Black Relationships : Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nisa, Apr 11, 2005.

  1. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Family.
    I am wondering how many of you all have been in a long distance relationship,and what issues/obstacles did you have to overcome,and how did you keep the relationship together.
     
  2. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Hey sis,

    Funny you should bring this up. I got married after a two and a half year LDR. After four horrendous months I escaped with my life. Let me tell you the man I found mlyself married to was not the man that I married. I never saw the Mr. Hyde in him until we were hitched. At first I would joke that there were two of him--Roy 1 and Roy 2. Then one day he got really agitated and screamed DON'T SAY THAT. Hmmm I've struck a nerve there somewhere.

    It's hard enough to know someone when you are around them a lot and know their friends and family. But with an LDR you really don't know how much of what they've told you about themselves is real. This man is my sister's husband's stepfather's younger uncle. They played cupid (which is stupid) and we got married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Fortunately I have a different experience than sister River. My wife and I were also involved in a long distance relationship before we got married (I was living in Maryland and she was in New York). Long distance relationships are difficult. However if the two people are dedicated and committed to each other they can work. The relationship needs the people involved to put forth the effort to make it work. In the case of myself and my wife, I drove up to see her almost every weekend. My wife made herself available to me when I came. We talked to each other every day during the week. Both of us enjoyed each other's company when we were together. In short we put forth the effort to make the relationship successful. This is necessary in any long distance relationship.
     
  4. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Aww that's wonderful..thanks you two for the input..
     
  5. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The key thing to remember here is that you only get out of a relationship what you put into it.
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I don't tell my story in order to discourage anyone from trying an LDR. As Pan shows they can work. I would suggest taking some time to be with the person close up like in the same city before tying the knot. A one year lease in a neaerby apartment should be good.

    Maybe someone will say that they moved right in with a person when they left their city and it turned out great. There are also peole who've played Russian Roullette and didn't get the barrel with the bullet in it.
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with that River, taking the time to get to know someone is essential. I've seen a lot of relationships work, including internet relationships. Ultimately though no matter how you meet, or where you are, eventually the couple will have to spend significant time together face-to-face...before the relationship can successfully go to the next level.
     
  8. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That is the key thing to remember brother Godssoulja! Now that I think about it, I was also involved in a "long distance" relationship when I was a teenager (18-20). This time I lived in the same state as my girlfriend; however, she lived about 7 towns away from me. To an 18 year old with no car, who relied on public transportation....that was almost like dating someone that lived in another state. Still I made the effort to see this young lady as often as I could, and as a result the relationship worked. When we finally did break up, it was due more to us growing up & growing apart, than it was about distance.

    On a related note, I'd also like to add that what some people consider to be long distance is extremely subjective! Where I currently live, in the North NJ/NYC area: Some people consider dating someone who lives in the Bronx, while they live in Brooklyn to be a long distance relationship! I kid you not, I actually know someone who felt like this. Now for the non-New Yorkers out here. The Bronx & Brooklyn are both part of the same city, but different boroughs! Depending on what part of city you are in, the difference can be an hour or two hour train ride (will only cost you $2 for one way). Still it is in the same city. To me having dated a woman from a different state, I would definately not consider someone in a different part of the city to be long distance. Some people however obviously do!
     
  9. plainrhythm

    plainrhythm Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    panafrica is now my hero!

    i congratulate you and your wife on the strong love you have for each other!
    i'm currently in a long distance relationship, a little young to get married...

    but otherwise, the beauty of seeing how far love can go is just amazing!!!!
     
  10. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm trying my hardest to keep the frustration thats building up at bay..i need tips on how to overcome it.
     
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