"Creating the SPICE of Life."
Do you know what this is? Any good cook or Chef should. This is a mortar and pestle. Two very Ancient objects still used to this very day to grind plants and herbs into spices that can be used for seasoning food.
What's extraordinary about the mortar and pestle is that they relate directly with the male and female sexual organs. The grinding is the act of "making love" itself.
Making love creates a spice, that can then be used to season the relationship. Sex is as important to a healthy relationship as seasoning is to food. Now there's an idea you can take to bed with you.
Now remember. The mortar and pestle isn't just used to make spices for food, traditionally it was also used to make medicine. It is also safe to say that traditionally our food was our medicine.
So can we also say that "making love" is also making medicine? Certainly, why not? How many of us have a better disposition spiritually, mentally and physically after making love? Let's not be ashamed of that. This is also part of a divine order. Making love, has the ability to heal and repair the emotional body that surrounds us.
Making love is fine, but how do we make peace?
Is making peace as simple as making love? Is peace also a "spice" that can be used to season the relationship?
Peace is the result of a love used well and wisely. Using the same food analogy. Peace is when we are satisfied. So it is actually the result of a good meal so to speak.
When people are satisfied, peace is the result. So if there is war in the home, even when we are making love constantly- that still means that there is inner turmoil. Making love is only our ability to produce the spice, creating peace is our ability to use that love we've produced and season our relationship with it so that both partners can be satisfied with one another.
Creating Peace in our Relationships
Using the logic presented here so far, let's examine a story that I figured would be interesting and a good conversation piece especially for the Male Warriors. A friend of mine just recently told me his story, and we debated about it for awhile, I want to share it because I think many of us might see his side or maybe not.
Our conversation was about Black Fatherhood, why Black Males were "Tired" (reference to the movie ""Diary of a Tired Black Man") and why some Black Women are so difficult to get along with in a relationship.
His strong argument:
"I was in a relationship with a married Woman for about 5 years. She was married but separated from her Husband. He left her when their child was only 3 months old. According to her, he just bailed. One day he left from work and was gone. I never asked myself what would make a Man do something like that, because I didn't care.
Our relationship was fine at first. Mainly dating, hanging out and having sex. Eventually she wanted to move in with me, so we did that. Mind you, she was still married. She wanted her Son to call me Daddy so I did that. We would do the family thing. Go to Church together etc. Then people started talking because they knew she was still married to another Man.
I started pressuring her to get an uncontested divorce, she wouldn't do it. She kept saying she was waiting for him to show up so they could go to the court house together and do it. Anyway, 3-4 years went by. We started having allot of problems in our relationship. And here's the stupid thing. To mend those problems we decided to have a child together. Thinking of course, that by having a child some of those issues might work themselves out. It didn't. In fact things got much worse.
When my Son was about 7 months old she comes home and says to me that she doesn't want anything to do with me, and that the only connection she wants with me is our Son and that I should pack up my stuff and leave. As a Man I rebelled at first. Then she starting talking about getting the Police involved, so I said it wasn't worth it. I begged her to give me time to find somewhere to go.
I Found an apartment, and moved in. A few weeks later, a Cop shows up to my job to serve me child support papers. Which means she had already put in that request months ago. In time, the relationship between myself and my Son became estranged. Naturally I was bitter over the whole thing. And do you know about 2 years after that she got divorced and married this other Brotha and had a 3rd child with him?
I never had any complaints with him. But one thing I really have to say about this whole situation, I always hear people saying a child needs a Father in the home or that child will be screwed up in the head. That's a big lie, that's wrong and it's untrue. There are allot of folks, who grew up without the Father in the home and are not screwed up, meanwhile there are allot of children who grew up with the Father in the home and are messed up in the head severely. I always tell people now that a loving Father in the home is important, not just a Father. A child who grows up in a loving environment will be just fine, regardless if that love is provided by one Parent or two.
