Black Relationships : Making your Afrikan Man & Afrikan Woman relationship work!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Ionlyspeaktruth, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    First let me make this clear: The Afrikan woman is Gods most wonderful and beautiful creation and are the ONLYwoman for me!

    Now, about this issue here's my take We have to address the issues of LOVE, TRUST and UNDERSTANDING each others positions. Love itself is based on these main 3 things. Without all 3 you have problems. LOVE is something that comes from the deepest depths of your soul and being. It is not earned, but bestowed. It is the most complicated of the three. It is a combination of physical, mental and spiritual components that fit together for some reason and BANG!

    TRUST is something on the other hand that is almost entirely EARNED. You can trust someone without either liking them realy and surely without LOVING them. It is something that is both in the nature of the person that you grow to trust but also a result of whatever baggage you bring to the table. Some people that have been burned do not and will not TRUST. This is both a defense mechanism and problem. What tends to happen is that we bring B.S. from our last relationship(s) into the current situation. This usually proves TOXIC.

    UNDERSTANDING is in some ways THE most important thing that you need to have and sustain a relationship. One must be flexible as well as firm. A brother must be the head WITHOUT being a TYRANT or a DICTATOR. A sister must allow her man to be a man and the man within their household/relationship. KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP! UNDERSTANDING means sometimes doing things that you dont like to do, but your mate does. Discuss major things but dont micro manage. In short the word is COMPROMISE! It does not weaken you or your position. It stregnthens it!

    I am no expert but in my estimation there are a few simple ways to have a good, lasting relationship, which in turn ensures the survival of our People! Look, it took me some trial and error to arrive at my opinoins that I now have but I think that this topic is VITAL if we are going to prosper and flourish as a NATION!
     
  2. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings! Hotep! and Akwaaba!

    Great start to what I believe are important conversation. My challenge right now, how to engage in a way which supports a SYSTEM of Justice.

    Do you have a question here or were you simply seeking to share some things you've come to know:?: Or, are you interested in hearing others knowledge as it relates to 'loving', 'trusting' and 'understanding' as key ingredients in the development of Afreekan male/female relationships:?:


    M.E.

    :hearts2:
     
  3. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    I welcome and in fact rely upon the input of others on this subject. Trust me, I dont know the answers to the whole puzzle. I seek to try and piece it together with knowledge and help of others like yourself who have more expertise in this area. :blowkiss:
     
  4. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Male head of the household

    Allow me to clarify your position, Bro. IOnlySpeak; do you support having the man lead the household? Isn't this the same form of patriarchy that changed the cultural values of us as African people in the first place? From what I have been able to determine, and possibly Bro. Keita or one of the other learned elders can correct me, Matriarchy was the original state of our culture, but I leave room to be corrected.

    As far as I can contribute to this discussion, two things of importance have unbalanced the gender role scale within many communities. Woman have been taught not to speak, and men not to be in touch with their emotions.
    From my personal experience, many brothers have not the ability to express linguistically and identify their feelings. They can not tell the difference between anger, or disappointment, concern or impatience, etc... Since emotional energy helps provide a roadmap to what we need to heal, I'd say this is a vital component to growth (and leadership).

    Women's voices are not equally heard on the public platforms; although many men would argue that they hear their woman inside the house. However, when it comes to the control of the markets, the resources the family depends on, the distribution of wealth, women's voices (non-white or whites of lower socio-economic position) are often muted.

    And once again, from my personal experience, using my voice is an amazing gift of empowerment, but it is sometimes not heard or understood by those who are unable to speak the language of emotions.


    Just my two bits.
     
  5. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    My dear sister, you make valid points. First off, When i say that a sister should allow the man to be the head, read between the lines. it is not a patriarch type deal. LOL We brothers make NO real decisions anyway. When I said "KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP", that was to Brothers and sisters. We get carried away with our words toward each other and it HURTS sometimes.Look, I grew up in a household where there was no "womens work" or any of that. I learned to cook, sew, clean wash clothes etc... I dont need a woman for that. However, even though in our ancestral households, the WOMEN(yes that is historical truth) made the $, land etc... decisions but they also had a position for their mates or husbands. This does not in any way deminish your role, sister. Me, as the man have a natural inclination to protect and provide. That is in our African DNA. But YOU are the one that The Most High has chosen to do the most important task of all. incubate our children. THAT IS BECAUSE OF THE AFRIKAN QUEENS WILL, NURTURING AND WISDOM! he could have chosen either for that task. But never forget that we Afrikan Men were also chosen to take care and love you to the best of our ability. Lastly, Most of the so called male dominence, sexism, or whatever is strictly born out of INSECURITY.
     
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