Black Relationships : MARRIAGE, THE LOST COVENANT

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by oldsoul, May 4, 2007.

  1. OldSoul

    OldSoul Permanent Black Man PREMIUM MEMBER

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    MARRIAGE, THE LOST COVENANT
    Why Marriages Fail: VIEWS ON MARRIAGE TODAY

    What once was seen as a sacred holy union, is now viewed as an institution of repression. Since the 1990’s many of society's assumptions about the nature and purpose of marriage and family have been challenged. Some people argue that marriage may be an unnecessary legal fiction and this has lead to the disruption of traditional families life especially in the West. Since World War II the West has seen a dramatic increase in:
    · divorce (from 6% to over 40% of first marriages),
    · cohabitation without marriage, which equals a growing unmarried population
    · children born outside of marriage (from 5% to over 33% of births)
    · an increase in adultery (from 8% to over 40%).

    WHAT HAPPENED TO MARRIAGE?
    Why do so many men and women who truly believed that their partners were soul mates and lovers for life, end up opponents in the divorce court? The answers to those questions are not complicated at all.
    Reasons for failure:
    They didn’t properly get to know each other – whirlwind romances, love at first sight, and all that soaps and TV dramas nonsense.
    Made false assumptions about the other – we all have a picture of perfection and initially transfer these images onto our loved one.
    Did not know the “Art of Communication” – it is alarming how so many of those currently in relationships expect their minds to be read.
    Had a defective/bad character – hidden neuroses & concealed character disorders, which are only revealed with time. This is why it’s good to take things slow.
    Brought harmful baggage or unresolved issues into their union – unchecked baggage carried over from other relationships or past traumas
    Married for the wrong reason(s) – money, fear of loneliness, and biological clocks!
    Had unrealistic marital expectations – one person’s idea of marriage may have been very different from their partner and wasn’t initially discussed.
    Harbored bitterness toward the opposite sex – the old clichés; men are dogs; women cannot be trusted.

    WHY IS IT LIKE THIS?
    When you analyze the reasons behind the break up of a large number of marriages, you will come to the realization that its the individual’s motives that are to blame, not the institution of marriage itself. They blame:
    [a] The opposite sex, (i.e. all men are dogs - there are no good women)
    [b ] They start claiming marriage is obsolete
    [c] Their belief that no one can be trusted
    [d] They blame God, religion, the church morality or their family & up-bringing
    [e] They falsely claim that no marriage is meant to last

    WHAT HAS REPLACED IT?
    Marriage has been replaced by ‘cohabitation’. There are those who are definitely all for this because of certain material advantages, and those who are totally against it for religious reasons. Cohabitation is defined as an emotional, physical, and intellectually intimate relationship which includes a common abode and which exists without the benefit of legal, cultural, or religious approval. The cohabiting population, although inclusive of all ages, is mainly made up of those between the ages of 25 and 34. Several common reasons for couples to decide to live together include wanting to test compatibility before marrying, living with someone before marriage as a good way to avoid divorce, and/or seeing little difference between the commitment to live together and the commitment to marriage. But the three main reasons mostly used by cohabiting couples are: companionship, sexual gratification, and economic gain. Years ago in the traditional Western World, a man and a woman who lived together without being married were socially shunned; in some areas, this was even illegal. Today, cohabitation is a common (if not a majority) pattern among younger people, especially those who desire marriage but whose financial situation temporarily precludes it.

    For some people, cohabitation is a way to see if the relationship is good and solid before making the step towards marriage. They try to assess their compatibility with their partner.
    · Initially, nearly 75% of these couples plan to marry but only less than half actually do.
    · Cohabiter marriages have an 80% higher dissolution rate than non-cohabiter marriages.
    · About 40% of relationships end within five years of cohabiting and 5 out of 6 relationships do not even make it to three years.
    · On average, most cohabiting relationships last two years before marriage or a break up; and 63% of cohabiting couples separate.
    · Only about 10% continue to simply live together.
    · The negatives of cohabitation is that it decreases the probability of marriage statistics.
    · Recent social science research has discovered that premarital cohabitation is related to undesirable marital outcomes such as a higher risk of marital dissolution, greater marital disagreement and instability, less time spent together in shared activities, and less supportive behavior.
    · It has also been found that men who live with women they eventually marry aren't as committed to the union as those who didn't live with their mates before tying the knot.

    There are then those who opt for the casual relationship, also referred to as a friend with benefits, or fu** buddies. A casual relationship is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who engage in uncommitted sex acts. The intent is generally to relieve sexual frustrations.
    In many cases, both parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other persons, however some people choose to have exclusive casual relationships. These types of relationships effectively give the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. Two people may elect to become friends with benefits because they are unwilling to commit to a full-fledged relationship or long term relationship for whatever reason.

    DON’T LOSE HOPE
    Don’t be discouraged by the alarming negative statistics and don’t lose faith in holy matrimony. Without a doubt, marriage is one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make in life, and it’s an institution that still works just fine.

    Do matrimony the right way! Become the right mate and learn how to choose the right mate. Prepare yourself for your mate by embracing godly morals and family values. Examine your personal beliefs and attitudes about the opposite sex and matrimony and adjust or eliminate any beliefs, feelings or opinions that would hinder you from experiencing a vibrant and healthy union. Keep the faith and true love will find you!

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."—1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    The Magnificent Garden of High Esteem

    From: Souljah Exclusive Newsletter #2 [email protected]
     
  2. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    marriage,the lost covenant..

    i often refer to it as-marriage the lost continent..and i'm STILL trying to find my way home.
     
  3. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Youre right :star: :star:



    haleluyah..


    speak brother :heart:



    lets teach the next generation...!






    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
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