Leaving the nest

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by kente417mojo, Dec 20, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What is the age that a person should move out of their parents house? I know people that are 30 and live with their parents....men and women. When do you think it's time to cut the cord and venture out on your own? Why is it easier for women to live at home than it is for men? It seems like women can do it until they get good and ready, but men are basically forced to leave once they hit 20 or so....why is that? Is a woman less of a bum if she stays at home until her 30s? Why are there so many women that stay in their parent's house....and at the same time refuse to date a man without his own place? :garbage:
     
  2. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Hey Buthah,

    That's a good question that at some point we all have to or had to deal with.

    I don't think there is a one size fits all age that everybody has to go by or be labeled a bum. From my standpoint it depends on the mind set of the parents and the child and also on the financial situation. I have seen a woman live successfully with her parents until she got married in her thirties. This woman had a well paying job. But someone man or woman who is thirty something and lives with their parents and has never made half an effort to even try to find a job or rob a bank or anything to help out financially, unless their disability is covered by the ADA, that's a bum for sure.

    I think it is easier for women probably because men want to and are expected to be the head of their homes. When you live with your parents they are the head so you've got a home with two or three heads. In spite of women's lib there is still an underlying idea that a woman who lives alone is just in a kind of purgatory until she gets married. Living with her parents provides her the protection and headship that she "needs."
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that everyone should leave that house at some point in their 20s. There are time when people are going to college and still living with mom and dad, but then there are times when a person is working and can get a place of their own, but they don't want to shell out the cash in exchange for their independants. It's the same thing to me whether a man or woman does it. We all have the opportunity to make enough money to support ourselves. I know a couple of women that have the attitiude like "I'm not leaving until I get married". It's like they always want someone to handle the hard part of life. These are probably the same women that will be married and work, but still expect the man to pay all the bills. Then there are guys that have the attitude like "We'', I give my mom rent" instead of living. I think everyone should move out and live on their own or with a roommate...when the time comes when they can afford it. I would not have a relationship with a woman that doesn't even have experience paying her own bills. That's a red flag to me. I don't want to pick up where your father left of financially.

    I think the ideal age for is a bout 23 years old. Anything after that...there better be a reason besides....."the economy is bad right now".
     
  4. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    There is something to living on your own. In my family it was just expected that I would get an education and get out there. I mean, for my gigh school graduation present my parents bought me a set of luggage. You are right, a woman still living with her parents after thirty is probably (though not in all cases) daddy's little girl. Her idea of sharing might be like what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    men seem to have it much harder going out on his own to women , I took my first step out
    when i was 18 and found it to be hard so i ran back home for shelter until i was 20 and ready
    really ready to face the world head on i know so many bruthas who had to return home for
    many different reasons .

    A woman mind is more set and level to move forward , my sista left home at 20 too
    but she never look back

    I think when you venture out to college and learn to live without mom and dad
    you are ready but 20 or 21 is a good age to leave the nest a lot of men who is
    still home with parents are one who don't want to work and take on responsability
    women can camp longer at home but basicly they do leave faster then men do
    mostly by 24 or 25 she ready for a husband getting married
    Many time when you see this because the man she dating be home too men linger
    at home as long as they can i knew a guy who stayed at home until he was 35 but
    always spend a night at his woman house off and on ....

    Men have to make way be the head a provider once he leave the nest so many become
    afraid of this task and shy away from it until they are forced but it's a challege for a man
    heavy responsabilities they must face as a man , a woman face these same things but
    it weights in on a man because he should be the provider , head of household....
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    My mom is from the old school of mother eagles. She makes the nest very uncomfortable to stay in after high school. "As long as you're in my house you gonna do what I say." During the summer btween high school and college I got thrown out of the house about five times. Today's mothers are from the new school. They want to be their child's friend so the nest stays as comfortable to the grown child as it was when they were little.
     
  7. islander

    islander Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't know about a particular age to leave home. I had a plan when I graduated from high school, so I left home at 18. Everyone has their reasons for staying, but me personally, I couldn't imagine going back home to live with one of my parents. I've been on my own for too long now.
     
  8. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I left my parent's house in my mid-20s; however, with the cost of living today it is difficult to set an age limit for leaving home. I don't encourage anyone to leave home before they are financially ready, that is a recipe for disaster. It is necessary to finish college or trade school first, then to get a job which pays well enough to support one self. Where I live apartments range from $1000-4000 a month. If you factor in groceries, insurance (renters & car), car payments (or public transportation), utilities, entertainment, etc...obviously no 18 year old is going to be making this type of money unless they are doing something immoral or illegal! Another thing to consider is that most people don't really move out on there own, they move in with a roommate, sometimes several roommates. This is to absorb the cost of living alone, in otherwords if you need a roommate you are still not in a position to financially support yourself. The bottom line is that people should move out when they are financially able.
     
  9. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I had my first job at thirteen. Moved out when I was seventeen. Left the state I was born in at twenty four.

    The strings should be cut a little everyday. Let them pick up after themselves. Teach them to wash dishes, wash clothes, and how to use a wash house. Take a few blankets and a load or two to the wash house, lie and say the blankets won't fit into your machine at home. Show them the inside of their facility. Teach them all how to cook, because you don't want them running home for your food. Create a bank account for hem now. Both of mine have accounts and I encourage them to save. I don't want them returning. I am on vacation. No one is home.

    My mother said the best way is when they all move out, move to a adult only home complex.

    She raised nine of us. We helped, buy the home we had, and we all worked and kept things running, so it wasn't on her to run behind a bunch of grown lazy adults.

    " Why is it easier for women to live at home than it is for men? It seems like women can do it until they get good and ready, but men are basically forced to leave once they hit 20 or so....why is that? "

    Girls get the extra time to stay at home, why be hard on such a sweet young lady.

    I'm not going to rush my daughter out, but my son has to the age of eighteen to let me know his plans.

    If he is doing well in college then I will grant him a few months of working after he graduates.

    " Why are there so many women that stay in their parent's house....and at the same time refuse to date a man without his own place? "

    Well taking her to a motel is not the fanciest plan. ( load a boom box, so you can play some Luther, in motel six ) ha.. ha.. ha..

    Plus it shows you have your act together and can handle and provide for yourself and possibly another. Marriage is on her mind. It may not be forefront. But it's there. You are measured everytime.

    Haven't you ever seen the tape? It's seven feet long, many don't measure up, so sooner or later she will settle for five feet four.

    When they were both small I placed them at the threshold and pushed them out. Slammed the door and told them we were practicing for the day they turned eighteen.
     
  10. indya

    indya Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I moved out at 19, but it was hard financially. I probably should have waited a few more years.

    My kids will we welcome to live at home until they finish collage. I think a good age to move out on your own is 23-24. I don't want my kids thinking they can sponge off of me forever though.
     
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