Black Jokes Humor : laughter

Discussion in 'Black Jokes Humor' started by butterfly#1, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    There was an (older) couple sitting in a swing on a nice quiet day. The wife enjoying her glass of nice red wine, her husband with his pipe, (its empty,just the smell of blk cherry residue remains)...she loves the smell. She sighs and says..I love you so much, I don't know what I'd do without you. He smiles, looks at her and says..is that the wine talking? she smiles back and says...NO, thats me talking to the wine!
     
  2. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

    "She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat.."

    "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
    technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your
    information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

    The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

    "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

    "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
    You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
    You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault"
     
  3. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    A monkey walked up to a hyena in the jungle and saw that he was beat up and patches of hair was torn off of his fur. The monkey said. "Man I would not let Leo(the lion) whip my butt like he whipped yours today". The Hyena replied," Man Leo is a big dude, the monkey then said," Man call on me I will help u whip that sucker".. The hyena went over and woke Leo up and started a fight, the results were the same,
    Leo beat his butt. The hyena limped back over to the campfire and told the monkey, " Man I thought you were gonna help me whip Leo. The monkey lit a smoke(yea) and replied, " Man I heard you laughing and I thought you were winning....lol
     
  4. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    GREAT EYESIGHT
    The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
    "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again,
    "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
    "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are
    80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
    Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    All these might be better and get more hits in our JOKES forum below
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Love conquers all:D
     
  7. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay okay, I thought this was very funny. :rofl: So messed up.
     
  8. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    (fore myself)

    (end of recording made at the Hall of Four Jokers on Fryday 1982 late May in NinjaTown)

    Hosted by: Guess

    Guess: what's up i'm down we tough we coming up my NINJAAAAAAAAAAZ!!!!

    Ninjaz: (hoots and hollering clapping waving)

    Guess: let me introduce you to a thought for a second...what if all our experiences were written in a book each person wrote of their own accord as therapy releasing stress the steam right?

    Ninjaz: right! yeah! ummhum! preach it! (laughs)

    Guess: nananow the steam goes up in the air right?

    Ninjaz: right? right!!!

    Guess: air is the mind and water is our emotion that it carries sow when the waters reach it's highest point the heavens our blessing then rain down in droplets to be collected into the soils of which sown to be reap as harvest right???

    Ninjaz: right!! right!!! (clapping)

    Guess: sow if the books we write fills up space that is not being occupied then we can get a piece of mind peace also in reality right???

    Ninjaz: right!!! go brother guess!!! (clapping) girl why he gotta be all suspense slash intense slash mysterious? girl i just lost my thong when i thought about what he was saying..i just love the mind--you nasty girl but i feel you cause there is nothing like a ninja who can make you laugh with his intelligence. dat ninja is alright he growing but you know. i like this it's interesting. let me sit straight with the camcorder.

    Guess: we fill up the bookshelves worldwide smashing competition out and filling they minds up with the equality deserved. this is done without claiming a color or race as we are one and will forever be one so drop the colorism and racism remain true in super spiritual form as people follow what they read from birth so take them on our journey of ah nu and and and write out our pain to kill them softly with the truth that shall set us free. anybody against dat??

    Ninjaz: (gradual increase in clapping sitting down) keep going!!! we'll let you know. right on point. do your thang partna. teach teach. i love you!!! (people laugh)

    Guess: eh eheheheheh yall had to hear that one before they night is up

    Ninjaz (getting louder): all right now!! look atdat young cat. bo' i can barely see dat ninja tonight. he is sooo crazy funny girl(sighing on the phone) my gut says i love him. man i wish everybody would shut up and get they hands..let the man speak dayum..my camcorder running and i got bills to pay.

    Guess: ok ok ok ok quiet and let's sit down and imma sit on our stool...

    Ninjaz: (clapping) (a ninja) eh i wanna stand-up cause i can't see. (other ninjaz laughing)

    Guess: man i tell ya (buckteeth and dimples) you can never teach an ole dummy new tricks. ninja sit yo stiff self down and quit being hard and eat some of that turkey in yo soul and quit hollering day it ain't yo time to shine!!

    Ninjaz: (laughing) yeah ninja eat yo turkey it's thanksgiving!

    Guess: say it louder one more time for them turkeys?!?! tellem itz thanksgiving!

    Ninjaz: itz thanksgiving!!!

    Guess: say what turkeys????!!!!!!

    Ninjaz: ITZ THANKSGIVING!!!! (clapping and laughing) bo' he ah fool! yeah dis one is on them i feel what he saying. hell to da yeah--itz thanksgiving!! sistahs with lipstick napkin writing up in the air "WE LOVE YOU" (the people calms down gradually standing some sit down)

    Guess: (winks once into the crowd) phew feels like dat time of the week you get fired up don't it?? (walking around slowly with the mic and napkin wiping the sweat off his eyebrows) nananow what if we---let me back it up for second..okay life is full circle right?

