Leaving The Nest

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by CarrieMonet, Sep 2, 2004.

  1. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My daughter will begin her senior year of high school next week. She and I have had many discussions about her choice of college and future career.

    But she feels she is not ready to be an adult.

    I suppose this is the first time I've felt stumped in regards to what type of advice to give her for transitioning from childhood to adulthood. She will not be moving out until she is ready...but she is scared to death to be called an adult.

    Any advice?
     
  2. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Conciter yourself "Blessed" ...in every sense of the word. You must have did a h*ll of a job raising her, do you have any Idea how many kids at the age of 12, 13, 14 who conciter there self grown and on their own, and I need not tell you the activities that come along with it. Your daughter has always (I'm guessing) had "Your wings" to nest on, not yet aware that she will one day use her own wings to soar, it's not a biggie yet for her to feel the pleasure of being an adult, so continue to conversate with her and it's very, very important to make this statement to her: (in your own words of course)

    "My presious child/daughter/young queen...When, and only when the time is right for you to assume the responibility of "adulthood...you will be the first to know and feel it, and when that time comes, and you decide to spread your wings, always remember that..."Mother's wings are always...under yours"

    please tell your daughter that her "forum family" is having a CONGRATULATIONS toast :toast: :toast: to her future, and Mom, surely you don't go un-noticed for a job well done :bowdown:
     
  3. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Great advice Queen,
    I suppose I feel I am to blame for my daughter's apprehension, I've stressed to her SO much throughout her life that she needs to be a kid and enjoy childhood that now she is just down right scared. She was relieved when I told her that she didn't have to move out. I mean I have a 5 bedroom house and don't need to be there alone.

    Hopefully over the next 9 months we'll be able to work on her accepting the next stage in life. I don't want her to feel as if I'm pushing her into becoming a full fledged adult, I just want her to recognize the fact that she will have to be a little more responsible for HERSELF.
     
  4. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That is so correct and right...good luck.
     
  5. MississippiRed

    MississippiRed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    carriemonet let her stay as long as she has to really I'm not at that stage yet and pray we make it there but you are truly blessed I know so many that never made it to 17 .....just let her make her own mind up you know..man when I turned 18 Mamanem said you ain't working and ain't in school..whatcha gon do....I broke and headed for CA....still trying to be an adult...enjoy her while she's there for real....

    Mississippi Red
     
  6. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I suppose I should make myself a little more clear.

    I am not kicking her out at all. She is welcome to stay as long as she wants, our relationship is cool. BUT if I choose to be gone for a week, she will need to be responsible for herself - therefore SOME things will change regardless of where she lives. I may not be around as much as I am right now.

    She has to learn to do some things for herself, pay bills (if she makes them), cook more, and tend to the house, etc.

    When I start talking about life after high school, she gets a little upset because she loves being a child. So...

    I was simply asking for advice in what to say to her to make her feel at ease. She knows she doesn't have to move, but she is simply scared of graduating and becoming an adult. LOL! I know it could be worse, but this is a little issue we are having.
     
  7. MississippiRed

    MississippiRed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh my bad I have trouble reading Anglish sometimes... I've always felt that transition to anything is best done slowly ...having her start doing certain things for herself that you would normally do and along with that have her do the same things for you...you know....for instance for one night or whatever have her decide what's for dinner get what she needs and then make it for yall ...at least once a week...let her know that adult is just a word....there's so much around being an adult you know when it doesn't have to be that stressful, take care of your bills and pad, take care of your clothes take care of your meals and go to work. .I know that's pretty simplistic but for the most part man that's it..........no stress (should take my own advice) being young and getting out into the world for the first time should be fun man...and you're not pushing her..me getting put out was pushing what you're doing is different..just tell her do the best she can do be cool and when in doubt either call Mama or do the opposite of what your potnas are doing...nah for real though tell her to take it one step at a time and it'll all be gravy all gravy....

    Mississippi Red
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good looking out, I think she'll relate to this...
    Thanks a million!!
     
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