Black Relationships : Making LOVE is fine...but how do we MAKE PEACE?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Metaverse, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    421
    Occupation:
    Media Designer
    Location:
    Within.
    Ratings:
    +424
    "Creating the SPICE of Life."

    [​IMG]

    Do you know what this is? Any good cook or Chef should. This is a mortar and pestle. Two very Ancient objects still used to this very day to grind plants and herbs into spices that can be used for seasoning food.

    What's extraordinary about the mortar and pestle is that they relate directly with the male and female sexual organs. The grinding is the act of "making love" itself.

    Making love creates a spice, that can then be used to season the relationship. Sex is as important to a healthy relationship as seasoning is to food. Now there's an idea you can take to bed with you.

    [​IMG]

    Now remember. The mortar and pestle isn't just used to make spices for food, traditionally it was also used to make medicine. It is also safe to say that traditionally our food was our medicine.

    So can we also say that "making love" is also making medicine? Certainly, why not? How many of us have a better disposition spiritually, mentally and physically after making love? Let's not be ashamed of that. This is also part of a divine order. Making love, has the ability to heal and repair the emotional body that surrounds us.

    Making love is fine, but how do we make peace?

    Is making peace as simple as making love? Is peace also a "spice" that can be used to season the relationship?

    Peace is the result of a love used well and wisely. Using the same food analogy. Peace is when we are satisfied. So it is actually the result of a good meal so to speak.

    When people are satisfied, peace is the result. So if there is war in the home, even when we are making love constantly- that still means that there is inner turmoil. Making love is only our ability to produce the spice, creating peace is our ability to use that love we've produced and season our relationship with it so that both partners can be satisfied with one another.

    Creating Peace in our Relationships

    Using the logic presented here so far, let's examine a story that I figured would be interesting and a good conversation piece especially for the Male Warriors. A friend of mine just recently told me his story, and we debated about it for awhile, I want to share it because I think many of us might see his side or maybe not.

    Our conversation was about Black Fatherhood, why Black Males were "Tired" (reference to the movie ""Diary of a Tired Black Man") and why some Black Women are so difficult to get along with in a relationship.

    His strong argument:

    "I was in a relationship with a married Woman for about 5 years. She was married but separated from her Husband. He left her when their child was only 3 months old. According to her, he just bailed. One day he left from work and was gone. I never asked myself what would make a Man do something like that, because I didn't care.

    Our relationship was fine at first. Mainly dating, hanging out and having sex. Eventually she wanted to move in with me, so we did that. Mind you, she was still married. She wanted her Son to call me Daddy so I did that. We would do the family thing. Go to Church together etc. Then people started talking because they knew she was still married to another Man.

    I started pressuring her to get an uncontested divorce, she wouldn't do it. She kept saying she was waiting for him to show up so they could go to the court house together and do it. Anyway, 3-4 years went by. We started having allot of problems in our relationship. And here's the stupid thing. To mend those problems we decided to have a child together. Thinking of course, that by having a child some of those issues might work themselves out. It didn't. In fact things got much worse.

    When my Son was about 7 months old she comes home and says to me that she doesn't want anything to do with me, and that the only connection she wants with me is our Son and that I should pack up my stuff and leave. As a Man I rebelled at first. Then she starting talking about getting the Police involved, so I said it wasn't worth it. I begged her to give me time to find somewhere to go.

    I Found an apartment, and moved in. A few weeks later, a Cop shows up to my job to serve me child support papers. Which means she had already put in that request months ago. In time, the relationship between myself and my Son became estranged. Naturally I was bitter over the whole thing. And do you know about 2 years after that she got divorced and married this other Brotha and had a 3rd child with him?

    I never had any complaints with him. But one thing I really have to say about this whole situation, I always hear people saying a child needs a Father in the home or that child will be screwed up in the head. That's a big lie, that's wrong and it's untrue. There are allot of folks, who grew up without the Father in the home and are not screwed up, meanwhile there are allot of children who grew up with the Father in the home and are messed up in the head severely. I always tell people now that a loving Father in the home is important, not just a Father. A child who grows up in a loving environment will be just fine, regardless if that love is provided by one Parent or two.

    Not all Fathers are loving. Not all Mothers are loving either. My ex. she grew up with 2 Parents in the home, 2 Parents that were not loving at all, which is why she has so many issues now as an Adult. She is still running around trying to recoup childhood damages. But I can't say I'm not to blame either, but life is life, we gotta deal with what is thrown at us in the best way we can."