Not all Fathers are loving. Not all Mothers are loving either. My ex. she grew up with 2 Parents in the home, 2 Parents that were not loving at all, which is why she has so many issues now as an Adult. She is still running around trying to recoup childhood damages. But I can't say I'm not to blame either, but life is life, we gotta deal with what is thrown at us in the best way we can."
I understood his story fully, and our debate was really about who is to blame for these types of relationships. His position was that Parents are to blame. My position is that we are all to blame- society as a whole, because we learn from society. I respect the idea that Parents are to blame for how their children turn out. If a child does something wrong, the Parent is called to court not society. But where do Parents learn their behavior from? We don't just learn from our Parents, we learn from everyone. Just the same, Men who leave the family and go off to do other things do it because they know it can be done, they learn it from others. I could be wrong, but that's how it plays out for me.
As far as Black Relationships go-we are glued to the idea of love making, how long is it, how big is it, how deep is it? That's all well and good, but we aren't making peace- obviously something is wrong.
Too much of this...
And not enough of this...
But before we even get that...before children are even produced and presented into the equation--
Peace HAS to be part of the foundation. Let's face it, too many of us are building relationships around our sexual mistakes. And not enough around the making of peace.
HOW CAN THE BLACK WOMAN AND MAN CREATE PEACE!!
Peace has to exist within you first. War is the result of an inner conflict. Therefore if we are still battling things within us, then a relationship with someone else may not be the right idea, unless we are willing to use that person our therapist.
Peace happens when we are satisfied with who we are, where we are and who we are with. It is the spirit itself say I AM. Love is that energy that throws back the curtain of reality to remind us of our immortal selves. We are constant and eternal, not knowing this keeps is in a constant drama of disunity.
Rule of thumb. If your mate does not remind you of your spirit, your most inner self, then most likely love and even peace is still an issue. People who enjoy conflicts, and produce them are never at peace. Yet even some of the most argumentative people manage to stay together because their arguments are actually a tool they used to create peace by removing the disagreements between them.
Make love make peace.
-------------------------------------------------
If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
~Lao Tzu (570-490 B.C.)
Do you know what this is? Any good cook or Chef should. This is a mortar and pestle. Two very Ancient objects still used to this very day to grind plants and herbs into spices that can be used for seasoning food.
What's extraordinary about the mortar and pestle is that they relate directly with the male and female sexual organs. The grinding is the act of "making love" itself.
Making love creates a spice, that can then be used to season the relationship. Sex is as important to a healthy relationship as seasoning is to food. Now there's an idea you can take to bed with you.
Now remember. The mortar and pestle isn't just used to make spices for food, traditionally it was also used to make medicine. It is also safe to say that traditionally our food was our medicine.
So can we also say that "making love" is also making medicine? Certainly, why not? How many of us have a better disposition spiritually, mentally and physically after making love? Let's not be ashamed of that. This is also part of a divine order. Making love, has the ability to heal and repair the emotional body that surrounds us.
Making love is fine, but how do we make peace?
Is making peace as simple as making love? Is peace also a "spice" that can be used to season the relationship?
Peace is the result of a love used well and wisely. Using the same food analogy. Peace is when we are satisfied. So it is actually the result of a good meal so to speak.
When people are satisfied, peace is the result. So if there is war in the home, even when we are making love constantly- that still means that there is inner turmoil. Making love is only our ability to produce the spice, creating peace is our ability to use that love we've produced and season our relationship with it so that both partners can be satisfied with one another.
Creating Peace in our Relationships
Using the logic presented here so far, let's examine a story that I figured would be interesting and a good conversation piece especially for the Male Warriors. A friend of mine just recently told me his story, and we debated about it for awhile, I want to share it because I think many of us might see his side or maybe not.
Our conversation was about Black Fatherhood, why Black Males were "Tired" (reference to the movie ""Diary of a Tired Black Man") and why some Black Women are so difficult to get along with in a relationship.
His strong argument:
"I was in a relationship with a married Woman for about 5 years. She was married but separated from her Husband. He left her when their child was only 3 months old. According to her, he just bailed. One day he left from work and was gone. I never asked myself what would make a Man do something like that, because I didn't care.
