Men.. do you have problems with child support system?

[jgyknowledge]

It's interesting that you start off your second paragraph lamenting about the "war stories" between African American men and WOMEN, while comparing it to African men who "kidnap" or "take" their children away from the mother after the marriage breaks up.

This is interesting because you start off talking about the bahaviour of both parties but end up talking about men going to the extremes.

Hmmmmm?

She can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she was comparing the "war stories" from a female point of view to the "kidnapping" that African men do with their kids. Kinda of like......"where's the love?"

 

[Riada]

My post comparing some AA men to African men when it comes to child support and attitudes re duty toward children is an observation of the differences between these two groups of Black men when it comes to how they see their duty to their child/children.

It seems from what I've heard, read, and observed that once the marriage/relationship breaks up, many AA men and African men are angry and resentful towards their ex-wives/woman, but the vast majority of African men tend to be DUTY-BOUND to the child/children, no matter what the circumstances were or are between him and the child's mother.some Some African men are SO duty bound until they kidnap their children from the woman whether she's AA, African, or white because they feel they (the man)are responsible for that child's welfare.

I don't approve of the kidnapping, but I feel that if I had to choose between being left solely responsible for the overwhelming job of raising a child/children in today's world (as many sistas are) OR have the child kidnapped/taken by a loving father to be raised by his extended family, I would choose the latter. WHY? Because I would be more concerned about the child's welfare rather than my own selfish desire to have my child with me. It would hurt like mad, but as the same time, it would be so comforting to know that my child is not only surviving, but thriving, as the children are in the two cases I mentioned. And I don't believe that the mothers would have done nearly as well with these children here on their own, trying to be mama and daddy.

 

[kente417mojo]

If this was directed towards me

Why do you sound soo angry and bitter? I can understand your reasoning and as a matter of fact my sentiments might have been pretty close to yours. Then I had the opportunity(blessing actually) to become a single parent and view things from the other side. Not saying that you are, but you seem to be blaming the system and women. What about the blame on men? You mention some very good points, but are those the majority? In every system there is always room for improvement and there are always situations that are unfair to some people. As a matter of fact, I'd recommend to any man to take himself to the court system and put everything on paper, so there is no guessing. It works out better that way.

I've had the view of parents getting divorced and my pops getting stuck with unreasonable payments. You know what he did? He paid the money and never said a bad thing about my mother. He sacrificed for his kids, and I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat.

I have come accustom to people TRYING to claim I'm angry and bitter to rationalize me actually caring about people being taken advantage of, so it's ok. Men should be angry and bitter. I'm not blaming the system and women for everything. I was pretty clear when I said that men who outright refuse to take responsibility, should get exactly what they deserve. I doubt if anyone chooses to aknowledge that statement though. It doesn't matter if it's the majority or not, the fact that it's putting a lot of men through hell is enough to actually address it. If people aknowledge that the system is flawed, we should not just say "O well, so a few innocent dudes get screwed for 18 yrs, no big deal". That's idiotic. Is it the same arguement when SOME innocent black men are jailed simply because other black men commit crimes? Same thing. All men who don't live with their kids, shouldn't be treated as if they are the same as someone who outright dodges his responsibility, but that's exactly what's happening. As far as men just swallowing injustice and smiling while they do it, that's not the way to deal with the problem. We wonder why this phenomenon is stil in existance. It's because ironically a lot of men don't mind being raked over the coals. Men should take care of their kids, no question. But to expect men to just allow women to do them any kind of way is just sad. I'm not the one making excuses, because I've held men that refuse to help in the same light as these women and the system. It seems like a few of you guys are willing to just give women a complete pass in the name of so-called "being a man and taking care of responsibility". That has nothing to do with being a man. All that says is you're willing to let our own women stand in the same line as white people to disrespect and exploit us. Nothing honorable about that.

 

[Sekhemu]

She can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she was comparing the "war stories" from a female point of view to the "kidnapping" that African men do with their kids. Kinda of like......"where's the love?"

Ahhh, I know exactly what she was talking about. There is also a man's point of view as well. I've stated mine

 

[jgyknowledge]

I have come accustom to people TRYING to claim I'm angry and bitter to rationalize me actually caring about people being taken advantage of, so it's ok. Men should be angry and bitter. I'm not blaming the system and women for everything. I was pretty clear when I said that men who outright refuse to take responsibility, should get exactly what they deserve. I doubt if anyone chooses to aknowledge that statement though. It doesn't matter if it's the majority or not, the fact that it's putting a lot of men through hell is enough to actually address it. If people aknowledge that the system is flawed, we should not just say "O well, so a few innocent dudes get screwed for 18 yrs, no big deal". That's idiotic. Is it the same arguement when SOME innocent black men are jailed simply because other black men commit crimes? Same thing. All men who don't live with their kids, shouldn't be treated as if they are the same as someone who outright dodges his responsibility, but that's exactly what's happening. As far as men just swallowing injustice and smiling while they do it, that's not the way to deal with the problem. We wonder why this phenomenon is stil in existance. It's because ironically a lot of men don't mind being raked over the coals. Men should take care of their kids, no question. But to expect men to just allow women to do them any kind of way is just sad. I'm not the one making excuses, because I've held men that refuse to help in the same light as these women and the system. It seems like a few of you guys are willing to just give women a complete pass in the name of so-called "being a man and taking care of responsibility". That has nothing to do with being a man. All that says is you're willing to let our own women stand in the same line as white people to disrespect and exploit us. Nothing honorable about that.

I didn't try to claim anything, but that's the way I read your words. What are your suggestions? What do you think is a fair amount to pay? There are two sides to every story and if you're only going to view one, then you can't possibly come to a reasonable conclusion. All I can see is you airing your grievances, which you've done a couple of times, but what solutions do you have?