Beauty - Hair Care - Fashion : Little Black Girls Are Ugly

PurpleMoons said:
What I noticed also, is when the father is in the home, or active in their little girls lives, and reenforcing momma oppinions on how beautiful their daughters are, the more likely the child will except their own outer/inner beauty.

Sister Purple ... whew ... that's a whole nuther thread Sister ... yes yes yes ... little girls need their daddies too!

:heart:

Destee
 
Sanaiah25 said:
I think that when black girls are little their hair is not nearly as scrutinized. I've seen many people of all races stop a black mother to compliment her on a "pretty brown baby with curly hair". I've seen this last from infancy up to even 5 or 6 years old. Its not until the cute little curls grown out fully that certain people seem to label it as "kinky" or "wild". The afro on a ten year old girl is not nearly as accepted as the "cute little curls" of a preschooler.

I think that's why some white women desire to father children with a black or hispanic man. They want their little girls to have cute little curls or waves, as long as they don't expand into anything "kinky" or "nappy" (an advantage most of us don't have).

As black girls grow older they need to be affirmed by those closest to them, especially other women who could potentially influence how they view their hair. Black men also play a big role in this. If a little girl doesn't feel that her natural beauty can be appreciated by the males around her, how can she be confident that it will oneday attract the mate of her choice?

Sister Sanaiah ... i agree that as long as the baby still has remnants of "baby hair" she's alrite ... but as you said, just as soon as she begins to grow out of that ... about 5 or 6 (maybe older) for some babies i'd imagine ... straight to the relaxer or pressing comb or something to "tame" her hair. Even if a parent waits until the child is about 10 ... that's still a baby ... she's still different than all other little girls her age ... she's the only one having to get chemicals or heat to change the very nature of her hair ... the impact is the same ... whether she's 5 or 10. She's clearly getting the message that the way God made her is not good enough. She must have something done to her hair, in order for her to be pretty.

The only reason an afro isn't cute on a little Black girl, the age you've described, is because we ... the adults ... have bought into the hype, little Black girls with their natural hair, are not pretty ... and we do all we can to beat that afro down. It's not the child doing this ... but it will be the child doing it to their children ... because it came from her parents. We're really just giving our children more things to overcome, as if they did not have enough already.

:heart:

Destee
 
Sefirot said:
I've managed to realize a humble, yet plausible perspective:

Again, america is where we learn to develop and to attempt to maintain "the advantage." The height, indeed the very pinnacle of this advantage, comes by way of financial superiority which has always been maintained and exemplified by-but not necessarily confined to-the rich white male. So, in contrast, the most vulnerable and disadvantaged Being-while still adhering to this “unconscious” paradigm-would prove to be the poor Black Woman. And we are so very unfortunately familiar with how many take advantage of sisters as such.

So if you look at the root and time from which perms derived, you have women who try hard to decrease their level of vulnerability and perceived disadvantage by going to measures unheard of to look "at least" like every other person/so-called race instead of Being special and unique. That is, if being different means also being the most disadvantaged. In the past this played out as only the "po' lil Black gulls" being laughed at for staying nappy. Leaving only the more "well-to-do" and "cultured" of us to the dreaded hair-perm, regardless of whether or not such women actually had more money. All that mattered was appearance. This has since evolved into the hair-weave, hair-piece, hair-wig, and still now, the harmful hair perm. Each screaming at the top of their lungs “look at me, I’m just like you now”-“You” being anyone but “ME”.

With so-called men this assimilation manifests itself as our only acknowledging our women if they resemble those of our oppressors. And even then it is often times with the same disrespect that they hold for their women/insignificant others. In either instance, the "Black" component loses its consciousness and mutates (over time) into a cast that both articulates our position in america and enables us to identify with one another’s shared psychologically oppressive american experience. Being a "Black" woman becomes the identifying stigma revealing a sisterhood of common understanding of what it means to be a "sister" trying hard but failing to fit into american society while being truly appreciated (again, at least appreciated as much as are all the other so-called races of women).

Regardless, the obvious/physical is just a manifestation of our want and desire to be like others and to be so unlike who we are.
I.e., our root issues stem from beneath the scalp.

Brother Sefirot ... yes ... the root of this is deep. I've read that in times past, after slavery, during jim crow ... the only way a Sister or Brother would be considered for employment as domestics ... they had to have done "something to their hair." It was the difference between eating and starving. Black women doing domestic work in the houses of white folk, had to conform. It's not a whole lot different from today. We still conform in many ways, in an effort to remain employed ... taking off all those things that make white folk feel uncomfortable ... that might remotely look like we're actually loving ourselves.

Yeah ... it's real deep. Thanks for sharing.

:heart:

Destee
 
ShemsiEnTehuti said:
Ok, I have a confession that I think many, if not most, brothers can relate to, but are probably scared or ashamed to openly share...

