THANK YOU OUR AMERICAN FRIENDS! The Iraqi people would very much like to thank the great American people and your glorious and most wisest of the wise leaders, Mr. President Bush, for helping to liberate us all this current week. We would like also to say many heart felt thankyous for the large and deep missile craters you are currently making in our cities, as this saves us many long hours of mass grave digging by our laborers to bury some of the hundreds and thousands of Iraqi dissidents that our most illustrious and compassionate Royal Highness, President Saddam Hussein, deems fit to torture and kill every weekend, usually after his lemon ice tea beverage and afternoon croquet lessons. We are also very much impressed with your nice new desert uniforms, helmets and M16 40mm grenade launching assault rifles, that you are now so generously leaving for us in the desert and villages. Thank you my friends, for we are now doing brisk business in the bazaars and market places all this week. That is, and may Allah spite my tongue for my gross impertinence at this, except for Wednesday afternoon when of my cousins Khaled shot out a grenade launcher by mistake and blew out fifteen of our market stalls in the process. In fact, our glorious leader Saddam laughed long and hard at that one too, and said, after catching his breath for a minute, how he would now inform his good friends at Al-jazeera of the terrible tragedy. Oh, and that reminds me, my cherished friend Abdullah is especially happy with the Canadian made Kevlar body armor that he pillaged off some of your dead brothers last week. It is very fine workmanship indeed, make no mistake, and makes a most excellent saddle for some of our more generic donkeys and camels! That said, do not worry so much about your gas masks anymore my friends, as the Iraqi ones made here by our own small children are far superior to your own, and thankfully I should say, don’t fall to raggedy bits of useless rubber when you breathe through them. Ah alas, but apart from these pitiful factory soiled products, we are most pleased and I should say enraptured by all these wonderful and exotic new gifts that you are now bringing to us from so far, far away… including I have to say, the excellent Black Hawk and Apache helicopters which, praise be to Allah, keep falling out of the sky like prized ripe fruit all this week. Talking of the subject of food, and who doesn’t after living off donkey dung and monkey urine for 12 years, we are also very thankful for the many boxes of rice, pasta and Evian drinking water that you are sending to us now. But one suggestion my friends, could you please hire some better security guards next time as members of the aging nomadic, tree climbing Al Shammari tribe, who live in garbage pails on the outskirts of Bagdad, keep ripping them off your trucks. In fact, long before any of us can even get our hands on them ourselves, and then swiftly off to market where they can then be resold. Maybe, and perhaps I am thinking, you could use some of those nice fine, young GI's you have positioned just outside our own city to guard them instead, as they, Allah be willing, might have some better success yes? Oh, and finally thank you also my friends for the nice fresh white American girls you are sending to us now, dressed we see, and our sides are splitting with laughter even as I write this, soldiers uniform! Yes my friends, your exotic western strippers are indeed very popular here and most welcome, and give us all, how shall I put it, many long hours of happiness and “good ol’ fashioned luvin’”, but please my friends, stop sending the negroid ones as they smell like baboon's butthole. So thank you once again my friends. Long live your wonderful and glorious coalition and may its ‘liberating’ last many winters yet, as there’s still so many more of our Arab neighbors in and around the vicinity of Iraq that we can sell your wondrous and magical technology to. In fact our Iranian brothers to the east have not been blind to our good fortune and unheard of business success lately either, and they too, Allah be praised, cannot wait for your ‘liberating’ to begin there too!