Members proving themselves

Discussion in 'Violators and Violations (Possible Ones)' started by karmashines, Apr 27, 2006.

  1. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Do new members have to prove themselves in order to be able to be viewed without suspicion by the management here?

    If a variety of threads are allowed and a person responds respectfully, even if that opinion is different along with their lifestyle (in some cases), then is that enough to be treated like other members?

    The reason I ask this is because there is a new member onboard, Mayn, who I know because she communicated with me through email in response to a post long ago. She has ideas for activism that she would like to share, but because she wants it to be a real life venture where she will have to meet people face-to-face, she is unsure how people will respond to her situation, (being in an IR). This is based on her readings of some of the opinions of the board here, (she has read a lot of the posts but didn't post until now). She has also shared her ideas with Isaiah via email.

    I had suggested she give her situation in the Beethoven thread because when I disclosed my relationship it was also on a thread relating to a discussion topic.... I didn't feel anything adverse when I did it at the time, which is why I thought she would be received similarly.

    If my advice was wrong and there is a more appropriate way for members such as herself to share, please let me know.
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hate to burst your bubble Karma. But a new member who comes to a black forum (dedicated to teaching, loving, and building with other blacks), and says "Hi I'm in an IR" in their very first post is going to be questioned. If you invited this person, then surely you'd already know that. Now if Mayn has ideas for activism, certainly the Beethoven thread isn't the place for them. Why was that thread her 1st interest? Furthermore why did you feel obligated to direct her there? What you consider intimidation are legitimate questions. You and everyone who has been a longtime member of this website are well aware that Destee.com doesn't promote IR. Yet you seem to be determined to promote it (and now are apparently recruiting others to help you). Clearly that agenda is more important to you than so called "pro black" activism.
     
  3. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I could argue other people's agendas are to force their opinions down people's throats.

    Regardless, like I said when I was a new member I disclosed my relationship on a thread like the Beethoven one. Nobody gave me a bad reception, and I had very few posts at the time. I thought considering her situation, this was the best way to go.

    You look through people through generalizations, so you're always going to think I have an 'agenda'. No matter WHAT I say, you judge me through your own lenses. At this point, I don't care, particularly when I was looking for DESTEE's opinion, since she's the owner of the site. I am ONLY concerned if SHE thinks otherwise, and if she does she can do what she feels is appropriate.

    Destee told me if you have a concern about management to go to the management thread, and that's what I did.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Karmashines ... the only suspicion that a Member, old or new, should be concerned about from Management, is if they are breaking our rules or on the verge of doing so.

    It appears that you're under the impression that the "Management" of this community has an agenda other than ... We Are About Loving, Encouraging, Embracing, Teaching and Building With Our People. No Hate Allowed. ... but that is not true.

    Moderators are Members too. Matter of fact, they were Members first, sharing their opinion in the community like everyone else. When one becomes a Moderator, they don't stop being a Member. They are still allowed to share their opinion. That opinion of theirs, means no more than anyone else's here, as it relates to the discussions. Even my opinion doesn't mean any more than anyone else's. We are all entitled to our opinions, including Moderators.

    You keep bringing this up, as though you're feeling threatened that you or others, aren't free to share your thoughts. You most certainly are, as long as it's done respectfully and such ... which you always do.

    Quit letting these folk shake you Sister. Everyone is not going to embrace you, whether here or anywhere in the world, no matter what you do. I asked my Elderly Great Aunt Jo did she love me, and she said ... "You think sum bodee gonna love you jes' 'cause you was sh*t out into this world?!" ... while it hurt me to hear that from my Aunt, it was the truth! Likewise, you're not going to embrace every Member and every opinion they share. It's okay, that's allowed.

    Really Sister ... don't let someone's challenge to your posts bother you. If you find yourself feeling any kinda way negative, uncomfortable, uneasy, etc., regarding the feedback you get here, maybe you might wanna step back a little. Put some distance between you and the discussions if necessary, at least the ones that affect you this way.

    There are some discussions that i am reluctant to take part in, because i know how sensitive and passionate i am regarding those topics. I know how easy it will be for someone to hurt my feelings. There's been quite a few times that i've composed a response, and then wiped it out, because i knew i would not be able to handle the diverse (and what i might consider negative) opinions that were sure to come. Choose your battles wisely. You're on a discussion forum where folk talk about everything that's presented, even picking it apart if they want.

    You're a positive Sister, and it's a pleasure having you with us.


    Again Sister ... every Member is given the opportunity to register, post, share, etc. No one is denied that. Are you suggesting that someone has been denied that?

    Your question is kinda vague and ify, but yes, every Member is treated like all other Members when it comes to the Management of this community. We don't have special rules for different Members, depending on their opnion. Please if you can, separate the Management of this community, from the Moderator's personal opinions in the discussions, as they are not one and the same.

    I don't even agree with everything that all Moderators say in the discussions, but that has no reflection on their ability to fairly moderate this community.


