Black Relationships : Living Single and Loving It

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by CarrieMonet, Feb 24, 2004.

  1. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've been single for 8 years. This isn't really by choice some of it is circumstantial. But I don't hate being single I just accept it. The last 3 years I've really started enjoying myself. I go out on dates and have a great time, but most of the men I date really dont do it for me....so we remain friends. These are strictly platonic interactions.

    I have a few female friends who seem to think they are making a statement by hopping from one man to another. They will date the men, sometimes longterm, sometimes short...but there is barely a day or two in between their relationships.

    I can't understand why someone can't take time to be ALONE for a while. If you are not meeting someone who is right for you, maybe it's God's way of telling you to slow down.

    I try not too give much advice to these women because I feel as though they wouldn't really listen, but I want to tell them so bad to define themselves and then define what it is they are really looking for and then WAIT for it without settling for someone who you aren't really feeling.

    Do you think these women hop from man to man to prove to women like me, that they can GET A MAN? Or do you feel that they are scared to be alone? Maybe I'm giving them too much credit, maybe they just have self esteem issues. (although they seem to think highly of themselves)
     
  2. cojamalik

    cojamalik Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am single by force. If I had it my way I would be in a relationship, but since I can't be in a good, healthy relationship with a man. I have no choice but to be in a healthy relationship with myself. I have to accept the fact that I may be in a reltionship with myself for a long time. Since there aren't many options where i am from.(I hear a lot of black women have that problem)
    I have been in some form of relationship with a male since I was 16 years old. I have never been by myself. It is different. I liked having a man in my bed, always having a traveling companion, but I am not willing to sacrifice my self respect, and peace of mind, just to have a piece of man. At one point in my life not to long ago. I was willing to settle for anything, but hopefully, as we get older we also get wiser. So I am approaching thirty, maybe maturity is starting to set in.


    yes there are those women who do have issues about being by themselves. They would argue with their last breathe that they love themsevles. Listen and look at their actions instead of their words. If they are lying, cheating, changing who they are, giving and never recieving, accepting material thing in place of love, they probably have esteem issues.
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm a brotha and I have been single for almost a year now. I don't want a relationship right now. I have one person that I would really consider being in a relationship with, but since we live in different cities (Los Angeles and Oakland), I'm not really pushing it. I don't like long distant relationships at all. I love being by myself though. I have female friends that I go out with and that's enough for me right now. Most women that I have met don't make me want to settle down again for one reason or another. I left my last relationship and my brother and I got a place. It was the best thing I could do because it just wasn't worth wasting anymore time with. I do want a long term, monogomous relationship someday, but now is not the time since there are not many options out there. I don't think the majority of people, men or women, even know how to satisfy eachother. We are all too caught up in ourselves nowdays in my opinion. I do think those women are trying to show you that they can get a man. If they are jumping from man to man then all they are doing is showing how easy they are and how little respect they have for themselves. It takes a smart person to know not to force the issue or settle for less. I, like you, have my preference when it comes to relationships, and I won't settle for less. Much Love 2 you.
     
  4. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Cojamalik,
    I think you and I are saying the same thing regarding the reason we are single, although I call it circumstantial. I was in a five year relationship that started when my daughter was 4 and ended when she was 9, after that relationship I just didn't want to have men running in and out of my life.

    Three years ago I started caring for my grammy who is 76. She moved in with my daughter and I and that really put a damper on trying to have a relationship.

    I don't think that if I met the right man I'd have a problem with taking things to another level, but I just haven't met him yet. Honestly I've enjoyed dating and it seems to suit my mental needs for now. My male friends are great and can be relied on to go golfing with me, play pool, watch football, or just accompany me to a movie. So I can be patient and wait on someone who is right for me.
     
  5. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Carrie, I think that regardless of one's sexual orientation, there are those serial monogamists out there. ie, people who would rather settle or be with someone that is good enough than to be alone. I agree with you - many people need to spend more time alone and get to know who they are. Maybe if they did that, the heterosexual divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
     
  6. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I could not agree with you more.
     
  7. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'VE BEEN WITHOUT A STEADY GIRLFRIEND FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF NOW. I'VE USED THAT TIME TO GET TO KNOW MYSELF AND FIND OUT WHAT I WANT IN LIFE AND IN A WOMAN. THAT ONLY TOOK A YEAR, I NEED ME A GIRLFRIEND NOW!!!! (LOL) I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW THEMSELVES AND ALL THAT, BUT THE TRUTH IS WE ALL HAVE A NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE. THAT'S ONLY HUMAN. I'M NOT SAYING SETTLE FOR ANYTHING BUT YOU SHOULD BE REALISTIC ALSO. DATING ALOT IS OK FOR SOME I GUESS. BUT FROM THE MALE POINT OF VIEW DATING A MILLION DIFFERENT WOMEN STARTS TO BECOME SOMEWHAT POINTLESS IF THAT'S ALL YOU'RE DOING.
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, right now my circumstances are...my daughter is FIRST. Once she's grown, I may decide to get into a relationship.

    I don't date 50 different men, I pretty much go out with the same 2 or 3 and they understand that I have no intentions on getting seriously involved right now. But I have enjoyed movies, golf, arcades, and sporting events with my "dates". And I have 3 really good male friends to boot.
     
  9. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    BIG PROPS FOR THAT CM. :toast:
     
  10. IfUComeSoftly

    IfUComeSoftly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol... @ 'single by force'... lmao....

    all i can say is 'here, here'... i'm single by force my dang self. i'm happy by myself... it seems as if i've always been by myself... however i just started to date last year... and now i like dating.. but i don't love dating... i would love to be in a healthy productive reciprocal relationship however the opportunity hasnt' presented itself so... i'm happy with myself... if that means being single right now then... so be it... i can dig it... like i said i like dating...

    but dating doesn't cure a lonely afternoon... so i think dating can get old at times... like i said i've spent the majority of adult life not in relationships....

    my children will always be first.. however i realize that i became a better mom once i started to take time out for myself.... and let a man pamper me from time to time is healthy... dating is good for a single mom... on top of that... i can't imagine what a culture shock it would be to wait 12 years to date.... my game would be rusty as the dickens...
     
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