Black Relationships : man sharing: dilemma or choice

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by ladylibra, Jun 29, 2005.

  1. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    a radical new way of relating to the men in your life - by Audrey Chapman

    hi ladies,

    have any of you read this book? if so, what's your take on it? is it dilemma (that age old saying that MOST men will/are unfaithful)? or choice (that terrible mentality or low self esteem that some women have)?

    mine:
    i was intrigued and sad all at once. intrigued b/c i wanted to be informed and saddened b/c there IS a need for such a book.


    btw- i don't like sharing....at least not knowingly :jawdrop:
     
  2. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    LADYLIBRA

    I haven't taken the opportunity to welcome you to the site. So, here goes.

    WELCOME...WELCOME...WELCOME. I see you've jumped right in and are sharing and participating and doing your "natural born thang." I'm loving your style. Also, thanks for all the great questions that you are posting. I love them all.

    Now, to give my input on this issue...although you asked the ladies. :lol:

    On second thought, I'll reserve that.

    Welcome to the Family, sweetheart. :grouphug:

    :kiss:
     
  3. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    (((((monetary)))))))))

    :hi:
    i appreciate your warm welcome, really, made my day!


    for some reason i'm in an inquisitive zone today....so, in other words, i'll be posting my little heart away today (LOL!)

    yeah, i tend to get in where i fit in BUT i did lurk for a minute to get "a feel of this community" and it goes without saying that i feel good.
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ms. Chapman's book has been out for sometime. I think mansharing should be a choice. Indeed such a relationship has to be voluntary. If it is not voluntary, then you are being cheated on, which no one should stand for. I don't think mansharing is necessary, although I have no problems with women who choose to do so. With enough patience, and with wise decision making...many women can find a man willing to be committed to them (and them only).
     
  5. indya

    indya Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man sharing for me would never be an option.

    I need a man who is dedicated to me and our family and he can't do that if he's concerned with another woman and their children. Also I think financially this would be a minefield.
     
  6. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    I continue to find the concept of "man sharing"--moreso the fact that it would even need to be considere--rather absurd, especially when there are numerous brothers who are having trouble finding a suitable mate amongst the female populace.

    The solution to this problem, IMO, lies in the hands of women, who would be much better off, if they took a more assertive stance in procuring a mate for themselves.

    If 10 people were hungry, and there was only enough food for 4 or 5 people, then those who are going to wait to be fed are not going to eat.

    PEACE
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very true, when it comes to mate selection...the ball is almost entirely in the woman's court. A large portion of many women's difficulty in finding a man, is that they restrict themselves to standards which only a small portion of men fall under!

    P,S, Welcome back brother Samurai36!
     
  8. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    interesting responses.....

    there were a couple of times were i just knew i was dating "THE ONE" only to find out that he was a cheat too.

    what is my selection process?
    i've always subscribed to the belief: don't seek/ask for anything in a mate that i don't possess in myself. i believe this mode of thinking/selection is fair, realistic, & sound. although i think i'm on the right track it still has not deterred my ex-boyfriends from cheating thus making me apart of the man-sharing dilemma irregardless of my "selection" process. understand?

    said all that to say that it's not entirely in the "woman's court" and that before deciding to enter into a committment that the man should seriously consider if he can be faithful/honest and not just think of himself.

    women who did the best "selecting" she could do are man-sharing every single day whether they know it or not....
     
  9. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    That is most unfortunate, but that does not speak for or against the issue at hand.

    The fact that you would have to ask this, gives light to the issue at hand. Most women don't even realize that they are just as (if not moreso) responsible for their social happiness, as a man is for his own.

    Would you expect for a man to ask this same question of you? How would you respond to him if you did?


    This is stated, as if the same premise does not apply to men, who are actively seeking/pursuing a woman, and it falls through, despite their best efforts in their selection process.

    Taking my hunger and food analogy to the next level:

    Lions in the jungle carry out very meticulous "catch-and-kill" maneuvers in order to procure their prey.

    But that doesn't always mean that they are always successful, despite the best laid plans--nor does it mean that their plan is not sound. Other factors are always going to appear every now and then, as variables that deter from success.

    The irony of this, is that it's mostly LIONESSES (female lions) that do most of the hunting in prides; the males only most scavenge for food, and steal fresh kills from other animals (Jackals, Hyenas and such).

    It's not a coincidence that this can be seen as a parallel for our people and inter-gender relations.

    The ball will never be in the "woman's court", as long as people continue to subscribe to the outmoded and myopic from the very beginning ideals that soceity has forced upon us, that men are to be the pursuers, and that women are to sit patiently to be "caught".

    The "hunter" mentality does not turn itself off, after just one hunt, despite how great the "kill" was. Once anything is trained to hunt, then it will do so, whether it is hungry or not.

    Did you know that many predators will play hunting games with their prey? Catching and killing something, just to keep their hunting skills sharp and primed.

    If you do not wish to see a man (YOUR MAN) act in this manner, then don't force men into this psycho-sociological precedent.

    You are a human being, who is as responsible for her own destiny, as anyone else is responsible for theirs.

    When your refrigerator is empty, whom are you expecting to fill it up for you?

    Your choice (re: CHOOSING) of a mate and love should be no different in relevance than your choice of living (food, clothing, shelter, etc).

    The power is still being needlessly given to the man here, despite the fact that the woman is infinitely potentially more powerful than the man is.

    Perception is key.

    Women let men dictate the "rules of the hunt" to them, when it should be the other way around.

    Does the Gazelle in the jungle give the Lion quarter, or a head start in catching it?

    Adversely, if a lion were to rarely or never catch a prey, whose fault is that? Are the zebras simply too fast for him?

    How many times have you blatantly stated to a man "I LIKE YOU" after your initial meeting, without fear of what his response might be?

    Regardless of your answer, how many women expect a man to do this, without fear of respite?

    Everything in nature must adhere to a balance, including us.

    We have been taken out of balance by various factors, and as a result, our relationships are gravely suffering.

    "Man-sharing" is not a natural response to an unnatural dilemma.

    PEACE
     
  10. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow

    hi samurai:

    from reading your response to my post i think that you may have misunderstood to a large degree what i wrote.


    the issue at hand (and in real life) is man-sharing and my post is relative. why do you say it isn't for or against the issue at hand?

    if you notice....while i did ask this question i also ANSWERED this question. I apologize if you thought i was asking the board this question for i was not.

    i do not agree that i sent the message that MY OWN BELIEFS could not apply to men. how did you draw that conclusion???

    it is MY belief that if you take away the "chase" element from a man; you do him an injustice. i reiterate again that this is MY own belief.

    i do not give my power away to men....that's why i have been deceived...no need for deceit when you freely hand over power, is it?

    i hope i did not even so much as hint that i thought for one nano-second that man-sharing was alright but my ex did.....


    anyway, thanks for your response. you know something? i actually printed it so that i can digest it and discuss it with a guy friend that i'm always bouncing thoughts/feelings/ideas off of.
     
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