    I understood his story fully, and our debate was really about who is to blame for these types of relationships. His position was that Parents are to blame. My position is that we are all to blame- society as a whole, because we learn from society. I respect the idea that Parents are to blame for how their children turn out. If a child does something wrong, the Parent is called to court not society. But where do Parents learn their behavior from? We don't just learn from our Parents, we learn from everyone. Just the same, Men who leave the family and go off to do other things do it because they know it can be done, they learn it from others. I could be wrong, but that's how it plays out for me.

    As far as Black Relationships go-we are glued to the idea of love making, how long is it, how big is it, how deep is it? That's all well and good, but we aren't making peace- obviously something is wrong.

    Too much of this...
    [​IMG]

    And not enough of this...
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    But before we even get that...before children are even produced and presented into the equation--
    Peace HAS to be part of the foundation. Let's face it, too many of us are building relationships around our sexual mistakes. And not enough around the making of peace.

    HOW CAN THE BLACK WOMAN AND MAN CREATE PEACE!!
    [​IMG]

    Peace has to exist within you first. War is the result of an inner conflict. Therefore if we are still battling things within us, then a relationship with someone else may not be the right idea, unless we are willing to use that person our therapist.

    Peace happens when we are satisfied with who we are, where we are and who we are with. It is the spirit itself say I AM. Love is that energy that throws back the curtain of reality to remind us of our immortal selves. We are constant and eternal, not knowing this keeps is in a constant drama of disunity.

    Rule of thumb. If your mate does not remind you of your spirit, your most inner self, then most likely love and even peace is still an issue. People who enjoy conflicts, and produce them are never at peace. Yet even some of the most argumentative people manage to stay together because their arguments are actually a tool they used to create peace by removing the disagreements between them.

    Make love make peace.

    -------------------------------------------------

    If there is to be peace in the world,
    There must be peace in the nations.

    If there is to be peace in the nations,
    There must be peace in the cities.

    If there is to be peace in the cities,
    There must be peace between neighbors.

    If there is to be peace between neighbors,
    There must be peace in the home.

    If there is to be peace in the home,
    There must be peace in the heart.

    ~Lao Tzu (570-490 B.C.)
     
  2. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    421
    Occupation:
    Media Designer
    Location:
    Within.
    Ratings:
    +424
    Is All really fair, in love and war?

    Peace happens when we are satisfied with who we are, where we are and who we are with.

    To be safe, many of us choose to remain single, so we don't bring any baggage into our relationship. "God is still working on me" is a common statement. "I'm trying find myself first." is another.

    [​IMG]

    The truth is, even when we are single- we are not alone. We are still with and part of a group dynamic, even if we do not realize it. Even when we are single, we can still be dissatisfied with "who we are with" even if we are not physically in a relationship with anyone. How does that work?? Well- who we are with, is the network of people we share things in common.

    It is said that a relationship is the mirror for the soul. Does that mean that people who avoid relationships cannot see themselves? Not necessarily. However, because of the illusion of "being alone" sometimes we do put off the task of working on ourselves. The idea that if you cannot be alone with yourself no one will want to be alone with you- is not all the way correct. Alone is an illusion period. So it's impossible for us to be alone with ourselves. What is true is that until we can face our inner selves, our inner fears- we are incapable of having a healthy relationship. Now, a person can be "alone" for years and never face there fears, because our world is filled with enough distractions to keep us busy and away from dealing on self.

    If we are single, and are doing so because of the illusion of being "alone"- think about it, are you ever really alone? There is enough electronic and material clutter in the lives of average Adults to keep them distracted for hundreds of years, never having the face the truth about themselves. That truth might be that you are very difficult to get along with. That truth might be that you are holding onto grudges and belief systems that have crippled your intelligence and imagination and will cripple anyone who subscribes to it. That truth might be that you have very strong opinions about everyone else besides yourself.

    What is unfair, is that we are sheltering ourselves from relationships because we are unwilling to face the truth. So all is not always fair in love and war. Because of the war we have inside of us, we limit our love.

    We are never alone. Even the most mediative person, who sits in constant examination of their inner self, their life path, the past and the present and who is willing to accept all their mistakes, errors and lusts, even with a deep and sincere knowledge of self and awareness-
    [​IMG]
    Alone is still an illusion. We are always in harmony with those who think and behavior as we do, and especially in accord with those who want what we want.

    Breaking the illusion happens when we allow the relationships that empower our lives to flourish. A Man who has negative beliefs about Women shouldn't run out trying to have romantic relationships with Women, but he should run out to make friends and partnerships with them. In this entry level position he might begin to understand the many different types of Women and wave lengths there are.

    A Woman who has had negative experiences with Men, should not run out every minute looking for a mate and someone who love her in the way she should be loving herself. Instead she should seek out to earn positive relationships with Males who already have rewarding relationships with Females, Mothers, Sisters, Friends.

