A Solution for Broken Relationships. Some of the most honest and intelligent dialogues about Black relationships take place not in our churches, or in our bedrooms, but in our beauty salons and barber shops around the nation. It is there that Men discuss with Men, and Women discuss with Women- the issues that are paramount to our sanity and mental health. In a deep metaphysical way- it makes sense- that in the place where we go to get our "hair right" we should also get our heads right as well. It was inside a Barbershop that I heard something that directly impacted the methods to which I used to judge my own relationships and the Women who influenced me. Ironically the message was delivered by a Man that very rarely spoke, and even when he did speak it was hard to understand him due to his unique southern accent. Sometimes he was drunk, and he had a terrible habit of mixing his alcohol or beer inside a can of Red Bull. One day, as all the Men sat around listening to the head Barber complain about his child's Mother- and how she became even more vindictive after he meet a new Woman and decided to get married and have another child- the Red Bull Drunk decided to insert some of his elder Wisdom. Afterall, drunk or not- he was an Elder and everyone respected him. "You know what I think, I think it's like matching luggage. If the Man and the Woman have the same problems they should be able to get along, cause they share the same problems, they got the same luggage." He walked off and no one really paid any attention to what he said, because no one really understood what he said, at the time neither did I. In most cases when someone is speaking to me, I can literally "see" what they are saying. It wasn't until later on that day, that I had a vision of what this Man was trying to tell us. I saw a Black Man at the airport pulling along some luggage, and as he got in the line to check in- he saw a Black Woman with the same luggage. They smiled at each other, and this matching luggage started a conversation. "I bought mine at Sears" he says to her. "I did too." She replies. It so happens that they are going on the same flight, and managed to pick out seats next to one another. Looking at it as more of a coincidence, the two begin talking and exchanging stories and life profiles. They are so much of a match for one another, yet the sad reality is that at the end of the flight they must depart from each other and go their separate ways. But perhaps, God willing- with the exchange of each other's phone numbers- they will be able to create a relationship from just that small meeting of fate. Obviously the Elder's story had more to do with "baggage" than actual luggage. But it's still an interesting concept either way. When I think back to my own relationships, especially the terrible ones, the ones that I recall and say to myself- "why was I with this person?" I have to admit that this person and I did not have "matching luggage." She had her own set of problems and issues, and I had my own set. So it was almost impossible for us to work anything out together. But this is still odd. You see, the Universe at least tries it's best to match people up by attraction. And when we are attracted to one another it means we share similarities, or are at least different in the same ways. However the baggage or luggage we are speaking of are not always burdens or problems we carry along the trip with us, but also our unfulfilled dreams. We carry them because we still have use for them, in many ways we still need them. So even though the Universe might match us up based on attraction, we don't always acknowledge that feature inside ourselves as the base of that attraction. When two people meet, on a spiritual level we are saying to each other- "I am here to assist the manifestation of your dream, and to assist the solving of your problems." This is true for the Black Man and Black Woman meeting in the airport of life. Carrying the same luggage means they are trying to manifest similar dreams, and solve similar problems. What is taking place today in our society is that we are no longer acknowledging this as a core element in Human relations. Everyone is saying "I don't want to be used." Then, for what other reason are we alive? Welcome to planet Earth. There is no other reason to exist, but to be used in some way for some purpose. Today we have so many people who have compacted and complicated their lives with useless nonsense, distractions they have used to define themselves and their relationships. These things are so compressed around them, that they cannot see the elements that have attracted and is attracting their mates in the first place. If we share our problems we can fix them, if we share our dreams we can manifest them better- and that is what "matching luggage" is all about. Personally, what I am tired of- is seeing Black Man pass up healthy and intelligent Women for Women who are young, naive, goal-less, and whose only asset, is their ***-et. You will hear these Men complaining later on in the Barbershops too. Complaining because a Woman with no aspirations and no desire to solve any problems through reasonable means- even with a pretty face and a voluptuous body is still an anchor. I tired also of so-called smart Black Women who choose the Thugged-out couch potato over the strong willed Black Brotha with a clear mind. We can easedrop on their conversations in the Beauty Shops too. Somewhere between the illusions of being able to change a Toad into a Prince, and drug Dealer into a "Saved" Brotha- most of these Women only end up with the bill at the end of the evening. Still, these are our own personal mistakes to deal with, learn