Black Relationships : Male's opinion..

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by JaylaMaria111, Apr 15, 2008.

  1. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is this older guy (late 30s) who appears to be interested in me

    Since the beginning of the semester, he has been eyeing me for awhile. And just recently, he has kinda befriended me in a way.

    Whenever we are having a discussion, it appears that he never listens to anything I say. He always dismisses any idea or opinion of mine as having no credibility. And usually he does ALL the talking. He talks and talks and talks and doesn't even give me much opportunity to intervene. Sometimes when I tell him I have to be to class, he will talk even more and follow me. I usually end up missing class because of him. This has happened twice. I think he does this on purpose because when I try to end the conversation he puts in even more work to continue the discussion.

    Another thing is that while he is talking to me he obviously starts to eye other women who happen to walk by. He has a particular type that he likes to look at which is the complete opposite of me...lightskin Black women. (I am a darkskin black woman). I find it very rude and uncomfortable. And he kinda brings out insecurities that I faced growing up over my dark complexion.

    There is a fairskin Black lady who is a Spanish teacher on campus that he is always checking out whenever she walks past. Today, while he was checking her out, he said to me "wouldn't it be great to learn spanish?" and I acted very naive as if I didn't notice him looking at her and replied, "yes I always wanted to learn a new language. it would be nice to be bilingual".

    I just don't understand that if I am not his type (which I assume) why is he wasting my time talking to me? And then I wonder what his motives truly are. He was telling me about a situation with a girl that he paid for sex. And I told him that I would never disrespect my body like that, and it's a shame young women are doing this. He in a way justifies it by saying "prostitution is the oldest profession. and if you are working a mininum wage job and you have to make ends meet you'd do what you have to do." Of course, when I disagreed he knocked everything I said..and even made a suspicious comment like, "see if i told you what to say to these men out here, you would make a lot of money." I am wondering if he is some kind of pimp or recruiter for an escort service on the side. He even said that I am a naive person and the type to get taken advantage of by a guy..which I disagree.

    I just need everyone's opinion on this situation. I don't have many friends and often I am by myself. Therefore, when it comes to dating and situations like this I have no one to turn to..what do you all feel about this guy?
     
  2. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    Run sister run!:nono:
     
  3. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol Okay. I just wish that I could attract more quality men. It's like jerks are just drawn to me..maybe I am too nice
     
  4. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello Jayla - I have read a number of your posts and I'm leaning in agreement with this guys opinion above. This man is disrepecting you and demonstrating that YES, you are the type to be taken advantage of - he is doing it now. You are already aware that he disrespects you, he makes you feel insecure in your self image - doesnt hear a word you say.. but yet.. You keep listening.. so much so you'll even miss class. That has more to do with your attitude, not his.

    Why is it difficult to end a conversation (well, a boring monologue) and walk away from someone who isnt listening anyway? hmmm?

    Wishing you happiness
    Zulile
     
  5. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    Jayla, seriously though, Pull up. Men can sense when a woman is needy. And some weak men actually like that in a sister. its like being in heat, you are giving it off. not trying to be mean to you sis, but better that I be firm than a knucklehead get you all twisted up. OK?
     
  6. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, he is a bit charming. And usually, when I see him he starts talking about important things related to class and then it snowballs into many other things. The discussion kinda helps time go by and being that I don't have any friends and I'm usually alone it kinda fills a void.

    Whenever I interject and say I have to go, he follows me down the hall and continues to talk even more to where it's hard for me to end the discussion with him. Before I know it, I look down at my watch and so much time has flew by.

    I don't see how I come across needy at all.
     
  7. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    OK I am a man I dont know the exact word, but I know what i am trying to get across to you J. Just relax, and let the universe and the most High Afrikan work.
     
  8. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay. Thank you. But I would like to know what I am doing wrong (as far as coming across needy) so that I won't do it again, and prevent men like him from trying to get close to me.
     
  9. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A man who cares about you will want you in class on-time.. he'll be looking out for your best interests - I mean this isnt high school where you'll skip class for a day at the mall..

    I think you need to be wary, simply because you seem to be quite aware of your lonliness - so you should be very careful not to sell your soul just to have the void filled. Learn to be your own best company, and anyone you meet and enjoy after that become complements to your life.

    Take care
    Zulile




     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you are being abused......

    get away from this man!
     
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