I am standing in the most beautiful place in Astedia. Even though I've grown up here, this place never lose its charm. Afterall, it is the only place in Astedia where the sea meets the mountains and the sky is always clear. Taleda, my friend- (well, the majority of the time anyway) seems lost in her own thoughts. From here I can only see her amazing blue hair- I've always kind of envied her for her hair....it reminds me the of the vast sky. And her hair colour is natural.....which is indeed very rare. Isn't it weird what kind of thoughts you have after you've lost everything? Even after I pretty much knew that the battle was over, I've never given up- just the way I've been raised. I've imagined that I will have enough time to mourn for everybody in the end- both those who died trying to kill us and those I had sent myself to die. But it is strange. I don't really feel anything. I am calm, not angry, furious or even very sad. Strange feelings to have in this situation. I can almost hear the voice of my instructors ,,Be calm- emotions just hinder your abilities. Be rational and calm- this is the only way to survive.Your duty is to succeed in your mission, and you have stay rational and even cold to do this.". And many, many other lessons- how to assess the situation, how to look for alternative ways to finish my task and how to control fear. Just that this no longer matter- we've lost. Despite all our sacrifices, fights and compromises, we've lost. The only solution right now lays right behind my feet- the sea...or the mountains. It really doesn't matter. Many of our people are singing a happy song right before they die- but of course, these people believe they are going to Segolin, the God of fire, war and peace. But this isn't the case with me- I don't believe in Segolin. Neither does Taleda. I've turned around to look at her. She looks like a statue. I'm wondering where her thoughts are. I could ask her, but of course, people must be left with their own thoughts in the last day of their life. Another image pass through my mind. Is one of a very young guy- he was barely 16 years old. Dark hair, silver eyes, almost ethereal. i remember him because he was one of the very few I've tried to save. He knew nothing about wars or battles but he was more than willing to fight. He truly believed we are going to win over the "bloodthirsty invaders". Well, optimism of the young agem, I guess.I've tried to tell him that war was nothing like he heard in old tales from his village- it was painful, many people die, some stay alive but they wish they've died instead. He was still willing to fight- and my commander rationality took over- we 'had very few volunteers anyway, as no matter what our leaders tried to tell the masses, most people knew the truth. We were vastly outnumbered and they were already in our territories. Few people wanted to be willing sacrifices. So, if he wanted to fight.....well, he will be sent in the fight. Even if it was a pity he was going to die so young. Because I already knew he was going to die. The only question was when.....he died four days later, one of the first killed in a surprise attack. I guess that if Segolin really exists, he will ask me today about him...my only answer would be that I've done what I thought I have to do.