There was a time when almost any non-Black woman was more desirable to me than my own African sisters. This was because all I primarily knew were the processed hair (processed mind) unbeweavable sisters, and the unremitting self-hate of our hair by our women only made me have aversion to African women. This is because unconsciously the perm and hair weave strongly implies inferiority to other women (who just happen to have straight hair). It was confusing to me how our Black women were trying so hard to look like White women, but then got pissed at brothers for getting one. In fact, the attitudes of these Black women on the issue made me resent them for being so hypocritical.

I have never been with a pure snowflake, but I used to chase after light-skinned, mixed, or Latin women. The last 2 straight-Black sisters I was with hated themselves so much, but at the same time expected me to love them so much. It dawned on me that you cannot expect someone to love you when you don't love yourself...thus deepening my resentment for unbeweavable sisters. Don't get me wrong, there is no woman more beautiful than the Black woman to me. However, at the time, when I saw sisters trying to be sexy like a White or non-Black woman, it intrinsically made me look at these same Black women as inferior to the women they are using as their standard of beauty.

Just to be clear, if someone finds a natural affinity with someone of another race, then no one has the right to tell anyone they shouldn't be together. However, I think many people (both men and women) seek intimate partners of other ethnicities out of the psychological damage done to the African psyche. To be honest, probably the only thing that healed this damage was my immersion into Pan-Africanism and the study of African civlization before European enslavement. I still do not care for perms or weaves on my sisters, but there is no doubt that they are still the most beautiful women in the world. I have simply made a conscious decision that the sister I end up with most probably has to be natural (i.e. locks, afro, braids, twists, etc.). I'll tell you, the search for a sister like this is getting long and arduous, but it will be worth it in the end for me and my children.

Hotep...

Brother ShemsiEnTehuti ... thanks for sharing. I believe it's a vicious cycle, one feeding the other, to the point that we can't tell which is chasing which. Is it Black Men wanting that european look in a woman, or is it Black women wanting that european look in herself, so Black Men will want her (like he wants that european).

I feel so bad for young Sisters. Hair is only one area that has her on the bottom. As a result, she's willing to do almost anything to get and keep a Brother. If he wants someone who looks european, she's gonna do that. If he wants someone that will jump through hoops, she's going to do that. If he wants someone that will stick her head in the oven and turn on the gas, she's going to do that. The competition is so fierce for Black Men these days.

But i do agree with you in that, she must first love herself, and this begins when our Sisters are little girls, and if you look across the landscape ... as you have ... you'll see lots of usetabe little Black girls, that are now grown women ... still not loving themselves ... because when they were a little girl ... nobody really showed them how. Of course this wasn't intentional, but is the reality.

Notice ... no white person is doing this to us ... not at this level, not at this point ... we're doing it to ourselves.

A vicious cycle ... the razor sharp precision of white supremacy.

:heart:

Destee
 
Riada said:
Okay, since it is confession time. I have never wanted to be with a white man nor a light-skinned man. I have, however, wanted to be treated the way I see some white and other men treat their women--as in putting them on a pedestal, kill or die to defend them and their children, outward displays of respect (whether fake or not) for their women (as in not publicly criticizing their women (except for Eminem-types :spin: ) even though their women are far from perfect, etc., treating their women like "ladies" in public, talking about their women and children with pride in their voice and on their face, etc.), not abandoning their women and children, etc.

I don't think I've ever really heard a grown black man say out loud that he doesn't like a sistah with nappy hair, but I certainly heard my male cousins say it enough when I was a girl. What I, and other black women do notice and talk about among ourselves is the reaction of so many black men to the long, straight, or wavy hair of white or light women and to the light or white skin tone.

I strongly believe that if some black women who want to be natural knew EXACTLY which black men actually appreciate a natural woman, those women would do a lot to be around those men--that is if the men otherwise had something to offer. Black women get tired of perming, weaving, and even that expensive braiding--not to mention the time and money involved, but as long as the lighter longer-haired woman gets the attention she does from black males, this will continue.

I am natural because I like my natural hair but also because I just got tired of spending the money, time, and energy getting my hair done. At many hair salons, black women are held hostage by hairdressers because they know that once you get in there and your hair is loose and wild, you're not going to leave until you get your hair done. I got fed up with my hair dresser because EVERY time I went there, she would have me running errands for her like taking her sister to the train station, or running out to buy her lunch, or babysitting. On top of that, I'd still be there for about 5 hours and I still had to pay her and tip her! This was typical in all the shops in my area, so it wasn't like I could go anywhere else. Finally, I just stood in front of my mirror and learned how to do my own hair and now I get compliments on my nappy style just about every few days--from other black women and from white women and men.

Sister Riada ... thanks for sharing.

I already mentioned above, in a previous post, that it's hard to tell what is really motivating what ... when it comes to Sisters wanting to wear their hair other than the way God made it ... and Brothers wanting to bed women with stringy long hair. It's really a mess.

Again ... thanks for sharing.

:heart:

Destee
 

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