    Sister Karmashines ... if our new Member Mayn wants to share their ideas, hopes, and dreams for our people ... she is as welcome to do that as anyone else. We encourage all Members to share, to post, to take part in the discussions. I'm not psychic. I can't tell how every single Member will respond to what's presented here, but i do know that they will be respectful, as that is required.

    I don't see anything wrong with your advice.

    I hope i've answered your questions, but if i haven't, come on back! :)

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Thank you for your kind response, Destee.

    I understand that moderators are human and give their opinions... but sometimes they are given in a way that one might feel go beyond the realm of debate. The issue upsets me because I don't feel it's resolved... and it's not a matter of a different opinion. There have been many adverse opinions shared that didn't offend me because I didn't perceive them to be directed at me. But when someone says blatently, you have an agenda, or let us that want to build with blacks, or questions why you have posted on one thread over another, (implying you must be doing something against the site), it is VERY difficult to keep composure, particularly when it's management. I don't think I should have to account for what and how I post when in my 2,000+ comments I feel I have followed the rules, including adhering to the logo. And this type of thing only seems to happen when I disagree and ardently argue my points in a manner no different than any other member.

    I honestly can't see if someone is making a comment that they know others are going to adamently disagree with, especially if it's posed as a generalization, why it's so unreasonable to think people aren't going to argue with examples going against that generalization. I've had people do that with me when I talk about Christianity, which now I am more sensitive to. I'm more likely to say "some" or "my experience," because I don't want to purposefully offend a demographic represented on the board. I don't agree with it, but I don't penalize or hate them for choices that have worked for them in their lives.

    To my knowledge, I cannot block a moderator's comments... if it was regular member that debated in a way that I felt was going too far, I could use the ignore function.
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    You're very welcome Sister! :love:


    Sister Karmashines ... how does an opinion on a discussion forum, go beyond the realm of debate? Where is the realm of debate? How do you determine one's gone beyond it? If you and they are sharing your opinions, and no one is breaking a rule, how does the line get crossed? I'm kinda stumped on this one. And then when it is crossed, is that a violation? Should we add a new rule to our few rules, going beyond the realm of debate, is now not allowed? Are you saying that Moderators should be limited, as it relates to their opinions in these discussions?

    I guess i'm asking all these questions because i don't have any hard evidence to look at. You say they've said things to you, that you feel go beyond the realm of debate. Would you mind sharing some specific examples, links, to those comments by Moderators, so i can more properly address your concern?

    That's true, Members can't block Moderators. It's never come up before, but under the circumstances, i may have to make an adjustment or two. We'll continue to try and resolve this here, before considering this change.

    Looking forward to your response.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    To Destee:

    I also wanted to add that having heard the ideas from the member in question, I want her to feel assured she can share, especially considering what I have just told you above how I have felt.

    That particular member has told me she wants to test the waters of the board for a little while, then when she feels is appropriate share her activist ideas and contribute financially to the site; not really a pattern any different from others who have joined.
     
  8. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    Well, the comments that made me feel that way were a while back, but the most recent is this one:

    This was said right in this very thread... these are generalizations against my character that do not match what I think nor feel. It is highly antagonistic even if it doesn't say directly, "You're a self-hater who doesn't belong here." Why do I have to fight against assumptions directed at me personally?

    I don't consider responding to a thread about IR and inviting someone who is an IR promoting it. She's read the posts and knows it's black, but on the same token it's been stated that people such as herself and myself are allowed. I don't think it's unreasonable that we will give our opinions on it when it's warranted.

    It would be one thing if I talked about that in every single post... I don't. I only talk about it in the appropriate thread, or when someone makes a generalization about a demographic that affects me, or I am encountered with a comment like this. If it weren't for the IR threads, including the Pro-black & IR thread, nobody would know my situation because I don't make it the center of my life.
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Right Sister ... this is no different than any other Member who has joined us, for the most part.

    Advance permission is not needed to do any of the above.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  10. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    seconding "concerns" about a moderator

    this ain't about "piling on", but about a complete agreement with where this particular finger is being pointed!! additionally, this legitimate "comment" about a member of the moderation team has not been addressed in the same timely fashion as the rest of the thread. unfortunately, one might almost feel that there could possibly exist a pattern of this. (i'd really just as soon not come straight out with "accusations", (or however one wants to say it), because i have always felt that if one can't say something nice, don't say anything - so i usually don't. but when it gets as blatant as this, as it usually does, well; why not. particularly when things like this are what has caused the [oh, i do so hope/wish it is!!] temporary cessation of my financial support.)

    and, no; i will not go find specific threads/posts where this behavior has occurred given that, as mentioned, here is one right here. and they are always exactly like this, delivered in exactly the same tone, with exactly the same underlying "sneer". sure, the words, in and of themselves, seem to be kinda-sorta-mostly ok, but they always seem to come across really badly. as to why i haven't said anything previously? refer back to my "timeliness" comment above, please.

    next time it is asked where i've been, think about these points, please.

    my apologies, karmashines, if my comments muddy the waters any!

     
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