Men.. do you have problems with child support system?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by PoeticManifesta, Aug 10, 2005.

  1. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was having a discussion with my brothers father the other day, and he said he had went to the child support enforcement office to get an audit.. to increase the child support since hes been paying the same amount for the last 15 years.. they wernt very halpful to him and told him everything was in order. This man has 5 kids.. for the ages 18-1y/o... one in college.. and he has always been a very good supporter of his children. But had to go so far as to tansfer the case to another office to get an increase that was 7 years over due anyways!!.​
    On the other end, my mother has been tryign to get my father to pay child support for the last 15 eyars of my life.. and he has be reluctant to do so. Now Im almost 21.. and hes still not paying.. my father has three kids,.. and my mind he is living hand to mouth.. not supporting the kids that live in his home very well at all.. always getting phone cut off.. and behind on bills.​
    He has only had one thing done to him, and that was suspend his liecense. Here he is a year ago he just pauid 2g's to get it back.. and finally after my mother had to write a lteer to the virginia director to get this matter some attention.. and what did they do? Suspend his license.. he still hasnt paid a dime.. and is working.. my mother is not an enraged person.. but she wants aknowledgement that this is a crime. :deal: . to disobey a court order to pay $81 dollars a month.. thats it yall.. 81$ a month.. is that sad or what? There was no point in seeking a revision evern though my mother sent me to college.. and came out of her pocket with a 20,000 debt.. wheres the justice.. ​
    What do you all think.. or what have your experiences been with this orgnization?
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have never been involved in the child support system (neither as a child or as a parent), so my opinion may not be as insightful as someone who has. However, I think that the inherent flaw in the child support system is that making a man/woman pay for their children does not substitute for the guidance lost by a parent who is absent from their children's lives. In other words, I don't think making a man/woman met their obligations as a parent is the responsibility of local, state, or federal government: It is the responsibility of the family (on both sides) and the community. In reality state & local government is not concerned about the welfare of children, their primary concern is reducing "wards of the state".
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think the main problem with the child-support system is that so many women feel like it's the first step to take if you are not married. Nevermind trying to talk it out and come to terms with an amount of money and time to resolve the issue. Women never think about the damage and tension that one move will cause. It makes some men resentful of the whole situation, so the relationship between himself and the child is already off on the wrong foot. On top of that, the child support system often asks a man to pay far more than is neccessary for raising a child, then the man can not fully take care of himself, so that adds to the problem. The whole process should be avoided UNLESS the father just flat-out refuses to pay. Unfortunately, many women report the father if he can't or is not willing to pay the dollar amount that she's seeking.

    As far as men who are just dodging being a father, they get what's coming to them.

    But the first mistake the system made was taking a woman's word for it as far as if the man is trying to do the right thing or not. That's too much power over a man's life for most women to have, because they will use it to their advantage, not the child's best interest.


    I've been divorced, but my ex-wife was respectable and fair throughout the whole process. It was very comforting to know that she didn't try and exploit a very flawed system, so I fully understand that not all women will do that. In this country, I will not have any additional children, because I will not be able to dodge the same bullet twice.
     
  4. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The child support system is designed to be a unpleasant experience for both men and women. I never had a problem with child support until I changed jobs. That's when things got screwed up for me. As for my childs mother all I have to say is ladies beware. She reported me to child support because she thought she wasn't getting enough money for our son. I must admit that I wasn't always on time but I paid what we agreed upon each month. The outcome was she was awarded $13.00 more per than I was giving her. I had no problem with this. She on the other hand would recieve checks sparatically for different amounts of money there was no consistancy. She would call me in the beginning and ask if I paid child support and I would tell her it comes out of my paycheck so I never see it. I also told her if the money is coming late then you should contact the child support agency. Bottomline is as men if we have unprotected sex with a woman an she gets pregnant you better be prepared to do the right thing. It's no one fault but your own so stop with the excuses and sob stories. This is what I had to tell myself when I was going through this situation....


    Peace.....
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    what i've done in this case was when my ex-wife and i departed with a child
    together i told her from the start there will be no need to seek child support
    because she really don't get much , my friend was paying in like every two weeks
    out his paycheck 127.00 and his lady friend only got 31.00 per month

    I did a written agreement with my ex-wife to provide care for my son and agreed
    to give her 30.00 per week which we agreed on until he reach 13 years of age
    then she will sign full custody to me for him i've alwayz paid for his medical and
    clothing schooling and so on he's with me daily , the system is laid out to get
    the support from father's yet only give the child about 20% of the money they get
    from these men

    I think the system is set up for dead beat dad's but they are starting to lock up
    these guys for none payment and lack of support this system really don't work
    in the good for noone but them the child still be lacking needs about a few months
    it was some program but they was locking young men up like hot cakes in Chicago
    for child support they even make you find a job but even those who didn't work still
    had to pay like 10 to 14 dollars a week or do time behind bars.