    Ninjaz: Right!!!

    Guess: We come out the full circle full of life right???

    Ninjaz: Right!!!! (same ninja from before stands up again shouting) ninja why don't you get strait two the points?!?!? man i'm suffering a rash--

    Guess: Ninjaaaaaaa!!!! I got sum cream for dat itch on your palms ninja!! you betta read yo fortune and tale yo destiny!! eye ain't playing aim i'm right ninjaz?!?!?!

    Ninjaz: (laughing hard and choking clapping) whoa!! lawd have mercy this man is making me lose weight up in heaaah!!! this brother is a joker on the real. how he comes up with this i don't know(smiling and laughing)--go boy! (same ninja shouting while everybody laughing) ninja you small on dat stage!! (the people) ooooooooooOOOO!!!!!

    Guess: OH dats becuz im bigger (buckteeth and dimples). catch my tip. it's behind you.

    Ninja: (the people laughs) What?!?!

    Guess: No not you. the sistah looking cute and empress. why you always think i'm messing around with you?? (hmmmm into the mic) grip dat ninja!

    Ninjaz: (same ninja) ok ok dat was tight-- (the people laughing)

    Guess: fore them i know! (laughing skipping back to the stool)

    Ninjaz: (amp up the laughter) getting up standing and clapping

    Guess: DAYUM AINT WE KRAZY???!!!!

    Ninjaz: HELL YEAH!!!

    Guess: I SAID AINT WE KRAZY????!!!!

    Ninjaz: (more Queens than Kings stay it proudly with fists in the air jumping while others laugh shaking they heads clapping) HELL!!! YEAH!!!! WE ARE KRAAAAZY!!!!

    Guess: All in they mind upright right??!!??

    Ninjaz: HELL YEAH!!!! (some with laughter dropping tears with serious eyebrows choking on they high feelings)

    Guess: Straight Jackal right???!!!

    Ninjaz: HELL YEAH!!!! (some Queens screaming it) (some) wait a minute...straight jackal??? na na na fool well yeah we are!! (laughing) you almost--dayum this is going to be a hellified bootleg!!! i'm going to get paid ninja ninja ninja ninja NINJA!!!!

    Guess: Out the four padded walls right??!!

    Ninjaz: HELL!!!! YEAH!!! (laughing hard stomping and jumping)

    Guess: Strait mental patient waiting to be released cause we got work to do. feel like a serum of truth running through my veins. spitting my sermons right in they eyes. raise the roof off earth so wisdom can see heaven....

    Ninjaz: (continuously laughter uncontrollable) clapping still standing up though gradually sitting down. girl he got my hormones feeling some type of way right about now i just feel sooo good and relaxed dang...go boo!!!! yo what kind of ninja is he? ain't this ninja a sage or something??? na he be kicking riddles and i like them. (couple of Queens rolling hips to themselves) girl you here that music in the background??

    Guess: nanananow what if we were no color?? like like like invisible in they minds invincible when we grind indivisible as one of a kind infinity when we ride immortality is our ultimate high--

    Ninjaz: (same ninja stood up) wait a minute what you mean no color--

    Guess: ninja why can't you just be down?? everybody else is sow sit yo tar baby buns down...

    Ninjaz: (the people amped up laughter) (same ninja) ok but i was just saying--

    Guess: go pave sum ways???...the nerve of skids!

    Ninjaz: (continuously laughter uncontrollable) (same ninja smiling) well--

    Guess: go change yo drawers! and wash those streets up and be the add-dresser like you suppose to cause we need more booty. Queens don't we need more booty?!?!

    Ninjaz: (continuously laughter uncontrollable) (some Kings standing up) we need it asap in the palm of our hands. (Queens shouting) yeah we need our grip!!! affirmly actioned!!! (others) this ninja is deep with jokes. lawd my curls are falling. he is not funny anymore cause it sounds like a message or something. let me find out if he got a girlfriend i'm stalking her off of him cause i believe in love at first sight. how does he comes up with this.

    Guess: Stand up and make it clap. We need mo booty!! Say it--Mo! BOOTY!!

    Ninjaz: Mo BOOTY!!! (clapping and everybody hyped up)

    Guess: say it BOO-TAY!!!! ugh.

    Ninjaz: BOOO-TAAY!!!! ugh.

    Guess: We need all kinds of booty!!! Worldwide as monopoly and when they come back tell em Happy Thanksgiving then smile. Peace to the Queens and Kings i gotta go home another joker is coming up next. One love.

    Ninjaz: (highest round of applause whistling waving jumping stomping clapping) Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

    Guess: Can I go home????

    Ninjaz: HEAVENS YEAH!!!!

    Guess: CAN! I! GO! ALL! THE! WAY????!!!

    Ninjaz: HEAVENS YEAH!!!!!!!!