    We often wonder what type of spell has come over our world and communities that so many bitter illness thinkers are walking around coughing their germs on one another. The divine bond between the Male and Female has been interrupted and redistributed towards things that make no difference if they exist or not.

    By nature's law at a certain age boys and girls are made to be able to produce children, offspring, life. Man has disturbed this process, and has imposed their own principles to govern over the procedure. Isn't our bitterness a result of what we are not able to do - naturally and freely? Is it a strange coincidence, that as Man's religion was created to oppress and limit the sexual libido of the feminine Goddess, that she in turn, to spite Man, she can inflict her own style of scorn- at times limiting and oppressing the Father figure?

    All is not fair in love and war. It is all a dirty game of bitter hearts lashing out at one another. Clawing at one another for freedom. Some of us have arrived at a conclusion. I will be single, and I will be safe. A great miscalculation. At times, no one is more unsafe and bitter as the Single Woman in a pack, who uses her negative history with Men to generate her vengeance, using her voice to steer the emotions of her Female peers.

    [​IMG]

    Loving and peaceful people get divorced every day, because of the negative inspiration from a close friend or family member- burnt one to many times on the stake.

    The creation of peace, is not just about the relationship we have with another person, it's also about the relationships we have in general. "Who we are with" means everyone- all those who are connected with us are part of that equation, because all these people somehow influence our relationship with self and others. When a Woman marries a Man with children, she should be very conscious of the fact that she is also becoming involved with this Man's children and their Mothers. To avoid that fact, is to carry on a fantasy. A Man should be just as aware if a Woman has a child's Father in prison or around the corner. Unless everyone is committed to "keeping the peace" - war is usually the result.

    Try making the most peaceful choice, you won't regret it. Some Men do have a point when it comes down to having to leave a bad relationship even if a child is involved. It's better to leave the situation if no peace is there. An unsatisfied life in not worth living either. Making the most peaceful choice doesn't always mean you have to avoid an argument or fighting for what you believe in either. Knowing how to fight is key. Love and War is only as fair as we are willing to be. We're Human, created with flaws- we all make mistakes- and we really need to stop acting as if no one is allowed to make mistakes besides ourselves. A large majority of Men and Women are bitter with the opposite sex, because of mistakes.

    Wars are built on mistakes, and so are broken hearts. The best thing we can do for ourselves and our partners is to commit to understanding just how much like ourselves they really are. It is very rare for us to attract someone that is not kin to the nucleus of our being. If we wish to change them, then first we must change ourselves- then the gravity in us that attracted them in the first place will be weakened- they can evolve along with us or we can evolve elsewhere.

    Creating peace is not hard, Love is the spice of life, but peace is the keeping of it's tenets in memory, it is the savoring of it's taste. Peace is allowing a Woman to be a giving Goddess or a needy child. She would not have an audience with you if you could not fulfill a desire within her. Peace is allowing a Man to be a lost wanderer or a powerful protector. He is part of you. He is showing you a part of yourself you may be willing to deny.
     
  3. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    19,252
    Likes Received:
    5,505
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +5,560
    Amen to this topic!

    And I am so surprised there are no previous replies. (But, then again, maybe I shouldn't be)

    But, there were some mighty strong truths in this! :toast:

    Oh, if we could just make some PEACE within ourselves, then we can have PEACE with each other!
     
  4. Astrologer4U

    Astrologer4U Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    484
    Occupation:
    Self Employed
    Location:
    California
    Ratings:
    +486

    The truth usually doesn't get much response because the truth can not be debated. Ya know, the truth speaks for it self... Usually after the truth has been told, silence or complimenting such as yours, is normally what happens.



    Astrologer4U
     
  5. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    19,252
    Likes Received:
    5,505
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +5,560
    Well, I'm glad I bumped it up so some others can see the truth!








    (even if they don't say nuffin)
     
  6. Son of RA

    Son of RA STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    90
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Student
    Location:
    Tucson, AZ
    Ratings:
    +92
    Yes!!! Let us make tranquility!!! :)
     
  7. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    19,252
    Likes Received:
    5,505
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +5,560

    LOL!....Now, just what kinda "tranquility" you tryna make, Brother RA! :SuN049:
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    I am in total agreement where as the truth is spoken to have peace is to have self inner love
    a love one is willingly to give and share with comfort and harmony.

    awesome post.......5^
     
  9. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,633
    Likes Received:
    483
    Ratings:
    +483
    Awesome !!! Thanking youjust don't seem to be enough. I had to put this away for safe keeping and reference.
     
Loading...