Our relationship was fine at first. Mainly dating, hanging out and having sex. Eventually she wanted to move in with me, so we did that. Mind you, she was still married. She wanted her Son to call me Daddy so I did that. We would do the family thing. Go to Church together etc. Then people started talking because they knew she was still married to another Man.
I started pressuring her to get an uncontested divorce, she wouldn't do it. She kept saying she was waiting for him to show up so they could go to the court house together and do it. Anyway, 3-4 years went by. We started having allot of problems in our relationship. And here's the stupid thing. To mend those problems we decided to have a child together. Thinking of course, that by having a child some of those issues might work themselves out. It didn't. In fact things got much worse.
When my Son was about 7 months old she comes home and says to me that she doesn't want anything to do with me, and that the only connection she wants with me is our Son and that I should pack up my stuff and leave. As a Man I rebelled at first. Then she starting talking about getting the Police involved, so I said it wasn't worth it. I begged her to give me time to find somewhere to go.
I Found an apartment, and moved in. A few weeks later, a Cop shows up to my job to serve me child support papers. Which means she had already put in that request months ago. In time, the relationship between myself and my Son became estranged. Naturally I was bitter over the whole thing. And do you know about 2 years after that she got divorced and married this other Brotha and had a 3rd child with him?
I never had any complaints with him. But one thing I really have to say about this whole situation, I always hear people saying a child needs a Father in the home or that child will be screwed up in the head. That's a big lie, that's wrong and it's untrue. There are allot of folks, who grew up without the Father in the home and are not screwed up, meanwhile there are allot of children who grew up with the Father in the home and are messed up in the head severely. I always tell people now that a loving Father in the home is important, not just a Father. A child who grows up in a loving environment will be just fine, regardless if that love is provided by one Parent or two.
Not all Fathers are loving. Not all Mothers are loving either. My ex. she grew up with 2 Parents in the home, 2 Parents that were not loving at all, which is why she has so many issues now as an Adult. She is still running around trying to recoup childhood damages. But I can't say I'm not to blame either, but life is life, we gotta deal with what is thrown at us in the best way we can."
I understood his story fully, and our debate was really about who is to blame for these types of relationships. His position was that Parents are to blame. My position is that we are all to blame- society as a whole, because we learn from society. I respect the idea that Parents are to blame for how their children turn out. If a child does something wrong, the Parent is called to court not society. But where do Parents learn their behavior from? We don't just learn from our Parents, we learn from everyone. Just the same, Men who leave the family and go off to do other things do it because they know it can be done, they learn it from others. I could be wrong, but that's how it plays out for me.
As far as Black Relationships go-we are glued to the idea of love making, how long is it, how big is it, how deep is it? That's all well and good, but we aren't making peace- obviously something is wrong.
Too much of this...
And not enough of this...
But before we even get that...before children are even produced and presented into the equation--
Peace HAS to be part of the foundation. Let's face it, too many of us are building relationships around our sexual mistakes. And not enough around the making of peace.
HOW CAN THE BLACK WOMAN AND MAN CREATE PEACE!!
Peace has to exist within you first. War is the result of an inner conflict. Therefore if we are still battling things within us, then a relationship with someone else may not be the right idea, unless we are willing to use that person our therapist.
Peace happens when we are satisfied with who we are, where we are and who we are with. It is the spirit itself say I AM. Love is that energy that throws back the curtain of reality to remind us of our immortal selves. We are constant and eternal, not knowing this keeps is in a constant drama of disunity.
Rule of thumb. If your mate does not remind you of your spirit, your most inner self, then most likely love and even peace is still an issue. People who enjoy conflicts, and produce them are never at peace. Yet even some of the most argumentative people manage to stay together because their arguments are actually a tool they used to create peace by removing the disagreements between them.
Make love make peace.
-------------------------------------------------
If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
~Lao Tzu (570-490 B.C.)