    I really never had to deal with the system but from what a friend of mines tell me
    and i see him going through it's a no win system for men or the child in reality,
    if he get into the system right he will have to pay for all them years which will be
    thousands of dollars the college funds in all they starting to get very hard on men
    now because so many of these single women are getting medical cards for these children
    even welfare funds they want the fathers to pay it all back

    over all childsupport system make money off you women don't get the full amount
    children still come up short and lacking needs the man get trap in this system
    so fast and easy monies taken from paychecks which noone ever see ..................

    Trust me the real winner is the SYSTEM !
     
  6. jgyknowledge

    jgyknowledge Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've been on both sides of the fence as far as child-support is concerned. The child support system is slow and often does not enforce the rules as quickly as one would like. I do believe it is necessary. I've had buddies complain about paying this much and they don't make enough money....and they do end up resenting the woman. But life is tough and if you lay down to have sex, you pay the consequences. I have no sympathy for men or women who don't pay their child support. Of course personal contact isn't going to be replaced by money, but it does help. It makes me sick when folks complain about paying, because in reality if you were living with the child you'll be paying a lot more. How much is fair? I'm not sure, but the non-custodial parent needs to pay around 300-400 dollars a month. People will complain about paying that much, but they'll pay that much and more for a car note. Does that make sense?

    I get soo pissed off everytime I have to call the child-support office, because they assume that since I'm a guy that I'm the one paying support. They get a nasty attitude, then I have to straighten them out.
     
  7. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  8. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Rich....thanks for enlightening me. I had NO ideal the system is set-up as such. I've always thought whatever the agreed amount all those monies went to the child/children. I was truly taken-a-back when you stated that only $31.00 dollars out of $127.00 dollars went to the child.....what meaneth this????

    I’ve never had to deal with the system, and I pray that I never have to, but if I find myself in that situation, I know just how to communicate what will be best for our son who is now 13yrs. Once again, thanks for the eye opener.
     
  9. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very well stated! You are so right!, I too feel if the non-custodial parent was in the home they would definitely pay much more than the agreed amount.

    What did you say bout inanimate objects????? Watch out Now! You know you talking LOUD!, Car, House, Stuff.....some don't place a price tag on those things.....so from the way I see it... why should one place a price tag on the support of their "own child"

    Also, much love to you for being the responsible parent and making sure your child/children are taken care of, and also for letting them people at the child support office know what's really going on!
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think we need to be careful making these type of statements. Yeah, if you impregnate a woman, you should take care of your children. That isn't always enough for women. Sometimes, "doing the right thing" in your mind is not "doing the right thing" in her mind. She may want you to be with her, she may want marriage or she may want a lot more than you're able to give financially. You can still be taken to the court and hit with unjust child-support payments. Having sex should not warrant punishment, especially since both parties voluntarily participated in the act. Sometimes, the whole process is not brought on by the fact that you impregnanted a woman, it's brought on by her dissappointment in how things turned out after the fact. There are unjust child-support payments because they are base the amount on what a man makes, not on what it takes to raise a child. That's why you have NBA players and NFL players paying $10,000 a month. Now, what child takes $10,000 a month to raise? It doesn't matter how much the man makes, is he being punished for being successful or is he paying child-support? It all depends on the lifestyle, as far as how much it takes to raise your child. If you're planning to buy your kid Jordans when he's 1 yr old and FuBu gear , then maybe you do need $300-$500 a month from EACH parent. If you use your money wisely, I have found that kids can be very affordable. This whole "you have to pay to play" notion is what gives so many women a clear conscience while they're using the child-support systems as the first step and not the last resort. Let's also remember that not all of these children are concieved through unprotected sex, and not all of these fathers in the system are biologically the child's father. These are not excuses. It's called looking at the problem from every angle and not just taking the easy way out by blaming one side for actions that takes two people to make it happen.

    So all the people saying men should be prepared to pay whatever amount, have never had unprotected sex or have never had sex with someone they didn't want to marry and financially support? I seriously doubt that.
     
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