Black Relationships : Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by HODEE, Jul 19, 2017.

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Can Men and Women be Platonic Friends

This poll will close on Jul 19, 2018 at 7:28 PM.
  1. Yes

    62.5%
  2. No

    37.5%
  3. It's complicated but possible

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. HODEE

    HODEE going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/

    Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"

    Researchers asked women and men "friends" what they really think—and got very different answers
    scientificamerican.com


    This article has a lot of truth in it.
    Men over estimate the ( relationship) Rela-Friend-Ship.
    Women underestimate it.

    I have had several friendships with women that never blossomed into sexual relationships.

    While I would have quickly crossed from F to L ( friends to lovers) I kept the platonic relationship in perspective. It was very ..very tough.

    So to be a Male Friend to a Lady, you either fall into Friend or Lover category.

    A Male friend is called an Orbiter. Like a satellite circling earth. Like a spacecraft designed to go into orbit, one not intended to land.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2017
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  2. Lunar Cycle

    Lunar Cycle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This has to be one of GODS deepest mysteries & I think even my Savior has to scratch his devine head in confusion. I cannot believe the millions of tax dollars not to mention the tens of thousands of man hours that have been wasted (Well not really wasted because it went into some undeserving individuals pockets) into seeking the obvious answers to this Earth shaking dilemma. Unless the so called male female just friends are the only two clear thinking humans on Earth such a oddball relationship will inevitably become problematic once one finds a lover then the original other half has now not only become the rather awkward third wheel but a nagging just under the surface threat to the new partner, especially if they continue their usual regimen of communication that will not only foment resentment but suspicion in the new partner & rightly so. There have been so many movies & TV shows touching on this rather life altering scenario that if you started watching them one after the other if you just started your career at 21 years of age, when you attended your own retirement party after thirty years with your company you'd still have about 5 years of movies & TV shows to watch.
     
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  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    on the one hand i try not to challenge anybody's beliefs.
    on the other hand if you are going to make every thread a Christian diatribe you are pushing your beliefs on us.
    please lighten up.

    maybe you want to explore the religious section ????
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2017
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  4. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    :offtopic1:

    Folks can speak through whatever philosophy they want. At least he/she did answer the question.
     
  5. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Yes. If the definition of friendship is "not having sex", then it's completely possible. In fact, it's the most likely male-female relationship because men do not have sex with most of the women they know.. and vice versa.
     
  6. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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  7. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    2012 Skuderjaymes said:

    https://destee.com/threads/friends-of-the-opposite-sex.71130/#post-732796

    Black Relationships : - Friends of The Opposite Sex

    How many people here have friends of the opposite sex? I mean friends...somebody that you haven't been intimate with? Does being intimate change that...
    destee.com


    waay too much.. lol..
     
  8. HODEE

    HODEE going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I read your post just now. Good read.
    Thanks for reading and adding it this discussion.

    I have blown a friendship because I changed the dynamics.
    Now I was minding the friendship, and then MORE kicked the door in and I expressed that.
    It isn't a reason for a very strong friendship to crash. This one was strong, so it didn't survive the change in feelings I had.
    I mean a guy can only watch someone he has grown to really like and care about, hooking up still and he would like to now be considered.

    I had another where she came all of sudden ready.
    It didn't happen, her mother was down stairs, and her cousin busted into the room.
    We talked later, after she sobered up.

    This friendship hanging got her married, a bar owner.
    To this day... I wonder what she is doing.
    My last conversation with her was. She was having her first baby.
     
  9. HODEE

    HODEE going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Welcome to Destee Lunar Cycle
    Thank You for responding and commenting.
    What you posted is interesting.
    What I want to comment on is this quote.


    If you would can you explain why it is an odd-ball relationship?
    This male / female friendship relationship started when I was ten I started noticing how it was happening. I was surrounded by females, me and my friends (4) guys...and they never complained because we always had girls to spin the bottle with. We popped water plugs and cooled off in the summer, played baseball with them, mumble peg and shot marbles with them. I became sexually active early. These girls were older about thirteen and I started dating one. Much later in life about a decade or so. We met again. She was stunning. But after a day of reminiscing. We parted friends instead of lovers.

    What you explained can happen. If the feeling one has for another changes. It can do that suddenly or over time. What really happens is after you truly express how you care about someone. You are vulnerable. ( You can never be afraid ( if you want any kind of relationship ) express it when it comes. If it works out. Great
    If your rejected or even let down easy. It is easy to feel bad, possible angry.
    I work to be very disappointed. That way.
    If the friendship is gonna continue it will.

    It may even blossom later because as skuderjaymes stated in a past post he linked here.
    Once you get the tension out of the way. It works or it doesn't.
    No longings and secret love hearts that may later be crushed. I have had a few ladies tell me like guys will tell a lady. " I don't want a friendship "
    But to me... a lasting relationship of any kind starts and lasts from someone you know, understand, and care about. Not a stranger you meet and finally realize. You have nothing in common, and they do some bad things ( break hearts ) and leave devastation in their wake.
    This can be so true. Then too I have experienced this differently. One of my high school lady friends. When she became the third wheel. I hooked her up with a cousin. We picnic-ed while I got to know my new girlfriend. My new girl friend did get upset, because she was the jealous type. Knew how close me and my friend was. She could break that ... she was nagging above ground and in private to me... that she didn't like me having other female friends.
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I have female friends. They are great friends. Some are super model, playboy center fold fine. We just cool like that




    .