Black Women : Married ladies-you and your female friends

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by lcw1969, Oct 9, 2010.

  1. lcw1969

    lcw1969 Member MEMBER

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    I actually got the idea for this question from another site I like to frequent.

    I realize that ppl come into our lives at various stages and for whatever reason, some stay for the long haul and some just fade away.


    Did some of your friendships change after you were married?-Do you find yourself still hanging a lot with your single friends, or do you prefer couples?

    I have a few single friends, but only two who I really use to hang with all the time, but for reasons listed below we don't hang like we use to. The only "couple" I hang with is my husband's brother and sister in law.


    Did some of your single friends start acting "funny"? I have a friend who I am really surprised about how she is acting since I got married, she and I were pretty close, we spoke at least twice a week b/4 I got married and a few times after I married, but now, she is MIA and I don't know what happened. But to be fair I have a married friend I don't speak to as much either, but at least she is not avoiding me.

    Depending on your age, do your friendships differ from when you were 20 vs 40? (i'm 41)

    Ok, I guess my carefree days are over and I am now feeling it, ppl have their lives to live and children to tend to etc. When I was single, I was available to everyone, at least when I wanted to be, but now my life is kind of contained in my own little world with my husband, any other women know what I mean? I'm thinking I want the best of both worlds, i'm kind of missing my carefree days. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and love being married, but i'm a little dismayed by how some of my once close friends are acting. Anybody else experienced this, please share. :10500:
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    good question , love to hear what married sisters have to say !
     
  3. lcw1969

    lcw1969 Member MEMBER

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    Me too. A co-worker of mine is kind of having the same problem with one of her girlfriends, but I wanted more feedback.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    And we await for some sister to speak up !
     
  5. sage.essence

    sage.essence New Member MEMBER

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    Well I know the last post was a while ago but I will be brave and speak up. I would have to say that the majority of my friendships have pretty much stayed the same. However, there have been a couple friendships that have actually ended as a result. I was saddened about it when it happened because we had been friends for a long time, but then I thought about when my big sister told me. She said that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. I suppose that was the case with the relationships that I lost. I could be wrong, but I feel that it really shouldn't matter whether you're married or not to someone who is a true friend. Yes, I will admit that the relationship has to change a bit. I mean the situation changes with a marriage. In my case, my personality sort of changed, in a positive way. But I also believe that a strong friendship strengthens as a result. I actually feel like I grew closer to my circle of friends. I think true friends in return help to strengthen a marriage as well. When my husband and I have had little rough patches, my friends have been there to remind me of what I have and what I don't want to lose. And my husband has done the same in return toward them. I know that not everyone is the same, but I think communication is key. Of course you might not have as much time to spend hanging out with them like you normally do before saying "I do", but I really think that by reassuring them that they are still very important to you, and also by making time for them and for yourself, a mature adult will be more understanding and supportive of your circumstances. If not, then sad as this may be to say, maybe your friends aren't the same friends that you thought. Just being real. I hope this reaches yall in a positive and thanks for reading....
     
  6. sage.essence

    sage.essence New Member MEMBER

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    Oh and about the age thing. I cannot speak past my 20s since I am only 23, but if it counts, a lot of the relationships from my teenage and college years have changed significantly. I have been married for a year and a half, but I really don't feel that marriage is what changed those relationships. They changed or drifted because I changed. I nowadays prefer to be associated with older more mature people than people my own age or younger. Nothing against them, but I never really felt completely comfortable around them in the first place to be honest. Maybe that's why I'm more outgoing now than I ever was back then. I credit it to being raised by grandparents who left me with this old spirit that only a mature person seems to be able to relate to. I think that will probably continue as I get older. Truthfully, if a relationship changes as I get older and wiser, then it's just meant to be. We have to change and evolve, and if we don't have the friends who are doing the same then we may be better off without them anyway. I'm not trying to be cold or anything, but life is too short to sweat circumstances that are beyond our control. While I hope and pray that my friends grow with me, ultimately we all have to live the way we see fit.
     
  7. TXDiamond

    TXDiamond Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Although I am still friends with my single friends, we don’t hang out like we use to. I feel it has more to do with the fact that I am married and no longer available. In other words, we are not looking for the same things. Some of my single friends love to go out and mingle with men. As a married woman, it would not be proper for me to engage in conversation with single men who are looking for only one thing. Don’t get me wrong it is okay to hold a conversation when it is innocent. However, some of these men are looking for more. Besides, I love spending time with my husband and children.
     
  8. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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