amount to a woman through the state or government.

    That is the straight forward reason without any sugar coating.

    I actually understand it. That doesn't mean I condone it or justify it, but I understand it.


    I don't consider this cowardly, but oh yes... I can think of plenty of things more cowardly for a man to do in regards to his own child. Like.... injecting your 2 year old with the HIV/AIDS virus to get back at the mother and the system and hoping your child dies as a result so you don't have to pay CS. True story.


    Well, speaking for my kids father and maybe that of other 'peacefully' uninvolved fathers once they leave the mother.... don't play 'em cheap. With many, if that child ever finds their father and tells them of anything wrong or going with with regards to say... abuse, or taking advantage of the child, or wrongdoing... I'm sure many of these dads would step in and take action. At the very least they will talk wit the mother. Progressing upwards... they may call the police, or fight to get full custody of the child. Again, I wouldn't sell a father (or mother) short just because he's not involved. Unfortunately..... many times a father doesn't want to involve himself with the mother... which more or less lessens his involvement with the child. But I still think many of these fathers care about their children.


    • Parents who have full custody of the child should make a more concerted effort to keep the custodial parent involved and foster an atmosphere of respect between the custodial parents and the new lover/mate in their life.
    • Set times of visitation and return should be mutually agreed upon between both parents and adhered too.
    • Realize that there can be more than one mother figure or father figure in a child's life. They can still be close to the bio parent and grow a respect and fondness for the step parent. It should be fostered by the bio parent who actually has custody.
    • The step parent should be mature enough to allow the custodial parent to be in their child's life without being threatened by it. But rules and regulations may need to be set and agreed upon by ALL parties.
    • Custodial parent should utilize every media and technological effort to communicate with the child. Sometimes scheduling conflicts with prohibit a visit, but children love letters, emails, video chat, notes and whatever else you have to communicate with them and tell them you love them.
    • Don't start a new family and totally forget about your old one.
     
Loading...