from and evolve from. Yet we must be accepting of our mistakes in order to learn from them. And to be strong enough to admit our wrongs and change our habits of attraction. There are so many of us searching for a significant other, when we really should be searching for significant others. Matching luggage does not just pertain to couples, but families, communities and nations as well. There are too many depressed Black Women and single Black Mothers walking around willing to surrender to anyone that will take away their aloneness and void of a companion. Single Black Mothers can be adopted into families that could use their love and support and vise versa. Single Mothers can network and create their own families and communities of Mothers. How did "waiting and hoping" become such a disease among us, when we have all the intelligence and imagination to create the solutions to mend our broken relationships? Black Men as well share in this same equation. So many of us search for good Women but we should help to create communities where these good Women exist within. But if we constantly lend our energy and brain power to concepts and ideals that in fact aid the breaking down of "good Women" how then can these Women continue to exist? Naturally they will have to resort to the level of Women we despise in order to survive. Matching Luggage is a concept that says to us, those of us who share the same problems and wish to manifest the same dreams- should find each other. The concept works for all levels of relationships. Most importantly - The luggage you are pulling around with you, taking with you in every place you arrive- you have to admit is not unique. It is in fact handed off to you. All our problems and our dreams are given to us by those who are no longer here. So here we are fighting on an individual level to change something that is collectively created- how do we expect to win? What makes better sense, is that we open ourselves up to the idea that, a successful relationship can be built around the desire to solve problems together and manifest dreams together. A Man and a Woman should be able to recognize qualities in their mate that will potentially assist solutions. Furthermore, if it is not your wish to be used, then you should not be here. What do we call someone or something that cannot be used? We call them - useless. I continued to have this vision about the Black Man and the Black Woman at the airport with the matching luggage. They had such a strong connection on the plane, still- they were going in different directions once the plane landed. The energy between them was too pleasant for them not to exchange business cards. She noticed he was a Film producer from his card, and He noticed she was a Makeup Artist from hers. The walked away from each other, hoping to see each other again, but not really betting on it, unsure of the feelings they were sensing during the trip. Even though they were both at baggage claim, they hid childishly away from each other, trying to ease the pain of the departure- lovers found, but still strangers. The Man grabbed his luggage and the Woman grabbed hers. Both speeding away as quickly as possible to the nearest cab. The relationship along with life is a journey within a journey. She sits during the cab ride, pretending a life style with a Man she just met moments ago, a Man she may never see again. She sees them working together and raising children together. But her visions are molested by the shadows of her past, the imagery of her abusive Father and hateful Mother. He sits in his cab thinking about her as well. Wishing he had the nerve at least to lay his head on her shoulder during the flight, perhaps even a small moment of physical contact would've made the pain less horrifying. The pain of leaving the Woman of his dreams. He sits starring at the her business card, and a number he would never call. Afraid of a relationship after so many failed ones. The divorces, the child support payments, the division of property, the restraining orders. They both arrive at Hotels several miles away from each other but in the same city. Once in his room, the Man opens his luggage to find that it is not his own. The key fits, but the contents are different. At first glance, lace underwears and small pink tshirts lay folded at the top. Tucked at the side, a manuscript titled "Healing the Past, Saving the Present" falls out and scattered on the floor. He then realizes that he will have to call his previous flight companion after all. He clicks his cell phone to talk, and she is already on the another end. "So you're a writer" they both say at the same time. Apparently she also opened his suitcase, finding a book he self published a year ago also about healing from the past. They decide to met up later on that night for coffee, to exchange luggage and to try to the best of their ability to create a life together. The logic for them is simple, if "God" put in this much work to get us to meet, then that same amount of work is required to keep us together. While this is only a story, it has happened millions of times already. You see the Black Woman is the result of a failed relationship between a Man and a Woman who could not get along. The abusive Father and the Hateful Mother. yet she learned how to heal herself, and therefore solved a problem that many of us face. The Black Man was part of many failed relationships, and learned from his past also. The cosmos matched them up based on this ability and also because of the dreams they were able to manifest. The "key" is our ability to recognize this, not denying our problems and dreams and using that acknowledgment to bring about healing.