    Guess: (from the bottom of his testimony) Hell Yeah (holding his testimony)!!!! One more time for them tuuuurkeeeeys?!?!?!

    Ninjaz: HAPPY!!! THANKSGIVING!!!

    Guess: and we outer sight. peace.

    Ninjaz: hooting and hollering yelling whistling clapping
    (end of recording made at the Hall of Four Jokers on Fryday 1982 late May in NinjaTown)
     
  9. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    (fore myself)

    (end of recording made at the Hall of Four Jokers on Fryday 1982 late May in NinjaTown)


    Ninjaz: (still clapping)

    Guess: what's up peeeeepoooole cause north and south i'm not a type line point element atom light darkness--

    Ninjaz: (same ninja) den what are you behind closed doors ninja???? ninja you ain't fooling me!

    Guess: (held his head up to the ceiling with the mic in his hand) mysterious....(sighing)

    Ninjaz: ohs and ahs with some laughter (same ninja smiling standing) we on point now! yeah we got you. man ninja sit yo'self down!!!! (outburst of laughter)

    Guess: And imma stand up. (slow laugh) Get it?!?!

    Ninjaz: (clapping and whistling)

    Guess: Hell yeeeah. to the next point nananananow name the addiction that can only be seen by sore's eyes?

    Ninjaz: (lights coming on and some switching off) rumbling in the audience of ninjaz and then one yell out "crack!" then "weed!!" people laughing to themselves "sex" sum pitches spike up voices in the back to the front people are really trying texting on their phones several to many calling sum grabbing they jock another straightening up her bra the nineties queen over there hairstyle like boo-yaaa then click with your tongue like the african tribe with her curled up nails and gold blinging dayum she butterliciouswetterdafreak--

    Guess: Ricochet with the bulletproof vest asked if you had any more answers??? (buckteeth and dimples)

    Ninjaz: (small laughter) i mean what it is ninja???

    Guess: i can't believe yall don't know this....wow. it's the original wombman's presence....click.

    Ninjaz: oh oh yeah ninja!!!! (everybody stands up proudly Queens getting crunk Kings yelling people passing gas you can smell they heart felt epitome from the bottom of they stomach with tears and all but he had the military gas mask on wild they were clapping[buckteeth and dimples with a fog])

    Guess: (with the mask out of nowhere) it's nothing but the funk up in here!!! they don't know who they messing with it!!! she the Queen like ants and we Generals and Kings all the same when it comes to chess business and economics righ???!!!?!?

    Ninjaz: HELL YEAH!!!!! preach it ninja!!! ninja i love you!!! he done did it..dayum my draws short..i gotta get sum change. wuuuuu girl i am so on fire...dayum my grapes are tingling--dang girl what's wrong with you?? you dat hot??!!!--

    Guess: We gon' buy her abandoned schools...cheap hotels...motels...land with or without water reserve...holler daze when we inn den we coming out harder and buying castles over there in europe!! With a mean mugg on mean dark shades on like what turkey??? you better be happy thanksgiving or i got one reason why i should pork you...your choice.

    Ninjaz: (unexplainable behavior)!!!!!!!

    Guess: ninja i got major withdrawal simpletoms...every mourning and every day i hear her voice over the horizons so i go out to just see love ninja!!! ninja anything to keep pace with her ninja!!! i be giving out roses onsite at any location spontaneous now ninja!!! i can imagine they faces now as i look back didn't know what hit em and i'm so quick with it then buy cigarettes and i used to smoke weed to relieve the stress of knowing that if she falls like babylon then ninja we gone ninja...heaven gone fore good...shhh i be bicycling to see heaven when i be exercising and i got ran over by this ritz purposely got back up like nothing happen cause i knew in the back of my head that didn't get touched i lived to see another day and night of heaven walking around on earth...that ritz still owe me though and i got countermeasures extremely tacticfilled hype that'll uplift him...i'll make him recognize!!

    Ninjaz: (tooo hype like on the video game when you can't hear a play on offense cause you on they turf and the crowd shakes the controllers you buzzing like wow with a gang of heartbeats anxious fore that hut fore that finally hut hut then offensive line get shamble the quarterback stun from the miscommunication The Fridge hits...) HELL YEAH!!!!

    Guess: like sam sneed i think he better recognize!!! Queen Nefertiti up in here!!!! Heavens yes!! Let me hold myself so the testimony is right.

    Ninjaz: (still at it....)

    Guess: Geah...i just wanted to come up in here and represent as the second joker briefly and ya know we got two more right??

    Ninjaz: Yes brotha guess!!!

    Guess: alright then so settle down for some refreshmints coming with portfolios of investments please do check it out. like nas it's halftime.

    Ninjaz: i told you girl i heard some music in the background--what was it?? (in unison twogether) oh yeah! halftime.

    (end of recording made at the Hall of Four Jokers on Fryday 1982 late May in NinjaTown)
     
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