Black People : Light skin and good hair

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Afroerotik, Mar 15, 2006.

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  1. Afroerotik

    Afroerotik Member MEMBER

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    I love spending time with my older relatives. They have such rich stories to tell, they share so much history and give me perspective. I’m always amazed at what they had to endure and how closely their stories resemble tales of slavery. They are stories white people don’t hear, so it becomes easy for them to think that slavery was over and it has no effect on today. They are stories that the youth of today don’t want to hear so they live in oblivion about where we come from and just how bad things were for us not so long ago. It’s an ignorance that leads people to believe that we are totally emancipated from dysfunction when the truth is, we are passing on detrimental beliefs directly from slavery and thinking it’s normal.

    I had the opportunity to spend time with a relative the other night. She’s 68 years old and she brought pictures to show me. It’s a conversation I don’t think I’ll forget for a very long time. She told tales of being degraded by white people that had my skin crawling. What was everyday life for her was like something I’ve never seen in any movie. She’s an exceptionally light skinned woman, wearing her cotton jogging suit and wig, like millions of other black women her age. She related tales of a cheating husband and how she had to cope with that in order to keep a roof over her head for her children. I looked at old black and white pictures from the forties and fifties of dark skinned men with light skinned black women.

    I have a huge family. Any family reunion you go to, you’ll see that the majority of the male relatives under the age of 55 are married to or have baby mommas that are white women. I sat the other night, looking at picture upon picture of cousins with white women and my older relative justifying it by saying how good their children’s hair was.

    I saw a baby picture of a child who had the thickest hair I’ve ever seen on a newborn child in my life. While I was in awe of this beautiful baby, my older cousin started lamenting over how bad and nappy the hair of this child was and how her mother couldn’t wait to perm their hair now that she was older. My uncle, who only dates black women who are light, bright, and **** near white with long flowing hair, defended this family elder’s assertions by reinforcing that if the girl child did in fact have a “bad grade” of unmanageable hair, that they should look to getting it permed and braided as soon as possible. They laughed and talked about nappy hair while I sat in silence, thinking about the self esteem of that poor girl child, having to hear scores of female relatives and beauticians tell her that her natural hair, the hair god intended her to have, her beautiful African hair was bad, wrong, and ugly.

    My heart ached for that girl child’s self-esteem. How can she ever feel inherently beautiful if she feels that her natural hair is a mistake? I sat there all night and I could say nothing. I understood that this family elder had no idea that her beliefs were formed from the idea that black people were inferior. The need for black men 50 years ago to have light skinned women was because they believed black was ugly. Generations of black women were told that our hair was ugly and it had to be controlled and changed to look like white women’s in order to be beautiful.

    My uncle claims that the fact that he’s only attracted to black women that can pass for white has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that that’s his personal preference. It’s his personal preference and the preference of a generation of black men who can’t understand that hearing tales of unmanageable black hair and ugly dark skin forms your preferences. I have cousins who have never dated a black woman in their lives. Their mother’s complain to the black women in the family but praise their son’s choices and compliment them for having children with “good hair.”

    I know this trend isn’t exclusive to my family. I’ve seen family gathering photos of other people’s families and they justify the fact that not ONE, not one single black man married a black woman as merely coincidence. We aren’t evolving; we are staying stagnant and justifying it. We are still thinking that our natural hair is bad and wrong; we are still perpetuating the belief that light is right. We will perish as a race holding onto these diseased beliefs and hating what makes us black and beautiful.

    Our dark skin isn’t ugly, it’s gorgeous. Our nappy hair isn’t bad, it’s exactly the way the Creator wanted it to be. Our thick lips and noses aren’t unattractive except if you believe that white people are better. I’m weary from seeing how disabled we are as a people and how intent we are to pass on that self-hatred to our children and exalt that dysfunction as normal.
     
  2. Blaklioness

    Blaklioness Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There's nothing in that story that's "new" or outdated because 'black' people have done nothing collectively to change the mindset pushed by nonblack 'supremacy'.....NOTHING.
     
  3. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh, I know you didn't go there!! This color and hair thang is one of those monsters inside of so many of our folks. It's hidden inside of many and some are ashamed of it, but can't get the darn thing out of them! LOL!! They just like light skin and the hair.

    Yes, it is beyond sad that some Blacks are still passing on this self-hatred without a clue. Of couse, most of them have no idea they're destroying us when they do this.

    And that thing about Black men preferring lighter women and saying, "It's just my preference" is so deadly to the self-esteem of Black girls.

    I've talked for hours to a couple of Black men who said that to me and they tried to rationalize it in all kinds of ways. One of them finally said, "Well, light skinned Black women need love too." LOL!!

    And to be fair, there are some Black women like this too.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Afroerotik ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

    I so thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! Wow! That was great! Thanks for sharing!

    I have been thinking a lot lately, of the self-esteem of little Black girls. Oh my gosh. Reading your words was like hearing my very own thoughts! My heart goes out to our little Black girls. How terrible it must be, to have your hair pressed, permed, weaved or something, as soon after birth as possible.

