Low Self Esteem Young Ladies

All of these replies were informative. I enjoyed reading them. However, IMHO Cheek was the only person to even TOUCH on the real problem and the real solution to the problem. It is LOVE. Cheek used Jesus as a model. I can think of no better model for this, but regardless of one's religion/faith love should be somewhere in the equation.

This self-esteem issue (for males and females) has EVERYTHING to do with love. I will comment on females lack of self-esteem though, since it is the topic of discussion.

Females, as much as males, need their fathers' approval and/or love. There is nothing that can substitute for it. When a father is absent (either physically or emotionally) it wounds a female so deeply that it takes the power of God to heal them. Plain and Simple....Women except poor treatment from men because they are looking for love....and unfortunately it comes from a man whom has been neglected also. These young ladies stay in situations that are detrimental to them because they believe they are loved (or they want to believe that) and are afraid that if they let this little boy go that they may never receive love from a man again...especially because their own father does not love them enough to demontrate his love. "If my own father doesn't love me then why would another man love me." is their concern. So...they do everything in their power to keep the first person who gives them the ILLUSION of love.

It is why young women want to have babies (because they feel the baby will love them no matter what). It is young women are sexually active. It is why young women let themselves get abused (because the boy does it because he loves me). It is why some young women get caught up in cults (because they feel apart of something) etc. etc. the list goes on and on.

Of course the mothers have some blame, but the brunt of it should be placed on fathers for not knowing (or choosing not to) demonstrate their love for their daughters (and sons). It is so important!!!!!!! This love would curve so many destructive actions that we would see a vast difference in teen behavior in our communities. This is MHO at a glimpse.
 
I don't know what's going on. What ever happened to ladies loving self before any man? It seems like most young women, not including myself, has forgot all about their self worth. As women, we need to recognize our value as women and not let a man denounce our self-worth. We make up a great percentage of this world and taking all this bs. There are 12 women to every 1 man and we acting stupid. Let's be real. The way it seems 2 me if u ain't half naked, u won't be seen as beautiful. Right now, it's time for ladies 2 look and be seen as ladies and not sex toys. Make yr self worth be known that u are a woman and expect 2 be treated as nothing less
 
Be proud be responsible.

Destee and sisters this is a great topic and one which is near and dear to my heart.

I volunteer a few times a month as time permits for an org in my area called GIRL TALK. This is a life skills development class for 12th grade girls which meets at noon 3 times a week. Time permitted I facilitate this meeting at a high school in a working class, black neighborhood.

This is a mandatory discussion group which I started after the World AIDS conference. In this ciscussion group- there is a corresponding session for boys. The young women learn skills for dealing with everything from continuing education, to building self esteem within a mainsteeam culture whose standards of beauty usually exclude them.

When I return home and meet with the class again the discussion will be on STD's, HIV/AIDS and how to defend themselves emotionally and sexually from older sexual predators. I love those discussions, the ones many adults shy away from. The **WHAT YOUR MAMA NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT S.E.X,** or a womans sexual health and how to defend it. I pass out anatomical dolls,,diagrams, colored pencils, and tablets for thier thoughts. The ladies bury themselves in the info and point to the diagrams, whisper, giggle and later tell me that the adults in thier lives are discouraging them from having sex, but are also reminding them to use condoms. if they do.

We have discussions and because no new people are added afterthe 3rd day the ladies know that anything said will not be taken out of the class. I have establised credibility, and trust and have discovered info that I also can use.

My strategy is as follows.

1..Keep it real do not lectire them they will shut down. I encourage conversations that are interesting enough that they'll want to add input.


2. Start by bringing up boys, instead of setting a somber tone I keep it like a comedy.

3. lay out the latex, but discuss abstinence> Speak to them and not to them particularly about programs that build thier skills in communication assertiveness and self esteem. Instead of standing in front of a room and talkng about safer sex have the girls practice putting on a condom.

4. AIDS is killing my sisters, it is the 3rd leading cause of death for black women between 25-44 and the sixth leading cause of death among afrikan descendants 20-29. However, because it often takes up to 10 yrs to develop, young adults were likely infected in thier teens.

5. Don't forget the homophobia that keeps black men and women from telling younger ladies the facts, that many black men have sex with men and women with women. One in 50 Afrikan amer men is HIV positive according to the CDC so with odds like these there will be many youung ladies who will trade thier virginity for a death sentence.

Carpe Diem
I dream I hope
 
Hello family:

In my career i have discovered that not only is the creator missing from the lives of many of our sistern but our own as well.
Many of us have achieved miracles notwithstanding the help of the creator yet if we look back in retrospect and are honest many of us will admit that we did not have a clue about what life was really all about.

For me as well as for many peers we all thought we had it going on and that we were invincible and full of KING KONG!! Also many of my peers were unable to accept criticism. In my case, I was reared by two people who were bred in controversy and who had the guts to make sure that my siblings and I had knowledge of self, and our culture and regardless of my history in dis small world I am responsible for passing the message on to my peers whenever possible and to this end I do.

One thing that I would like to share here is this..

It make no difference how we were raised, what we could and could not do, how many degrees we have, what type of auto we drive or whether we take the bus..our children are dying for lack of knowledge.
We are obligated to teach each one and not allow our own lack of similarity blind us to the needs of others. We as a people are all that we have and no man is an island.

Getting out in our urban cities and telling the truth is the only way our sisters can survive. Our men must begin to be men, and cease to entrap young women with lies, our sisters must begin to return to the old way of covering our bodies with fashionable yet tasteful dress, and our educators must cease to miseducate.
our communities must cease to accept handouts and we must as a people return to the ancestors way of life.

Yes, we are in amerikka but we are not amerikkkans unless we believe we are..I am an Afrikan, a queen and a healker...What about you?
 

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