Black Relationships : males opinions on dating single mothers

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by LovelyGoldenOne, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am about to give birth to a little girl in about 5 days or less and I was sitting down thinking the other day...What if me and my boyfriend don't work out? We have a great relationship right now, one of the best I've ever had and he is a good man that I thank God everyday for. But I have learned from past relationships that sometimes life doesn't turn out like you want it to. So I was wondering if we didn't work out and I found myself ready to date again, how men would react to me having a child. I am 21 years old, a college senior and on my way to a good career to provide comfortably for me and my daughter, I consider myself attractive and intelligent and I don't see myself as the typical "baby momma". I like the whole dating scene when I am ready to explore.

    basically I want guys opinions, would you date or consider dating a woman with one child? Or even a woman with more than one child? (I plan for this little girl to be my first and last!)

    let me know what you think!
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    not a problem......but why are you thinking like this right now?
     
  3. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    my good girl friend and i were having a discussion the other day about this topic and i was just curious...thats all
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i never had a problem wit it (unless the kid wanna stay up and watch) :baby:
     
  5. ShemsiEnTehuti

    ShemsiEnTehuti Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To be honest, I think of myself as someone with a lot to offer a woman and future children. I don't want it to be wasted on a woman who has "baby daddy drama". I have witnessed often times when a "good man" comes into a woman's life with a child (or children), then baby-daddy comes into the picture acting all crazy talking about, "I don't want him around my baby" screaming outside at 1am.

    Then there is just the idea of raising another man's child. I'm sorry, but the woman would have to be very special, or doing something very right, for me to do that.
     
  6. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well thanks for your opinion and u are entitled to that...i understand where you are coming from, but at the same time you can't stereotype everybodys "baby daddys" and lump them all into the same categories. i have been guilty of doing that, because one of the reasons i left my ex was because he had a child and didn't feel like dealing with that baggage...
    In my opinion it takes a special man to have the courage and step up to seriously date a single mom...and my opinions on this topic have changed greatly since i became pregnant...i used to think i was above women who had kids because i didn't have any...and i can honestly say that you shouldn't judge something before you go through it, because i believe my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me...

    again thanks for your opinion~
     
  7. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    Because I am a single childless man, who has attempted to date women with children, I have all but sworn off attempting to date single mothers.

    When you are single, and wish to do different things (travel, etc), it proves extremely difficult to do so, when a child is involved.

    Not that I am necessarily a "spontaneous" person, but oftentimes, chances for spontaneity are lessened. Things ranging from going out to a movie, to planning vacations are difficult; you either have to pay for someone to watch the child(ren), or you have to take them with you.

    Both choices can be costly; sometimes moreso if you take them with you. Going to the movies is difficult with children, because children are SELDOM quiet in movie theaters......I know how I feel when someone brings a noisy child into a theater, and I am equally annoyed with I am that person that is doing this.

    Also, as a single man that lives alone, I can roam about my house "as I please"...... You can't do that with children around, who are nosy to the highest degree. Besides, I think it's just disrespectful to do that in the presence of children.

    Certain sacrifices have to be made whenever children are brought into the picture, and the reality is that not all people are ready to make that sacrifice, nor should they have to.

    Also, it almost never fails, that conflicts arise with the father of the child(ren). I don't have to go into detail with this.

    I am almost 35 years old, and I personally have been careful not to sire any children with a woman, because I am not to the place (mentally, nor economically) where I am ready nor willing to take on this responsibility.

    That's why I usually date older women (early to mid 40's), because they are not likely to have children at this point, and/or they have already had them, and they have grown up and moved out.

    I also think that people of like minds and situations are better paired together. Who better to understand and appreciate a woman with children, than a man with children? While I'm sure there are exceptions to this, I just don't think that a single, childless man is a proper candidate to take over in the absence of another man, in a relationship with a single mother.

    While procreation is indeed a blessing, it's also a huge responsibility. While it is rather unfortunate that women are often left with the lion's share of responsibility with child raising, it is for this reason all the more, that I think women should be fare more scrutinous, when it comes to having children with just anybody.

    I will say this: IF I ever have children, it will be with a woman that is far more than just as "girlfriend". Otherwise, I will be content to never become a "daddy".

    PEACE
     
  8. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I appreciate your opinion as well...you had some very good points. If a person is not ready to take on that responsibility, they aren't right for a single mother. I think having a child while dating will help me separate the boys from the men. Because I have learned not to fall into those traps some guys can lay and also I wouldn't want just any old man around my daughter(there are some perverts out there!)
    I personally didn't want children until I was about 32, had my career stable a few years, and married...but God changed that plan :)...If I get married I will be happy and if it takes awhile, I have matured to a point that I will be able to accept that as well...I don't want anymore children because I believe my daughter will be enough for me...and if i did date for some reason I would wait until she was older to do so.
    I'm a different type of woman and I know it, I have grown up FAST over this past year going through a pregnancy...children can change you DRASTICALLY and its not something you will understand until you have one of your own...Even if you don't think your ready, you will be! I used to look down on women with kids and be like why didn't they just use birth control?? and I now see that I was so wrong to do that. People make mistakes, END OF STORY.
    I think mothers should be given the utmost respect because they are strong women and single mothers who raise a child right deserve the highest respect...
    Never underestimate your limits because God is the only one who truly knows how far you can go...
     
  9. ShemsiEnTehuti

    ShemsiEnTehuti Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am not necessarily judging the baby-daddy, but it is more about how the woman handles the situation. If she allows for him to still come around and assert things, then it is no place for any other man to be there as a romantic interest. I was only naming a far out there example, but there are many others where the woman does not have the other man in check as to his boundaries given their relationship is over, albeit with a child involved.



    Well, you are correct that a man would have to be pretty special to take on such a role, but that does not mean a man is not special simply because he chooses not to take on that particular responsibility. When accepting a woman, you have to accept her as a full package (children included).

    There are certain things just like in someone's personality that some people simply wish not to deal with. Now, if the sister's children are about 10 years of age or older, then I probably wouldn't care. However, at my age, I probably shouldn't be chasing too many women that old...although age is just a number. :grin:
     
  10. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    male opinions...

    haaaaaaaaaaa,james you're crazier than i am!
     
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