    Exactly as you said, that what God gave you is not beautiful all by itself. That she must do something with it, fix it, make it right. That is so terrible. Yes, we, our parents, and their parents, are victims of this. If they truly knew the damage they were doing to us, they would never have done it. It was what they believed was right.

    For those of us that now know better, we must do better.

    Our BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BLACK GIRLS deserve it!

    Great thread!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Welcome and great thread. But as Blaklioness already said, it's nothin' new to any of us here. We've heard it all, and many of us have seen it too, and some have even experienced it themselves. Shoot, there are probably some here who believe as the people in your family do, but may not admit it.

    My question though isssssssss....seeing that you think differently than all your kinfolk, DID YOU SAY ANYTHING TO THEM??? Sorry for shouting...*whew* but I read your post and I started to get a bit dizzy.

    Sad to say though, how many of us KNOW people in our families that think the same way? I know I do. I have cousins that would boycott any and all family reunions if white people were going to attend--and yes, some would as girlfriends or wives. Hmmm..can't say I ever saw a white man there though. :thinking:

    But anyway.... :thanks: for the post.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  6. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Madame Destee, I read with great interest, AfroErotik's post, as well, and I thought, "maybe I should not comment on it, because....", it leads me back to WHO is doing this perming and pressing to little Black Girls hair??? Who did it to my sisters, and tried to do it to my daughters???

    Yeah, I know, sisters do it because that's the way brothers like it, straight and light... Uh, Huh, heard that before... But a coupla things, here... For one, sisters don't know what ALL brothers think, so it's wrong like two left feet to assume they know based on the poisoned minds of a few... Secondly, I know a very beautiful young Haitian sister who wears her hair natural, and one day during one of our daily conversations(which started because I told her how wonderful she looked wearing her AFRO), she confessed to me that it is other Black Women who give her the most grief about wearing her natural... I wasn't shocked by her confession, because I've got enough experience with listening to African women in my family and out, express their desires to have children with "GOOD HAIR", whatever that is...

    Therefore, Afroerotik's post kinda strikes me as a subtle shot at African men, and our likes and dislikes, and how that impacts on African women... Hey, I'm no fool... I know that what the opposite sex thinks about us means a lot to us, so I wont deny that some sisters actually are dyeing their hair and straightening it based on their perceived understanding of what Black men want, but where does that all start??? Well, in my case, it started with my mother... She was the one subliminally steering me toward my someone who looked like Vanessa Williams instead of Lauryn Hill... When at 14 I came home with Lauryn Hill's sister, and kept on comin' home with Lauryn's sister's twin, my moms got the hint... 'oh, this'shere boy love dark meat", or something like that... And even THAT assumption was wrong!!!(smile!)

    Again, I am not saying sisters are totally responsible for perpetuating this kind of mindset, but they play a HUGE role in doin so... I wont back up one inch off that assertion, because it is is my experience on some many fronts... I am sorry to have to say it, because I am advocating for more balance in our discussions at Destee's, more honesty, and less taking sides with our own gender against the other... But this article seems to be implying that the poisoned minds of African men are why sisters are lacking in self-esteem... Well, brothers are lacking in self-esteem moreso than sisters - in my opinion... Who's responsible for that, JUST US, I guess... Can you see the imbalance here, in what was an otherwise interesting story???



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  7. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    The concept of "good hair" being long, thin and straight is sickening. :puke:

    In reality, truly "good hair" is any hair which can withstand the elements without breaking or falling out.

    Scientifically, this is 7-Ether and higher.

    My locks are good hair. I've seen video footage of a man in the Islands pulling a truck with his locks, that had grown to be 7 feet in length.

    Try that with their so-called "good hair".

    Permed hair or continuously chemically treated hair is dead hair. In less than 10 years, permed hair will deteriorate to the point of falling out. Genetically speaking, straight thin hair is a recessive trait.

    Why do we constantly praise recessive traits like blue eyes, light skin, and straight hair? :confused:

    There was a time when these things were considered Birth defects. In their Bible speaks of people with white skin, hair and eyes as "LEPERS".

    We as a people need to learn the importance of functional value, over that of aesthetic value.

    PEACE
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hi Brother Isaiah ... :love:
    Brother Isaiah ... you're entitled to your opinion of the post. I have no idea if Afroerotik was taking a subtle shot at Black Men. I did not get that impression. Perhaps Afroerotik will respond to your concern.

    Actually, i got the distinct impression that Afroerotik was blaming white domination, for all of this. Their weapons of mass destruction, put into our minds so effectively, that we all ... Black Men and Black Women ... (knowingly and unknowingly) perpetuate and manifest that which sustains white domination.

    Your take on the article was a different and interesting one. Thanks for sharing it.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    After 400 years of being subjected to white supremacy, we should know by now where this light skin and good hair brainwashing comes from.

    The challenge now is for us to stop reinforcing it.
     
  10. Blaklioness

    Blaklioness Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Perhaps a better question is why do people like to delude themselves into thinking the behavior is 'normal' or 'just preference' as opposed to the brainwashing that it actually is??? How could rejecting that which reflects your own image be anything but self-hatred....no matter how it's packaged? I'm for BLACK love as long as it's true and not based on some racist idiocy.
     
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